IS IT BECAUSE I'M FAT?

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hmmidk

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So yes I am fat. I wasn't always this way. I used to play sports. Since I have become fat I've heard the phrase "she's pretty for a fat girl." Like wtf does that even mean? Anyway, I have a friend who always gets guys b/c of her buttocks. She's single and sick of it also but it's harder for me now to attract guys. I know I need to lose weight for health, but I don't want it to be about vanity. I am just sick of being single to the point I am crying. I haven't been in a relationship in 5 years. I am 25, never had a Valentine...i just feel like something is wrong with me. Every guy that I meet just wants to have sex with me. They never want to date. I mean I have given all types a chance b/c I like people who who they are. But is the reason no one wants a relationship is b/c I am fat? I always put effort into my appearance for my own self esteem but now b/c I am just to the point I feel desperate, I am starting to look at anything that I can. I am trying to apply to grad school, and I promise there is not one over weight person on my campus. Everything is seriously starting to bother me now that I am sick of being alone. I work, I go to school, and I am raising my child on my own. At some point in time, I need something for myself. I honestly don't understand what is going on. It's getting harder to watch people around me get in and out of relationships and I can't even get a nibble. I think I am going to need therpy soon. Please, anyone with a heart respond. I am lost.
 
Im going to be completely honest, i apologize beforehand. Ive been drinking.. Delete it please if im at all rude.

Yes, it is.

But not so much because you are, but because I THINK, you hate your apperance, you put effort into it, but you don't like it. I may be stretching, but only because im pushing my own bias onto you. I was 175 lbs at 17 before i broke my ankle, at 20 i was 280.

The reason I think guy's want you for sex only, is your probably incredibly needy right now. and you should be, you DESERVE to be. But the world isnt fair, and that needyness is offputting, regardless of gender.

Do you need to lose weight? Maybe, but more than that, you need to come to love yourself again, dont nbe comfortable with you are, LOVE who you are, because your unique. Your special, and no one else is like you.

If you can just come to love yourself again, someone will share that love.

I hope you don't allow depression to fill your Valentines, instead I hope you take that day and fill it with Joy. Even if it is only you and your child, allow that love to be enough.. for now.
 
No I appreciate the honesty. I never thought my weight was an issue until I couldn't think of anny other reason. What I mean by putting effort into my appearance is I stopped wearing just jeans and a t shirt bc I was so tired from clinicals last semester.

Not even my family knows how I feel, I mask it well. I literally have just started feeling this way again. Don't get me wrong, I won't talk to any man who introduces himself, but some one told me that there's a perception that heavier girls are easy. I donkt have low self esteem, I am just sick of being single.

No matter what I've done I'm not an option. The last guy I have something going on with told me all around I am a catch but yet in still I wasn't an option.

I loved myself enough to get rid of men in my life who didn't respect me. I don't even have phone conversations. I mean I'm dry this way. I am celibate. I know I'm worth it, I just don't know why I can't find that other some one too...or my weight is why they don't think I'm worth it.
 
hmmidk said:
I know I need to lose weight for health, but I don't want it to be about vanity.

Why don't you just lose weight rather than live a miserable life? With all due respect, isn't it a no brainer? LGH:)
 
I've heard it before. I guess I am trying to find a solution to an issue no one knows the answer too for comfort. Any answer is better than wondering if I will spend my life single.

There are actual reason I haven't begun to just drop pounds. I have a heart condition not caused by weight that my cardiologist wants it to be supervised...called a-fib. Almost killed me this past summer.
 
hmmidk said:
I've heard it before. I guess I am trying to find a solution to an issue no one knows the answer too for comfort. Any answer is better than wondering if I will spend my life single.

There are actual reason I haven't begun to just drop pounds. I have a heart condition not caused by weight that my cardiologist wants it to be supervised...called a-fib. Almost killed me this past summer.



The answer is to stop the self-pity, stop making excuses. & lose weight.
 
I keep asking myself the same thing and have come to the conclusion that this is not true. Looking around , I've seen plenty of people fatter than me in relationships , with quite attractive people , this is NOT your problem.

The problem is all in your head , like others said , if you can't love yourself , how can others love you? I know this sounds like a cliche but it really is true. The fact that men want to have sex with you is , in my book , a good sign. I'm sure you have a lot to offer and that you are a great person just need to be confident and stop looking down on yourself. I know this is easier said than done and it might take some time but with a little help you will get through this.

As you may noticed , I myself have some weight problems but I've recently started working out and it is paying off and I have to tell you , it feels GREAT. Perhaps if you can motivate yourself to do the same it might make your situation better?

I'll end my post here , if you ever need anything or need to talk , please PM me.

Good luck and take care.

