Why do some people get it so easy?

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364ll

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In a nutshell, i am a 17 year old girl who doesn't have a life.
I just sit in front of my laptop screen, go on facebook and see how much fun everybody is having. i'm never invited anywhere, ever.
The only time somebody texts me is if they need help on their homework, a boy has NEVER texted me before. I've never been on a date. It'd be nice to feel wanted and loved for once, I've only known loneliness and rejection.

I try to contribute in group conversations at school, but whenever I speak it comes out rushed and muddled, and it really fustrates me because I know that I can speak normally around my family, so why not these people? Why do I care about their judgements?! I know I can be so so much better, socially and confidence wise, but I lack self confidence. I just don't know how to have confidence in myself anymore.

I have tried applying for a job and my application was rejected, but a girl I know at my school in the year below just snapped the job i hoped to get in an instant. I don't get it, when i try to make an effort, it's usually a lost cause.

I see girls having fun, living their lives, getting perfect grades, going out, partying, having crushes and boyfriends, take photos, basically loving life and here i am stuck at home wishing i could be something more, i feel like i am wasting my youth.

Who decided that i don't like to go out and have fun too? Am i too boring to be associated with? people usually ask me why i am down. i desperatly want to tell them, but then if i did i just think that i'd sound clingy and pathetic, also i cannot handle rejection.
I don't want to force myself upon people, so i leave them to it to have fun, while i hang around with my mom, dad and sister at home in the weekends.

All this has caused me to have low self confidence with myself, i just don't think that i am an attractive or worthy person to be around anymore, i don't think that i could make a difference, so i just stay by myself and don't make the effort anymore to be friends with anyone anymore because all they do to me is forget about me in the end, i hate rejection so much.

Yet other girls have it so easy. People want to be them, they look up to them for guidence, they are invited to the hottest parties, where the stylish clothes ect, and when i look at myself, i am the shy, unconfident girl who wished she had a life.

I am sorry if i hae dragged this on, and if you have read all of this, i am impressed, because seriously i don't think my life story is interesting to anyone, because i think it is a whole pile of crap if i am totally honest. If you give good advice, i would be eternally indebted and grateful to you. Thank you.
 
Actually it seems pretty familiar to me (although nobody ever asked me to help them with their homework). When I was your age I'd been to a few parties (not that I was explictly invited, I just happened to be around when they were telling people about them). I spent the entire time sitting in a corner because nobody would talk to me.

You're not alone, despite how it feels. Lots of people go through exactly the same thing. We all deal with it in our own way. Personally I learnt to act. To pretend to be confident, to pretend that I was witty, intelligent, pretty and happy. All the things I wanted to be but knew that I wasn't. It...sort of helped. I won't pretend that it made my life better, just more bearable for me and for my family. At least this way I didn't have to see the disappointment in their eyes when they looked at me.

You'll find your own way of dealing with it. It just takes time. Good luck.
 
From what I read,it's easy to see you don't view these people as a group of friends,a family without your genes,but just some people you have to prove yourself to. And that is wrong. fresia what they think,you're 17? Depending on when's your birthday,you'll probably never see most of these people again,so fresia it.

Think like a kid,a seven year old,the first thing you want to say is what comes out of your mouth. You wondering why they don't like you or if they "approve you"? Ask them what they think,and if you're not happy,ask again.

I don't want to talk about shitty stuff here,but I'll say something that I tried and... kind of worked. This year,I really was caring the less I could about exams. I never liked them,much less now with idiotic subjects who won't take me nowhere. So,I stopped studying,even though still paying attention and going into exams without looking at the books and using my knowledge and what I've learned during classes only. Yeah,I dropped from regular A/B+s to B+s and some As here and there,but overall I knew so much more about everything than my peers,who studied their asses off before the exam and it all flew away after it ended aka worthless study. And now it's even easier to study for me cause I'm not overloading my brain with it and every time I do study,it sticks and doesn't leave. While,per example,I could talk to you in french without many problems,my friends who have better grades than me can only stick to their pre-written shtick who they know from back to forward,but know nothing about.

What I'm trying to say here? Don't try. Don't look at everything in a pessimistic way. And overall don't overthink it,it'll only make things worse. Natural is the way to go.

