hurt

the past will always haunt me. i think that's where this pit of lonely lives. doesn't matter what i have or who i have i never close my eyes at the end of the day feeling content, i never wake with ambition. does that ring true for anyone. surviving trauma does not equal surviving lonliness.

seekingsolace said:

the past will always haunt me. i think that's where this pit of lonely lives. doesn't matter what i have or who i have i never close my eyes at the end of the day feeling content, i never wake with ambition. does that ring true for anyone. surviving trauma does not equal surviving lonliness.

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You're probably right...your past will never leave you. And what's happened in the past has shaped who you are today...whoever that may be. I have regrets..secrets I don't feel like I could ever share with anyone...I have guilt for things that weren't even my fault...I miss people...I miss feelings and memories. These are the things that make me feel alone at the end of the day...these moments that should be locked in the past and the longing for things I won't ever have again. I have lots of people who love me in my life, but as much as they might try they won't ever understand what's going on in my head or how I'm feeling. This is what makes me feel lonely - the fact that no one will ever truly understand how someone else feels. I hate that.

I wish I could offer you some kind of positive spin on how you're feeling, but I haven't yet learnt to conquer this particular area of myself yet.

Anyway, welcome to the forum. =)

wonder if anyone conquers it

The main problem is that having ambition to do something comes from having positive results in the past.

You need to be setting small, achievable, short term goals for yourself. After achieving a goal you should be proud of yourself and at the same time should be setting another goal.

seekingsolace said:

the past will always haunt me. i think that's where this pit of lonely lives. doesn't matter what i have or who i have i never close my eyes at the end of the day feeling content, i never wake with ambition. does that ring true for anyone. surviving trauma does not equal surviving lonliness.

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no way...ur right really surviving trauma usually equals loneliness

seekingsolace said:

wonder if anyone conquers it

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You can't forget, but I do think it's possible to deal with it in such a way that it doesn't interfere with your everyday life so much. You have to be really determined to do so though and it takes a lot of strength. I don't think I want to/am ready to yet.

for me a trauma or failure is just a lesson learn. i learn from it and hopefully not do the same mistake over again.

NewBirth said:

seekingsolace said:

the past will always haunt me. i think that's where this pit of lonely lives. doesn't matter what i have or who i have i never close my eyes at the end of the day feeling content, i never wake with ambition. does that ring true for anyone. surviving trauma does not equal surviving lonliness.

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no way...ur right really surviving trauma usually equals loneliness

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Maybe this is what that's been going on with me too. Wow, it never occurred to me that trauma can somehow lead to loneliness. Maybe I've been blocked to think of that.

I lost my Dad last December. It was pretty traumatising to me. I seem to be getting nightmares and dreams more after that, be it related or unrelated.

Anyway, I only managed to move on last month or so. When I know I can talk about him and not bawl my eyes out. Surviving the trauma doesn't mean I've survived the loneliness that probably came with it. And I've been wondering why I've been feeling lonely so much. I totally feel you, seekingsolace.

MisterD said:

for me a trauma or failure is just a lesson learn. i learn from it and hopefully not do the same mistake over again.

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Well I do agree, MisterD. But it's easier said then done. I think for me, there's a difference between trauma and failure. And yes I have the same outlook in life that when I face failure, I don't regret what I've done instead I take it as something I can learn from. Mistakes are meant to be made to learn.

But trauma, on the other hand, is more tragic and the learning process is more painful and realistic. This one takes time. Real time.

i know what you mean..i became very lonely after trauma caused me to isolate myself from the people around me..the problem with being alone is that you have less real things to distract your mind from the images from your past...it does end though..i think one day you can be able to close your eyes...
it's complicated to say how..cause it's different for different people. once i couldnt close my eyes though..now i can..hope floats

i dont know which kind of trauma you mean but i was told :
girls that cant forget their past become slaves of it.

one thing happened doesnt mean it will always happen, it's a fallacy.
i know logic is one thing, feeling is another thing. so what you need might be a hand from someone who wants to get out of it as much as you do.

let go and drift deeper backwards in time is ... bad =/
i m not gifted with forgetfulness either.

Yeah what happens in our life stays with us. Once it happens we'll always think about it. The memories can never be deleted from our minds! That's the problem. We become shocked and traumatized. It takes a hold of us is some way cause every moment has an outcome and we're all a product of our past. What ever happens to us will always change us cause its one other thing that helps us grow and understand whatever it is we know. It's not like we can change it but we have some power of choosing how we react to it. BUt if someone's THAT traumatized (having nightmare living in fear) i beg to differ that these people ever CHOOSE to be that way. They were just conditioned and molded to think, feel and act that way. The trauma is deeply ingrained in their system and chaging it is gonna take a lot of efffort. IT's like the information they have which is causing the trauma needs to be replaced and refuted with new information that proves the trauma wrong in a way. But it's hard to think that way when you already have a negative outlook and bad experiences all the time. Some brush with luck and better opportunities need to arise so people can at least find new experiences to fight off their past ones and maybe eventually get rid of the trauma all together.

Crew99 said:

It's not like we can change it but we have some power of choosing how we react to it. BUt if someone's THAT traumatized (having nightmare living in fear) i beg to differ that these people ever CHOOSE to be that way. They were just conditioned and molded to think, feel and act that way.

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Yes well I think there is a choice on how to deal with things but sometimes after hit with something so traumatising, sometimes it's too traumatising (the word is starting to look real weird to me) to even know how to react. Like you're clueless, everything seems blurry and blocked. Hard to think. I had my "trauma" late last year, I was numb a few months after, cried a lot the next few months, and only got to think really clear later on (which is only just recently).

All I'm saying is, yes there's a choice, but sometimes trauma, being trauma , numbs you, pains you and does whatever to you in a way that you can't have any control of, especially how to react and the emotions you get from it. I think it more depends on what type of trauma one is experiencing.

Crew99 said:

But it's hard to think that way when you already have a negative outlook and bad experiences all the time. Some brush with luck and better opportunities need to arise so people can at least find new experiences to fight off their past ones and maybe eventually get rid of the trauma all together.

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I think when you get many bad experiences, that's when you can fight off things much better cos through these many bad experience, you should learn something or some things. Makes you a stronger person, if you know how to take it and when you pull through each one over time. I've had bad experiences in life all the time since I was a kid, it drives me crazy to just want some happiness now but then I'm still thankful for all the pain cos only through all those ordeals I get to learn things and understand things some people don't. Makes you mature faster (or age faster? lol )

I'm thinking opposite lol..sorry though, no offence to anyone just speaking my mind

i don't know who said they choose crew99, and yes the memories will always be there..but the way that those memories affect you can change...it might take years..but it can happen

not that you said otherwise ..lol..but yea