More questions I can't answer

Isn't there anyone else out there that just feels like being romantically involved with someone is just not you?

Like it would be such a drastic change to who you are?

If I ever told any of my friends I had a girlfriend I think they would see me very differently. But why should I give a honeysuckle if they do?

Why am I afraid to step outside my comfort zone and ask a girl out?

How do I silence that voice in my head that tells me "I don't want this" when I strongly desire it?

Why am I so afraid that I will be right about it being a mistake to ask a girl out? Why am I afraid of hearing myself say: "Told you so, you should have stayed in your comfort zone".

Why can't I just ******* go ahead and pursue my desires without the fear of possibly regretting it later?

Here's my old posts (oldest to newest) related to this topic if anyone wants a little more info on my situation. And yes, I guess I am a bit of an attention whore.

How Can You Desire A Romantic Relationship But Not Want One?
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=11296

Doesn't it piss you off, seriously...
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=12642

Why so much shame?
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=13180

Reasons to hate love
http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=13103

Yes! I can identify with you here. In my own situation though its strange because 99% of my friends have a partner or they are married and also i have known most of them for a very long time... they know what im like, they know how shy i am and they know that i have never been with a girl my entire life (im now 24).

I dont know why but i always think for me to go and chat up a girl would be odd as its just not my personality to do so hence why i never have done. Also because of the fact that my friends know what im like and how shy i am, i fear that i would get unwanted attention if they saw me chatting up a girl... it would be embarrassing. Its just not who i am to chat girls up even though i would really like a girlfriend for once.

Wanna know what's really helping me out this year? Engaging hobbies (old and new) with intensity. I swear, that is the THEME of this year for me. Well, it's more of doing MANY MANY things differently or that I had not done at all in previous years. This includes things other than hobbies, like commitment to taking care of certain business. But yeah... I am FEELING the change with every day and really starting to understand how a happier me will open so many doors. It's not that someone can't like or even love you when you're down. It's that you have made yourself THINK that based on your own acknowledgement of your misery such that it becomes reality. You may want to compliment that girl at Macy's. You may FORCE yourself to do it, but how is it going to look? How is it going to sound coming out of your mouth? More importantly, how are you going to FEEL about it? Are you going to feel that it made her feel good? That it meant a great deal coming from you? I'm no expert, but I think this is all VERY important. Once you LIFT YOUR SPIRIT, you'll stop asking questions like "is she going to smile and like me complimenting her?" When you think about it, that's kind of a crazy question to ask anyway. Most people like compliments. But the miserable you has somehow made yourself believe that your compliments to someone are of less value because they are coming from you and would instead be golden coming from some other guy. That's your evaluation of your own self worth that you are promoting to the extent that, in YOUR mind, others have evaluated you the same. And it is a huge hinderance to progress, my friend. Imagine what happens when you have a super positive image about yourself (in and out).


MUST LIFT THE SPIRIT!
If us guys or gals think that aint gonna happen until we find someone, we may NEVER find someone. I'm not saying this is necessary, but I strongly believe it can be key for a lot of people. And it's really the same old phrase of love yourself before someone else can. I don't like that phrase because I do love myself. I do have confidence. But to be more specific, there has been a level of misery about me that has kept me from being BETTER! Everything from finishing school and finding better employment, to SHOWING a woman that I have feelings for her to abandoning activities that I love and not stepping out to try things I think I could enjoy has been hurt by that feeling! So bit by bit, starting with the things that are well within reach (LIKE HOBBIES), I believe that feeling of misery can be eradicated.

jjam said:

But the miserable you has somehow made yourself believe that your compliments to someone are of less value because they are coming from you and would instead be golden coming from some other guy. That's your evaluation of your own self worth that you are promoting to the extent that, in YOUR mind, others have evaluated you the same. And it is a huge hinderance to progress, my friend. Imagine what happens when you have a super positive image about yourself (in and out).

Click to expand...

Thank you for this. This is very accurate in the way I see myself.

Every girl I'm interested in I always think she could do way better than me. It's really weird that although I'm happy with my body image, my annoying mannerisms, the sound of my voice, my wardrobe, my unappealing personality and the fact that I hate having my picture taken are ideas I dwell on frequently and I believe it.

I know many of my friends would probably disagree on that last sentence but I have come out of my shell and pushed myself to work towards not hating myself but all it takes is one stupid statement or one annoying mannerism to prop up and I get so discouraged and my self-esteem just goes down again and I hop back into my crumbled shell. And so I'm in this mental state where I keep hoping in and out of my shell which is just slowly crumbling to nothing. One day I won't have that shell and I'll just become an awkward and angry person that no one will want. I hate that. I think I think too much.

In other words, it doesn't take much for me to ruin my own self-esteem.