PS: Give me your number and I can be the first guy to text you,it'd probably cost me 10 bucks cause I'm from southern Europe,but screw it.
 
As a rule
A man's a fool
When it's hot he wants it cool
When it's cool he wants it hot
Always wanting what is not

The people you think are so happy
most likely aren't as happy as you think.
It's human nature to take what we have for granted
and always want more.
Just think of all the rock stars who seem to have it all
who are never sober, and so often commit suicide.
Some do it all at once, others commit slow-motion suicide.
So if they "have it all" and aren't happy,
maybe "having it all" isn't what it's cracked up to be.

Keep trying new things.
Keep trying different things.

And I'll tell you a little secret.
I know you don't want to read this,
but it's true:

You need to "count your blessings"
or to put it another way, you need to be mindful
of every good thing in your life NO MATTER HOW SMALL!
This sort of changes your brain.
Marcy Shimoff calls it "inclining your mind towards happiness"
It's what the suicidal rock stars are missing.
The appreciation for what they already have.

Good luck to you.

 
Life is not fair hun. That is one sad fact about life.

To use fire as a metaphor. Some people just happen to light the fire correctly on their first go. Just because you have not figured out how to start a fire yet. That does not mean you won't be able too. It just takes practice.

:S I wish I could give you more advice on how to break into social groups. However, one way thing that will keep you from getting friends is staying inside on Facebook or a forum. Why don't you join a club? Schools have plenty of those. Why not try making small conversation with someone before each of your classes?

Above all else, accept that not everyone is going to like you. If you get rejected, it is their loss, and you probably dodged a bullet. :S High school is a rough time. Instead of trying to make up for what you have missed from high school. Just practice and reinvent yourself in college?
 
try not to compare yourself to other people. remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. anyways, getting involved with some of those girls/guys is not always a good idea. most of the ''popular'' girls from my high school are now pregnant whores or heavy drug users. instead look for some nice people to hangout with, maybe someone who's quiet like yourself? or maybe join a club of your interest. i've made plenty of good friends at clubs at my high school. i was like you how i couldn't stand rejection when i was in high school, but now it's like i could give a crap cause i know i have a lot going for me and i have a super awesome personality. the point is you gotta get up and do something about it. i'm pretty sure sitting in front of facebook all day isn't going to do much for you.
 
A Desolate Soul said:
try not to compare yourself to other people. remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. anyways, getting involved with some of those girls/guys is not always a good idea. most of the ''popular'' girls from my high school are now pregnant whores or heavy drug users. instead look for some nice people to hangout with, maybe someone who's quiet like yourself? or maybe join a club of your interest. i've made plenty of good friends at clubs at my high school. i was like you how i couldn't stand rejection when i was in high school, but now it's like i could give a crap cause i know i have a lot going for me and i have a super awesome personality. the point is you gotta get up and do something about it. i'm pretty sure sitting in front of facebook all day isn't going to do much for you.
Click to expand...

Good advice. Sounds like you got your head together. A lot of people who look like they got it, have a lot of fake stuff, and they lose more then they gain. But to get anything ya got to move on it and put some effort into getting what you want in life.
 
Well when I first began high school, I worried about not making new friends and being a loner! But my high school has at least 5,000 kids in it, so we have all sorts of different kinds of groups of people you can become friends with. It's hard not to have ANY friends, unless you're keeping yourself closed off from other kids. If you truly want to meet new people to become friends with, then you need to put yourself out there. Obviously if you're very insecure and not confident with your appearance and such, than that makes it harder to work up the nerve. You need to start paying less attention to other girls and how they live their lives, and focus more on what you could do for YOURSELF to become happy and content. For one thing, sitting in front of your computer and looking on at what other girls are doing is not going to help. Start spending more time on yourself, and put yourself together nicely in the mornings. Wear a cute outfit, put a little makeup on, fix your hair up, etc... Doing something simple like that could give you that little boost of self confidence. Look for groups or clubs that you could join after school, where you could meet new people. I'm not sure what religion you are, but they have youth groups & activities at churches where you could meet really nice people around your age.