~Michael
 
Most guys just suck. Most people are stupid. Then I'd like to think there is the handful of guys that are rare -- few and far between. Seems like a viable answer to me.

I didn't read the original post because I am still... not sober.

Skinny or fat has nothing to do with it. The media tells us what is "right" and what is "wrong". Just like sheep, we buy into it. I've even bought into it. I nearly starved myself to death and doubled over a toilet for years just because a group of guys made a bunch of explicit remarks about my body while they molested me.

There are genuine individuals out there. You have to watch out for the ones just scoping out for girls and guys with low self-esteem. They want to be reckless with other people because it gives them a sense of power.

 
I have some heavy friends and they do ok with dating. I think it's all about your attitude. If you like you and the way you look others will too. If you have heart problems it might be good to get the weight off as soon as your doctor says it's ok.
 
There are predator guys out there who prey on girls with obvious insecurities.

Guess what? It's a pretty good bet that if a girl is not super-slim and maybe even overweight, that those predator guys will home right in on her as a potential "easy" target.

So, it's not so much about your weight as it is your self-esteem. It sounds like your self-esteem is suffering, thereby reinforcing the stereotype of "overweight girls are easy targets".

You need to either love yourself for the way you are (and really mean it) or you need to decide to lose weight (you can do it!). Either way, the end result isn't so much about your weight, it's about you having self-esteem and a good image of yourself as a valuable person.

Personally, I like a little more junk in the trunk, because I'm a big guy and need something to grab a hold of.

hmmidk said:
I've heard it before. I guess I am trying to find a solution to an issue no one knows the answer too for comfort. Any answer is better than wondering if I will spend my life single.

There are actual reason I haven't begun to just drop pounds. I have a heart condition not caused by weight that my cardiologist wants it to be supervised...called a-fib. Almost killed me this past summer.



I am familiar with atrial fibrillation. Are you a candidate for the surgery to stop it?
 
Even if you can't work out you could try eating healthier meals. For example, instead of fried chicken which is like 600 calories, you could bread it with corn flakes and it would only be about 200 calories. That could end up helping you lose weight. Maybe you could try taking walks? I don't know if you can do that or not, but they say walking is one of the best things you can do.

I think you really just need to work on your self esteem and I know that isn't easy if you see yourself as ugly and whatnot. Try going shopping and try finding some clothes that flatter you and make you feel good about yourself. There's undershirts made out of spandex (I think thats what they're made of) that "hold everything together", and nobody could tell that you were wearing it. There are ways to make yourself appear skinnier if it would make you feel better about yourself. I think that's what you should aim for, feeling better about yourself, before trying to get a boyfriend, because in most cases it doesn't help.

If a man didn't like you because you were heavier, would you really even want him to begin with?
 
Surprisingly I am not a junk food or fried foods eater. Not saying I don't eat that, just not as much as one would think. I have genetics against me too lol. But I have changed habits and lost 10 in the last two months. I am waiting for my doc to give me the ok at my next appointment. If not, then he is going to do shock therapy so that my heart rate goes back to normal rhythm. Even tho a-fib is not a matter of weight, I know that there are a lot of factors in my family that weight will cause issues. I want to live.

And I honestly was ok with how things in my life were until recently. I loved who I was. I was just wrecking my brain as to why I was still single. A few things. I will continue to work on myself. "Who I am" is an ever changing process as life progresses.

I, from the deepest depths of my heart, really do appreciate everyones input. I did not respond individually but I did read every post. Gave me more to consider. Made me realize more things. No I am not ok in a matter of time, but I think it's time to seek help so that I can learn to cope with a lot of unresolved issues i have.
 
No, it's not. It's because you're insecure about being fat. Personality and confidence shouldn't depend on weight, but sadly, it does for a lot of people. Fat or skinny, you should be comfortable with who you are as a person, and like yourself enough to realize other people will like you too.
 
I totally agree with VanillaCreme here..... the weight isn't the issue... it's the way you feel about yourself.. People can sense that... men and women both are attractive to more confident people. Be happy with yourself... and if you want to lose the weight.. do it for YOURSELF.. not for anyone else. Learn to love yourself again, and others will be attracted to that.
 
People,please don-t act like looks don-t matter... they do,and for most guys,I doubt any would date a girl they don-t find atractive. I don-t know how you look but being fat is always a barrier,and generaly not only a mental one.
 
I'm honest and will give you an honest answer.
Being fat makes you less attractive, the fatter you are the less attractive you become.
Pretty for a fat girl means.. you have a beautiful face.
Obviously personality is most important but physical attraction most of the time is the 1st step, therefore your chances become more limited.
Sounds mean i know..

 
I hate most responses in this thread. But that's alright. Agree to disagree I suppose.
 

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