Why dont I attract confident and secure men?

I want to attract confident and secure men, but I never do...so I never end up going out with anyone. Its getting really fustrating, everytime I fancy someone of this description they are ALWAYS taken. Its not that I'm not open minded to shyer people but they always turn out to be needy of me or not confident in them selves. I am independant so why cant I attract like minded guys? I just want to attract a nice man who is secure in him self. Its not right to get into a relationship for anything less than really admiring the person, whereas some just seems to want that emotional support.

Tiger lily said:

I want to attract confident and hot and secure men, but I never do...so I never end up going out with anyone. Its getting really fustrating, everytime I fancy someone of this description they are ALWAYS taken. Its not that I'm not open minded to shyer and uglier people but they always turn out to be needy of me or not confident in them selves. I am independant so why cant I attract like minded guys? I just want to attract a nice hot man who is secure in him self. Its not right to get into a relationship for anything less than really admiring the person, whereas some just seems to want that emotional support.

Click to expand...

FIFY

Excuse me, but I can't help wondering if you'll even respond to the responses you'll get here. This thread reminds me a lot of

http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=13245&pid=232961#pid232961

To answer the question, it seems to make sense to me.
The confident and secure ones have no problems getting with women. That's why they are taken. Surely not all of them, but then maybe we'd be looking at the confident and secure guys who don't have (as Soc hinted at) something else you're looking for.

SocratesX said:

Tiger lily said:

I want to attract confident and hot and secure men, but I never do...so I never end up going out with anyone. Its getting really fustrating, everytime I fancy someone of this description they are ALWAYS taken. Its not that I'm not open minded to shyer and uglier people but they always turn out to be needy of me or not confident in them selves. I am independant so why cant I attract like minded guys? I just want to attract a nice hot man who is secure in him self. Its not right to get into a relationship for anything less than really admiring the person, whereas some just seems to want that emotional support.

Click to expand...

FIFY

Click to expand...

shy or not confident =/= ugly

If ur confidence...just ask those little bitches out. Then boss them around...

Or you can just play the part...
Play the bimbo...itll stroke guys Ego.
After U hook them...just treat them like little bitches that they are....

Be careful what you ask for.
You just may get it!
Macho, misogynistic, egotistical, self-centered, selfish, careless, insensitive.......................(stop me any time)

Some people just need to stop giving advice.

As far as the OP, I'm not sure, hun. If I knew, I'd fix that for myself. A lot of guys are insecure, and the thing is, they'll never admit they are.

A new life said:

Be careful what you ask for.
You just may get it!
Macho, misogynistic, egotistical, self-centered, selfish, careless, insensitive.......................(stop me any time)

Click to expand...

+1

EVERYONE WHO IS SHY IS UGLY AND FATSO

EVERYONE WHO IS CONFIDENT IS AN *******

>These threads, e'rry time

A new life said:

Be careful what you ask for.
You just may get it!
Macho, misogynistic, egotistical, self-centered, selfish, careless, insensitive.......................(stop me any time)

Click to expand...

O no, I ment confident in a quietly confident way, someone nice, I'm not drawn to arrogant types (I wasn't really including them when I said confident and secure, because most of the time these types aren't secure)

Most of the time these men are mistaken for something they are not because they don't act confident.

Quiet confidence is just that, quiet.

^^^Well said.

Boobays keeps me warm N secured on a cold winter night

seriously though...
accepting N acknowleging ur insecurities, flaws, fears and whatever hang up are is having self confidences.

All of the women Ive been with are very intelligent. And Ive watched them play the bimbo to get what they want out of men...sometimes in front of me.
other times on me.lol
Ive even met women that would empty out (PUA) oher guys pockets. Get them to buy us drinking or whatever..but she'll comehome with me.hahahaaa

what ur asking for is the PERFECT GUY for you...Its the samething when I ask for MISS RIGHT...what I have is miss Right now...with all her good qualities and bad qualities. She accepts herself as she is at the moment..whcih means she actaully have a lot of good self esteem.
Ill make plenty of mistakes in my life..probably bigger mistakes Ive already made. I have confidence it that.