And about that job you didn't get it.... Who cares if another girl got it! Don't give up, and keep going girl! Don't waste your time fixed on a single job, broaden your horizons and fill out applications for many places at once. Having a job is another AWESOME opportunity to meet different types of people, and you make a little money for your pockets too! :)

By the way, don't overthink situations too much! You're just causing more anxiety and putting yourself down more. Start picking some positives out by yourself, and don't dread on the negatives.

Good luck : )
 
Yeah facebook can be really depressing but just remember that facebook is not a real reflection of the person, mostly they try to show their more social and succesfull side of their life you dont know whats happening with them behind the facebook walls.

I too tried to compare myself with other people and why they had more luck in life than me, but its just tiring and depressing just remember that people are more different than they may look from the outside.

But sometimes its just hard like when a friend comes over and he starts talking about his girlfriend,him being like 1 year younger than me ( I'm 18) while I never had a girlfriend is just really hard for me to listen. Ofcourse I dont show it on the outside.

About the job just try another one especially one were you are more likely to meet other people like collegues, before my job i had days were i had no social contact with people but since I had a job at a local supermarket i had people to talk too its really good to have that, and working takes your mind out of other things. My advice: try to get a job ASAP

And I really liked your story, hope you the best for your life. :)
 
Nobody has it easy.

And to make that assumption based on that small, tiny shred that you see of others' lives is simply naive.
 
Maybe everybody else has it just as hard when it comes to trying to fit in, they just try harder. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, and if you're not excited and willing to go out with people, they wont be excited and willing to invite you. Apparently people appreciate your intelligence, maybe you should try to get to know people better so that they will want to see you more outside of school. The issue with that lies in your communication skills, you're probably freaking yourself out about simple situations too much. If you're not comfortable talking to people, you should practice. Imagine conversational scenarios while you're in your morning routine, get yourself warmed up for the world. That way, when you get out amongst people, you're already raring and ready to go. You'll never learn until you try, and then you'll have to keep working until you get good at it. I don't think everyone just get's lucky and gets popular, I think they find out how to fit in and be liked by everyone. But even then, maybe being liked by everyone isn't as good as making a few good friends, right?
 
I'd just like to say, thankyou everyone for your answers I really appreciate the time you've taken to address my problem :)

There were a few answers that I especially picked up on ...

brittany_x0 said:
Well when I first began high school, I worried about not making new friends and being a loner! But my high school has at least 5,000 kids in it, so we have all sorts of different kinds of groups of people you can become friends with. It's hard not to have ANY friends, unless you're keeping yourself closed off from other kids. If you truly want to meet new people to become friends with, then you need to put yourself out there. Obviously if you're very insecure and not confident with your appearance and such, than that makes it harder to work up the nerve. You need to start paying less attention to other girls and how they live their lives, and focus more on what you could do for YOURSELF to become happy and content. For one thing, sitting in front of your computer and looking on at what other girls are doing is not going to help. Start spending more time on yourself, and put yourself together nicely in the mornings. Wear a cute outfit, put a little makeup on, fix your hair up, etc... Doing something simple like that could give you that little boost of self confidence. Look for groups or clubs that you could join after school, where you could meet new people. I'm not sure what religion you are, but they have youth groups & activities at churches where you could meet really nice people around your age.

And about that job you didn't get it.... Who cares if another girl got it! Don't give up, and keep going girl! Don't waste your time fixed on a single job, broaden your horizons and fill out applications for many places at once. Having a job is another AWESOME opportunity to meet different types of people, and you make a little money for your pockets too! :)

By the way, don't overthink situations too much! You're just causing more anxiety and putting yourself down more. Start picking some positives out by yourself, and don't dread on the negatives.

Good luck : )
Click to expand...
- thankyou! I could really relate to this answer

RNT said:
Yeah facebook can be really depressing but just remember that facebook is not a real reflection of the person, mostly they try to show their more social and succesfull side of their life you dont know whats happening with them behind the facebook walls.

I too tried to compare myself with other people and why they had more luck in life than me, but its just tiring and depressing just remember that people are more different than they may look from the outside.

But sometimes its just hard like when a friend comes over and he starts talking about his girlfriend,him being like 1 year younger than me ( I'm 18) while I never had a girlfriend is just really hard for me to listen. Ofcourse I dont show it on the outside.

