What are my options?

Hello. I've had an account for several years on this site but never had the motivation to actually sit down and type anything. Well here goes my pitiful tale!

I'm a 38 y.o. single (duh) male and have absolutely no friends and haven't been on a date in over 15 years.

Here's my problem: I've thought of going on various dating sites but don't know what to say without looking like a pathetic, sad-sack. I have no pics of myself except for a pic I could take of myself, but worse than that, who's going to want to respond to a guy who has no friends and hasn't been with a female in 15 years? I'm sure I could make up a bunch of stories but I hate lying and don't see the point in trying to start off a relationship with someone by being untruthful.

Back in high school my friends gradually stopped calling and wanting to hang out with me so I've cut all ties with them. Because of this I really don't have any stories to tell, I've had very few life experiences - thus I'm fairly boring. I dated a few times between 1993 and 1995 but had some bad experiences on those dates that affected my self confidence and probably scarred me so that I'm a little gun shy about dating.

The only experiences I've had with girls in the past 15 years have been with "call girls." Over the years I had met quite a few and some were regulars to whom I had become quite attached to but I never got the feeling they were "interested," plus, who would pass up the opportunity to make easy money with a guy who didn't want sex, had a nice body, was super clean and only wanted a "massage?"

I suppose my question is: should I go on a dating site and be brutally honest about my lame life and hope someone doesn't mind? I know if I came across a girl with a similar story it wouldn't bother me at all but that's coming from a guy - and lets face, most of us are pigs! And I know girls are looking for the complete opposite of what I have to offer.

I should also mention that I'm only 5'7" and don't make a ton of money being in the fitness industry so that becomes another hurdle. I've been turned down a few times and the thought of asking out a girl, at this point, is terrifying.

I'm open to any advice or suggestions.

If you had the patience to sit through my entire diatribe, way to go! And thanks.

Please don't start by lying.
You don't need to lay all your cards on the table at once.
Everyone has some positive qualities, so start with that and go slow.

Best of luck to you

well first, don't talk about how you dont have any friends, or that you havent been with a girl in 15 years. Emphasize that you are in the fitness industry.

On the other hand, if you lie and get a girlfriend who dumps you a short time after, you can then *not* lie on the *next* online profile you make and say you've recently broke up from a relationship!

eh. i think you should be honest.
the only person worth staying with would be someone that can be ok with who you are, and doesn't need lies.

i hope you will find her.

Limlim said:

On the other hand, if you lie and get a girlfriend who dumps you a short time after, you can then *not* lie on the *next* online profile you make and say you've recently broke up from a relationship!

Click to expand...

ROFL great advice.

Dont lie, usually girls who go on a dating site have tried dating without success, so they will appreciate a genuine honest guy. Do as some suggested here, dont emphazise the negatives but highlight the positives.
Best of luck!

Its not sad to use date sites..i do it every day..i havent had any serious relation in 6 years but a date here and there makes me happy

You dont haft to write anything in ur profile about these lonley 15 years, a littel cute lie like " i was tring to find my self or i was to busy or something like that is OK to tell

So get on these date sites and score

The funny thing is there are probably many women who feel the same way you do. Alot of people use dating sites these days because times have changed. It's harder for people to put themselves out there and meet people and dating sites are very appealing to those who don't have the time or opportunities to meet people in day to day life.

Give it your best shot and put yourself out there. There's all kinds of women out there and just because you don't have alot of experience doesn't mean that's a bad thing. You'd probably stand a better chance than men your age who have a string of failed relationships in their past eh?

I suppose I need to just jump in and take my blows as I think it's going to be painful before it gets better. I'm desperately trying to avoid the (what I think will be) embarrassment/humiliation of going on a date and having some of my history come out but it's going to be unavoidable.

Even telling little lies makes me uncomfortable but it may be necessary and I just need to get over it.

I think firstly you have to clear your mind... Don't stick into that terrible thoughts... Like you are alone, you had bad experiences and you will fail again...... Cause if you go on thinking like this you may not show the confidence to attract a woman and start a relationship....
Please don't forget that we all had bad experiences and that is the reason for most of us to be here... Just looking for new friends, new chances or lives..etc... Everyone has his own reasons... Like others said above you don't have to tell about your bad experiences or concernes... Just try to show the niceness you have...And I am sure you have...

What makes you think you have to talk about your past experiences or "ask women out"? You are thinking of the dating frame which you should abandon. The whole past experience thing is the type of stuff for job interviews and not something a women needs to know about you.

Instead of asking women out or registering on a dating site, just start talking to women you are interested about platonic subjects. Perhaps even better at first you should talk to any male or female about platonic subjects and get comfortable with that. If you start building rapport and establish decent eye contact make sure to look her up and down so she notices to sub-communicate you are interested in her as more than a friend. Also try to touch her early in a platonic way. Practice to ask people questions that are open where they can give further exposition to further build rapport and stay away from closed questions like "what is your job, where do you live", that only can furnish tort answers. Build tension by making her qualify herself to you, justify herself and try to state why you are not available, have to leave soon, why she is not right for you. When you feel a woman gives enough signals by asking about you, answering qualifications, if you say you have go and she grabs you or expresses disappointment that you are leaving, etc. then you ask for her number or arrange a rendezvous(not date as you want to avoid that frame).

In short you should look into pickup theory instead.