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Love-Shyness, can anyone else relate to it?
#1
Has anyone heard of a condition called Love-Shyness? I first became aware of it about a year ago and could immediately identify with it.

The main aspect of it is being shy and awkward around member of the opposite sex to the point where communication and interraction are impossible. There are many other symptoms/signs such as: usually male; heterosexual!; virgin; never or rarely dates and no history of relationships with opposite sex. The list is longer but there too much to go into at the moment.

For those of you who are already know and experience love-shyness, how did you find out you were love-shy? Have you been successful in getting over it? What do you think should be done to combat it?

I encourage women who read this to learn about the condition - there are so many love-shy men who would make the perfect husband/fatherSmile. Go on, give guys like us a chance and you won't have to worry about infidelity, violence, greed or selfishness again!

Please don't underestimate how this badly effects the lives of those afflicted.
Looking through my window I seem to recognise all the people passing by. But I'm alone and far from home, and nobody knows me. - Opeth, Hours of Wealth
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#2
I don't mean to be rude but did you re-read that before you posted it? Some of that makes by brain hurt.

I get the gist of it. I don't have a problem talking to the opposite sex, well in a casual setting. I was raised by my mom so I find it easier to have a conversation with women. But when it comes to talking to them for more than just causal conversation I shy away. It takes a lot of courage for me to make the first move, but that might be because of my childhood. When I was 13 and asked a girl I liked to dance (at a school dance) she shot me down, and not just a simple no but the look on her face was like she was horrified I even approached her. To make the matter worse a teacher who say this tried to make her dance with me which she still refused to do all right in front of me. Ever since then I just lost all courage to "hit on" girls, I wait for them to make the first move now or show some kind of interest in me. Sad and pathetic. Sad

_______________________________________________________________________
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

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#3
In hindsight maybe I should have made it a bit easier to understand. Go to wikipedia and look it up, there's a lot more info and a better explanation there.

I know what you mean, Sci-Fi, girls shooting us down all the time just makes it worse! I have had girls simply
walk away from me as I approached them - they didn't even let me try and talk to them, it's the hight of bad manners!

There is a whole book written on love-shyness by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin that I am currently reading. There is a bit where he talks about the causes: a major cause is bad experiences in childhood and adolescence. Most people can get over them without a problem yet other find it hard to cope and never get over it.

I guess the main reason I started this topic is because I want to get the issue out in the open, so those suffering from love-shyness (me included) can be recognised as worthwhile individuals, lead a normal life and get the girl/guy we deserve!Smile.

I hope that was easier to understand.
Looking through my window I seem to recognise all the people passing by. But I'm alone and far from home, and nobody knows me. - Opeth, Hours of Wealth
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#4
When I was in grade 11, I asked a girl out who sat next to be in History class. She flat out told me no, ended up telling the rest of the class about it, and then asked the teacher to rearrange the seating order of the class room so that we weren't next to each other, which he did the next day. I came out through the entire process feeling like some sort of creepy rapist for having the gall to ask a girl out.

Whenever someone says "The worst that can happen is you get turned down" I think about that time and remember that it can in fact get worse.
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#5
(02-20-2011, 08:22 AM)Limlim Wrote: When I was in grade 11, I asked a girl out who sat next to be in History class. She flat out told me no, ended up telling the rest of the class about it, and then asked the teacher to rearrange the seating order of the class room so that we weren't next to each other, which he did the next day. I came out through the entire process feeling like some sort of creepy rapist for having the gall to ask a girl out.

Whenever someone says "The worst that can happen is you get turned down" I think about that time and remember that it can in fact get worse.

This happens to omega males ALL THE FUCKING TIME. It's good you have the balls to ask her out though. Almost every Aspergers person I know has gotten some kind of fake phony frivolous stalking or sexual harassment charge. It's bad enough that the guy gets rejected, but now you have to PUBLICIZE IT and get authorities in on it. I'm sorry, ladies, I know you feel uncomfortable, but for fuck's sake, please think about what you're doing to these guys when you do this kind of shit. It's EXTREMELY traumatic, and dudes are afraid to talk to women for YEARS afterwards.

What angers me is that the dudes who get these phony stalking and sexual harassment charges is that they would NEVER actually rape a woman IN THEIR LIFE! Every professional study that has been done shows that real rapists are narcissistic meatheads. The juiced-up, outgoing, macho fraternity boys who get young women drunk at parties. But they're still seen as cool by the general public AFTER the deed. They usually get away with it too, usually because the women are too afraid to report them for fear of retaliation. You know who gets reported? The ugly dude with Aspergers syndrome lurking in the corner who is too scared to talk to a girl, so he just lurks around her.