---

Its will known that women mature emotionally faster than men.
Im not sure what ur age range perfernce of men would be..
Maybe you might try seeking older men 5 yrs older than you. Its not a garantee becuase everybody mature at their own pace. Just a suggestions..more options.

I do understand where ur coming from..becuz I too was a shy guy and kept to myself and yes I can admit I had very poor self esteem and was co dependent or emotionally draining for my partners.. I hid my shyness in other ways too. I was out going and had an active life style..but I didnt realy let people get to know the real me.But I wasnt all bad or totally mess up.
My self esteem or confidence didnt just grow on me..I had to work through a lot of changes or evolved as a person.

---

Im 44 and my GF is 29...somewhere alone the line Im have enough guts. Courage or confidence to ask younger women out. And I wasnt shy about it.

She dosnt stay with me becuz Im an irogant ******* thats for sure. I treat her wiht the most repect and dignity of being a woman. We bounce off of each other.

Im 44 and my GF is 29...somewhere alone the line Im have enough guts. Courage or confidence to ask younger women out. And I wasnt shy about it.

She dosnt stay with me becuz Im an irogant ******* thats for sure. I treat her wiht the most repect and dignity of being a woman. We bounce off of each other.
[/quote]

Why does it take more courage and guts to ask a younger girl out? Wouldn't someone older be more used to it? also alot of girls like older men.

---

Sean said:

SocratesX said:

Tiger lily said:

I want to attract confident and hot and secure men, but I never do...so I never end up going out with anyone. Its getting really fustrating, everytime I fancy someone of this description they are ALWAYS taken. Its not that I'm not open minded to shyer and uglier people but they always turn out to be needy of me or not confident in them selves. I am independant so why cant I attract like minded guys? I just want to attract a nice hot man who is secure in him self. Its not right to get into a relationship for anything less than really admiring the person, whereas some just seems to want that emotional support.

Click to expand...

FIFY

Click to expand...

shy or not confident =/= ugly

Click to expand...

I wouldn't say that was true, I know a very good looking guy and he is really shy for some reason, no one would believe it to look at him.

Its becuz of the stigma . What will poeple think N say. So its like going against the grain of what society thinks of what a 44 yr old man should act like or live
Then its jsut a matter of working at my selfesteem @ the core..Letting go of old ideas, guilt N shame.
Its a growning process or awareness.

Just becuase I have the knowelege or wisdom dosnt examp me from taking actions..facing my fears, having corage, Still have the youthfulness energy .
Not all younger women are ganna wanna go out with me..So its still the same trying to sort through women and getting rejected over N over again.
Confidence is useless unless I take actions.
Once a woman gets to know me better..she like WOW . My experince pays off. In and out of the bedrooms.
Im more self supporting..so I can be there for her instead of being needie.
Im not afraid to express my feeling or even cry in front of her. I share my love N life her. Its not all about me.

Joseph said:

Most of the time these men are mistaken for something they are not because they don't act confident.

Quiet confidence is just that, quiet.

Click to expand...

This.

Many confident guys are just looking to have sex with girls. The sensitive guys are the ones that aren't likely to be as confident. I mean if they are not confident for a long term period of time there may be some worries. If you talk to the guys a few times and get to know him, he will be comfortable around you and your problems will be solved

A lot of confident men aren't secure, as well as a lot of secure men may not be confident.
For example, look at the guys, who have one girlfriend after another, then look at some lonely guys (not all), who are standing stable in life and would be as loyal as a puppy, but have no confidence about themselves at all.

I guess it is a hard combination, because one of it is more a mental quality, while the other is more an emotional quality. At least in my opinion.

Hi TL,

My 2 cents on the subject is, to give all decent men a chance. First, second or even third impressions may not always be accurate. People are complicated, so I agree with what many members are saying, guys who appear confident, may with time, turn out to be the opposite, and vice versa.

The most secure, confident man at times in his life, will also go through difficult phases and will seek emotional support. Perhaps these guys who are seeking you out as a confidante are doing so because they recognize a kindred spirit who is independent and strong herself? Maybe if you get to know them, you might discover what you're looking for?

There's no guarantee either way, but my advice is to give them a chance

Maaaaan, this thread is so toxic and sexist.