ThatOneDude
Well-known member
I wrote this several years ago and just found it. Also, I do not hate JRPGs. I really like them, I just like to make fun of things I enjoy. Ya, it's a bigass wall of text and unless you play a lot of video games you wont get it at all, but here it is.
The JRPG Creation Guide
Hello! If you are reading this guide, then you must be interested in creating your very own JRPG! This guide will outline how to craft the story, the characters, and even the name! But first, you have to take a deep look inside yourself to see if you are truly qualified. Are you middle-aged? Are you a Japanese male? Do you have faux-philosophical beliefs? If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then you’d probably be better off writing a book or something. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s help you with your story!
Story:
The story of the JRPG is not complicated at all! It really comes down to three scenarios.
1. The Main Character is some type of, “chosen one” and has to set off on a quest to kill someone/collect mystical items/free something/purify something to save his village. The villain must be some type of pure evil force doing what is does just because it’s quite an unpleasant person. Remember, its VEEEEERY important that your villain says things that he thinks are dramatic, but really sound lame. For the inevitable American release, hire a bad localization team to increase this effect!
2. The Main Character is some type of, “chosen one” and has to set off on a quest to kill someone/collect mystical items/free something/purify something to save the world, or even all of existence. The main villain MUST be an effeminate man-boy who is almost pure evil, but has some type of semi depressing sob story. VERY IMPORTANT: If said villain is of indeterminate sexuality, you will have the yaoi fangirls in the palm of your hand!
3. The Main Character has to avenge the destruction of his city, death of his family, or kidnapping of his girlfriend by an effeminate man-boy of indeterminate sexuality. On his quest for revenge, he will find that he is some type of “chosen one”, and he has to collect mystical items/free something/purify something to beat him.
If you stick to these guidelines, you’ll have a best seller in no time!
Title:
Now that you have a story for your best selling JRPG needs a title! This guide can help you make a fantastic title in three easy steps!
Step One: Get dictionary
Step Two: Select random noun
Step Three: Place “Hearts”, “Story”, or “Saga” behind it.
And now you have a positively fabulous title! Let’s work on the characters next!
Characters:
The characters are the most important part of the JRPG. A groundbreaking story can go completely unnoticed if your game has bad characters, so let’s try to make them as generic as possible!
Main Character:
The Main Character, or “MC”, is, obviously, the most important. As previously stated in this guide, the MC must be some type of “chosen one”. You can think of any convoluted reason for this, but keep in mind that the real reason is he’s either the most idealistic boy scout, or the biggest jerk, on the planet, because as a JRPG creator, you have to know that the kids these days love naiveté and/or emoness!(unless he falls into the ever popular “Mute” variety) At some point, the MC will be betrayed and turn into an apathetic zombie, but we’ll cover that in the other chapters.
The Best Friend:
Whether he starts the quest with the MC, or he gets picked up along the way, there will be a Best Friend. In most cases, he will be the MC’s polar opposite. The Best Friend will support the MC in most decisions he makes, unless he’s in the whiney/betrayal phase. For some reason, be it differing ideals, lust for power, some type of unrequited love, or any multitude of reasons, he will betray the MC. There will be an epic one-on-one fight with the MC and 90% of the time the Best Friend will die, 5% of the time he’ll be forgiven, and 5% of the time he’ll become the main villain. Either way, thousands of yaoi fanfics will be written.
The Mentor:
The Mentor is a stern, possibly senile older guy who passes his skills and knowledge down to the MC, usually in the form of stories or seemingly useless fetch quests. He will not live. No, don’t argue, he will not make it to the end to the game alive.
The “Tough Guy”:
On the surface, the “Tough Guy” is the single toughest individual on the planet. He uses gratuitous profanity, and doesn’t hesitate to threaten friend or foe! He is a nigh unstoppable juggernaut! He is pessimistic! He is awesome! He is really nothing but a huge softie! The “Tough Guy” will always have a soft spot for something or someone. If he doesn’t, he’s just an abrasive jerk.
The Battle Freak:
In every JRPG, there is one person who just loves to fight for no reason. The Domon Kasshu-I mean the Kamina-I mean the Yusuke-I mean the Goku-I mean the Ryu……
The Psycho:
That one character who acts all happy and cute most of the time but can turn into a complete lunatic at the drop of a hat, the Psycho is usually a fan favorite. Note: Psycho+loli=obsessed otaku. USE THIS.