Just the other day, I heard a story about a fat kid who I used to smoke cigarettes with outside the apartment, getting arrested for "stalking". Apparently he crashed a party. He was fat video game obsesee. Yes, I understand that his behavior was creepy, incompetant, and makes women uncomfortable, but I don't think this guy who was already suffering from loneliness DESERVES to have his fucking life ruined with a charge like this. The more fucked up part is, the kid who told me the story, ALSO had a "stalking" charge thrown at him way back. He is merely a scrawny, unnattractive, underdeveloped, shy, weird loner kid who has several awkward quirks, and he acts a bit like an old man. Apparently some girls were nice to him for awhile, and acted like his friends, and then one day they decided they were too cool to be his friend and he "called them too much" and they filed a stalking charge.

To Women: I know this is a sensitive topic, and I am not trying to trivialize the fear that you have about being violated. But I feel like alot of these "stalking" accusations are just an professional way to bully weak, dorky guys and remind them that they are ugly and disgusting. It is just This is why I feel that it is SO IMPORTANT to spread this message to guys that if they EVEN LOOK the part of the fat video game-playing doofus or the clumsy Aspergers manchild or the pale chronic masturbator, they open themselves to actual LEGAL consequences in the workplace and at universities for even INTERACTING with women, when 90% of the time, THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING WRONG.

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#6
i am pretty sure that i am love-shy. i fit the bill for the typical love shy male. late 20s, never been in a relationship, still a virgin, and has never even dated. for me its not with women in general though. it only happens to me with women that i may have potential romantic interest in. if i am not attracted to them in that way then i dont really have a problem talking to them about whatever. then again i never really initiate conversation with anyone, male or female. when it comes to women that i have somewhat of an interest in, i can talk to them regularly sometimes. but as far as bringing up my potential interest in them, that has only happened once to me as an adult and nothing came of it. so yes, i can relate to it.
"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in an experiment." - Christopher Hitchens
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#7
N00b here, throwing in my 2d. Raised mostly by my mom even though it was a 2-parent until I was 15. Part of my situation I rationalized by thinking I would be the opposite of what my dad was, and also I had traumatizing encounters involving classmates and teachers, co-workers and management.

I have had a few brief reprieves from singlehood, but have never really actually gone on a proper date.

The relationships I have had always start with me being approached, which is OK with me, it takes a little of the stress out of the whole deal

I wasn't fully physically developed until a few weeks before I turned 18, about 6 months later I had my first opportunity at 'it' with a neighbor whose husband was out doing meth most of the time. The fear of not knowing what to do and I guess my sense of honor kept me from getting involved. But I believe it planted a seed of lowered standards for myself and others; I'll only ever be good enough for someone of a lower status than I deserve.

My 1st 'real' relationship was 8 years later and really screwed me up when that ended, but it woke me up in a few ways; one of them being that I am capable of growth and change (it's taken me nearly this long to figure that one out). But it shot down the whole idea that every woman wants a guy to spend every possible waking moment with her

The other ones pretty much ended over me not understanding that I was violating my own boundaries and therefore I can't be much good to anyone else in that condition, besides that whole feminine mystique thing

While I was lurking the forum I read about it's easier to deal with non-romantic interest MOTOS and I can hold to that, I find I'm more at ease being in the same room with married, older, younger, whatever, esp if she's not my particular brand of eye candy (I find it ironic that 'we' want to be alone in a room with 'our' Kryptonite)

I clawed at my chest for years before recently surfing Wiki and landing on the LS article and being able to name the pain.

I think what helps for me, as an icebreaker and general pos-ivity, is to just do my thing with something I'm comfortable at; music or working with tools. I've recently gone into entrepreneurship, so that gives me a boost to build rapport with people

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#8
lol @ Socrates. Yeah come to think of it, I was probably pretty omega back then. Not sure really. Nowadays I'm what you'd call beta+ and I'm happy being there. Had a score of relationships since then and fucked like a bunny while I had the chance.

These days I feel like I've "had my fill" so to speak and just in general have mellowed out. As a whole I don't really find the process or the payoff worth it anymore. Give me a good group of friends and I'll be happy as a clam.

But yeah, took a few years to recover from that experience. It's well in the past now though.

(okay might make an exception for an asian girl if one happened to fall on my lap. But not a big deal either way)
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#9
well I'm a love-shy female, I mean I am shy torwards everyone in general, but I'm specially shy torwards guys, ATRACTIVE guys XD if their straight and single, any posible love interest makes me nervous, I don't know why... It's really awkward, mantaining a decent normal, relaxing conversation torwards this people seems to be very much imposible to me...

I have a crush right now on this guy, every time he comes by, I just feel like hiding under a table....
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#10
I have the exact opposite issue. I can't decide which is worse. I am a female-shy female. I have a terrible time talking to, or relating to any women. I have no issues talking to men, & the few friends I have, are made up of my current boyfriends bestfriends. Ever since I was in my early teens I've always had a boyfriend (two long-term relationships). It's difficult, because really I would love to have girlfriends, I just don't know how to get close to other girls. This problems must be pretty closely related & have similar solutions.
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