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Whoaisme

Guest
Ok, I have a small problem.

I don't really find my ex-girlfriend that attractive, but she's ok and other people find her attractive. She'd a tad bit overweight and she's not what I always wanted looks wise but everything else she's a perfect girlfriend. I oogle at other girls every chance I get. I've never had sex with a girl who wasn't overweight and I really want to, but that has nothing to do with love. It's just something I want to do and have always wanted to do.

The problem is that I'm under the impression that I love her. She is head over heels in love with me and wants to marry me etc. I can probably get her back if I want to, but should I?

Why do I look at every other girl (who isn't overweight) in complete and utter lust?
 
Whoaisme said:
Ok, I have a small problem.

I don't really find my ex-girlfriend that attractive, but she's ok and other people find her attractive. She'd a tad bit overweight and she's not what I always wanted looks wise but everything else she's a perfect girlfriend. I oogle at other girls every chance I get. I've never had sex with a girl who wasn't overweight and I really want to, but that has nothing to do with love. It's just something I want to do and have always wanted to do.

The problem is that I'm under the impression that I love her. She is head over heels in love with me and wants to marry me etc. I can probably get her back if I want to, but should I?

Why do I look at every other girl (who isn't overweight) in complete and utter lust?
Click to expand...

It's normal to be attracted to other girls while having a gf. Looks wise, physical attraction isn't everything but true love is about loving someone for who they are on the outside and on the inside, so describing a gf's looks negatively isn't very loving or convincing. Also, if you're asking if you should get her back then it might not be love.
 
I don't know if I want to get back with her out of love or loneliness. I wish I knew for sure. I love her for who she is and I hate her for how she looks. She's a great improvement over my last girlfriend, yet I don't know if that's enough.

I'm not sure why I have such a problem with someone being overweight.
 
Whoaisme said:
I don't know if I want to get back with her out of love or loneliness. I wish I knew for sure. I love her for who she is and I hate her for how she looks. She's a great improvement over my last girlfriend, yet I don't know if that's enough.

I'm not sure why I have such a problem with someone being overweight.
Click to expand...

but if you hate her for how she looks then you're not loving her entirely for who she is and I can assure you that girls aren't going to like being compared, especially to ex's. If you're only with her out of loneliness then perhaps you need to set her free so that she can find true love and so you can devote your time and energy into turning your life around.
 
Unfortunately, I'm a very evil selfish person who wants everything for himself. In a perfect world I could keep her until something better comes along without feeling so guilty.
 
Whoaisme said:
Unfortunately, I'm a very evil selfish person who wants everything for himself. In a perfect world I could keep her until something better comes along without feeling so guilty.
Click to expand...

Well, has there ever been anyone attractive that you wanted to and tried to treat right? whether it be an ex or a friend.
 
No, I've never really had a friend nor ex who I've found attractive honestly.
 
Whoaisme said:
No, I've never really had a friend nor ex who I've found attractive honestly.
Click to expand...

ok, let's try this:

1) Describe for me the perfect girl.
2) Describe for me the perfect date.
3) Tell me a celebrity you find attractive.
4) Tell me what you would do to show you liked her
 
1)Lets see the perfect girl for me is a medically normal body mass index brunette with straight hair and a beautiful smile who actually takes interest in me.

2)The perfect date is dinner and a movie it's simple, relatively inexpensive, and maybe possibly end the date with a kiss, but nothing else.

3)Sandra Bullock, Katie Holmes, Vanessa Hudgens, Rachel Bilson, maybe Jessica Alba, etc

4) hmm wow, I don't really know besides telling her I liked her... I'm quite coy around a girl I find attractive.
 
Whoaisme said:
1)Lets see the perfect girl for me is a medically normal body mass index brunette with straight hair and a beautiful smile who actually takes interest in me.

2)The perfect date is dinner and a movie it's simple, relatively inexpensive, and maybe possibly end the date with a kiss, but nothing else.

3)Sandra Bullock, Katie Holmes, Vanessa Hudgens, Rachel Bilson, maybe Jessica Alba, etc

4) hmm wow, I don't really know besides telling her I liked her... I'm quite coy around a girl I find attractive.
Click to expand...

Wow, those answers were quite genuine, so maybe your need for sex relates to a need to feel loved. Has anyone hurt you in the past?
 
When I was younger my parents did drugs and both worked so they were never around during the day. My parents would fight constantly yelling and screaming at each other all night long and it seemed like every night. Nothing I ever did (or do) is good enough for my father, I cannot please him no matter what I try. When I was very young I wanted to run away, kill him, or die myself. I remember being 5 years old and wanting to be loved by a girl... I just wanted to hug one and hold one forever and ever.
 
Whoaisme said:
When I was younger my parents did drugs and both worked so they were never around during the day. My parents would fight constantly yelling and screaming at each other all night long and it seemed like every night. Nothing I ever did (or do) is good enough for my father, I cannot please him no matter what I try. When I was very young I wanted to run away, kill him, or die myself. I remember being 5 years old and wanting to be loved by a girl... I just wanted to hug one and hold one forever and ever.
Click to expand...

That helps because now I have a greater sense of what you've been through and why you would do what you do or treat people the way you do but how come you're able to open up to me but you don't think you could to a therapist?
 
I can open up to anyone online. I love the semi anonymous nature of the Internet :)
 
Whoaisme said:
I can open up to anyone online. I love the semi anonymous nature of the Internet :)
Click to expand...

Well, eventually you will need to talk to a therapist so that active steps can be taken to help you get a hold of your life before your issues bottle up to errupt for you to hurt someone.
 
I've hurt at least two people emotionally and I almost hurt a third girl physically and would have scarred her life. I never wanted to hurt anyone in the first place.
 
Well, all I can do is advise, ultimately it's your decision so good luck.
 
Thanks for your help :) I think I'm finally off to bed, it's 4:10 AM and I'm tired.
 
I agree, visit a therapist. I mean, whoaisme, we guys have to admit it, we are just incomplete without women =)
 
Definitely, as matter of fact I'm going to see my exgf right now for a little lovin' :)
 

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