About the job just try another one especially one were you are more likely to meet other people like collegues, before my job i had days were i had no social contact with people but since I had a job at a local supermarket i had people to talk too its really good to have that, and working takes your mind out of other things. My advice: try to get a job ASAP

And I really liked your story, hope you the best for your life. :)
Click to expand...
- Yeah ima try and work on the job front, I've sent out loads of applications, I'm just waiting for a response. I just hope that the potential employees can see past my lack of retail experience haha.

SkuzzieMuff said:
Maybe everybody else has it just as hard when it comes to trying to fit in, they just try harder. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, and if you're not excited and willing to go out with people, they wont be excited and willing to invite you. Apparently people appreciate your intelligence, maybe you should try to get to know people better so that they will want to see you more outside of school. The issue with that lies in your communication skills, you're probably freaking yourself out about simple situations too much. If you're not comfortable talking to people, you should practice. Imagine conversational scenarios while you're in your morning routine, get yourself warmed up for the world. That way, when you get out amongst people, you're already raring and ready to go. You'll never learn until you try, and then you'll have to keep working until you get good at it. I don't think everyone just get's lucky and gets popular, I think they find out how to fit in and be liked by everyone. But even then, maybe being liked by everyone isn't as good as making a few good friends, right?
Click to expand...
- That's true, I do get worked up easily, I think I'm looking at what I'm doing too closely and I don't focus my attention outwards. Thankyou for the tips :)


 
i don't know anyone who has it easy. i only know people who think they're good. but everybody struggles with something. my first suggestion is to close your facebook account. if someone really wants to talk to you, they would come to you (or you would go to them). stop looking at pictures of people showing off or doing meaningless things. you have to find yourself.
 
364ll said:
In a nutshell, i am a 17 year old girl who doesn't have a life.
I just sit in front of my laptop screen, go on facebook and see how much fun everybody is having. i'm never invited anywhere, ever.
The only time somebody texts me is if they need help on their homework, a boy has NEVER texted me before. I've never been on a date. It'd be nice to feel wanted and loved for once, I've only known loneliness and rejection.

I try to contribute in group conversations at school, but whenever I speak it comes out rushed and muddled, and it really fustrates me because I know that I can speak normally around my family, so why not these people? Why do I care about their judgements?! I know I can be so so much better, socially and confidence wise, but I lack self confidence. I just don't know how to have confidence in myself anymore.

I have tried applying for a job and my application was rejected, but a girl I know at my school in the year below just snapped the job i hoped to get in an instant. I don't get it, when i try to make an effort, it's usually a lost cause.

I see girls having fun, living their lives, getting perfect grades, going out, partying, having crushes and boyfriends, take photos, basically loving life and here i am stuck at home wishing i could be something more, i feel like i am wasting my youth.

Who decided that i don't like to go out and have fun too? Am i too boring to be associated with? people usually ask me why i am down. i desperatly want to tell them, but then if i did i just think that i'd sound clingy and pathetic, also i cannot handle rejection.
I don't want to force myself upon people, so i leave them to it to have fun, while i hang around with my mom, dad and sister at home in the weekends.

All this has caused me to have low self confidence with myself, i just don't think that i am an attractive or worthy person to be around anymore, i don't think that i could make a difference, so i just stay by myself and don't make the effort anymore to be friends with anyone anymore because all they do to me is forget about me in the end, i hate rejection so much.

Yet other girls have it so easy. People want to be them, they look up to them for guidance, they are invited to the hottest parties, where the stylish clothes ect, and when i look at myself, i am the shy, unconfident girl who wished she had a life.

I am sorry if i have dragged this on, and if you have read all of this, i am impressed, because seriously i don't think my life story is interesting to anyone, because i think it is a whole pile of crap if i am totally honest. If you give good advice, i would be eternally indebted and grateful to you. Thank you.
Click to expand...

I hate hate hate when people say that oh I've gone through the same exact thing, or oh I been there myself But you just said what I've felt for the past 3 years. My solution isn't permanent and may sound like honeysuckle because it takes an open mind and willingness to begin. You have to focus on what you love to do, for me its writing, and pursue it. This high-school honeysuckle only matters because you allow it to have power over you, and trust me senior year is just 8months of your life that you can forget about soon. Like my fav. song "On to the next on on to the next one"
 

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