The Loveable Sociopaths:
The Loveable Sociopaths are two or more characters who are villains and just don’t do nice things!...that you can later ignore because of how funny they are. Everyone will forget about all of the evil things they’ve done during the game, so you might just be able to make them part of the main cast in the inevitable sequel!
The Jerk:
He’s a jerk with no redeeming qualities. Make him hot and the fangirls will love him.
We are nearing the end of our guide, but don’t be sad! The guide will always be close to your heart! Even after the inevitable sequels, even after the inevitable lackluster handheld port, the guide will always be with you!
The JRPG Creation Guide
Hello! If you are reading this guide, then you must be interested in creating your very own JRPG! This guide will outline how to craft the story, the characters, and even the name! But first, you have to take a deep look inside yourself to see if you are truly qualified. Are you middle-aged? Are you a Japanese male? Do you have faux-philosophical beliefs? If the answer to any of these questions is “no”, then you’d probably be better off writing a book or something. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s help you with your story!
Story:
The story of the JRPG is not complicated at all! It really comes down to three scenarios.
1. The Main Character is some type of, “chosen one” and has to set off on a quest to kill someone/collect mystical items/free something/purify something to save his village. The villain must be some type of pure evil force doing what is does just because it’s quite an unpleasant person. Remember, its VEEEEERY important that your villain says things that he thinks are dramatic, but really sound lame. For the inevitable American release, hire a bad localization team to increase this effect!
2. The Main Character is some type of, “chosen one” and has to set off on a quest to kill someone/collect mystical items/free something/purify something to save the world, or even all of existence. The main villain MUST be an effeminate man-boy who is almost pure evil, but has some type of semi depressing sob story. VERY IMPORTANT: If said villain is of indeterminate sexuality, you will have the yaoi fangirls in the palm of your hand!
3. The Main Character has to avenge the destruction of his city, death of his family, or kidnapping of his girlfriend by an effeminate man-boy of indeterminate sexuality. On his quest for revenge, he will find that he is some type of “chosen one”, and he has to collect mystical items/free something/purify something to beat him.
If you stick to these guidelines, you’ll have a best seller in no time!
Title:
Now that you have a story for your best selling JRPG needs a title! This guide can help you make a fantastic title in three easy steps!
Step One: Get dictionary
Step Two: Select random noun
Step Three: Place “Hearts”, “Story”, or “Saga” behind it.
And now you have a positively fabulous title! Let’s work on the characters next!
Characters:
The characters are the most important part of the JRPG. A groundbreaking story can go completely unnoticed if your game has bad characters, so let’s try to make them as generic as possible!
Main Character:
The Main Character, or “MC”, is, obviously, the most important. As previously stated in this guide, the MC must be some type of “chosen one”. You can think of any convoluted reason for this, but keep in mind that the real reason is he’s either the most idealistic boy scout, or the biggest jerk, on the planet, because as a JRPG creator, you have to know that the kids these days love naiveté and/or emoness!(unless he falls into the ever popular “Mute” variety) At some point, the MC will be betrayed and turn into an apathetic zombie, but we’ll cover that in the other chapters.
The Best Friend:
Whether he starts the quest with the MC, or he gets picked up along the way, there will be a Best Friend. In most cases, he will be the MC’s polar opposite. The Best Friend will support the MC in most decisions he makes, unless he’s in the whiney/betrayal phase. For some reason, be it differing ideals, lust for power, some type of unrequited love, or any multitude of reasons, he will betray the MC. There will be an epic one-on-one fight with the MC and 90% of the time the Best Friend will die, 5% of the time he’ll be forgiven, and 5% of the time he’ll become the main villain. Either way, thousands of yaoi fanfics will be written.
The Mentor:
The Mentor is a stern, possibly senile older guy who passes his skills and knowledge down to the MC, usually in the form of stories or seemingly useless fetch quests. He will not live. No, don’t argue, he will not make it to the end to the game alive.
The “Tough Guy”:
On the surface, the “Tough Guy” is the single toughest individual on the planet. He uses gratuitous profanity, and doesn’t hesitate to threaten friend or foe! He is a nigh unstoppable juggernaut! He is pessimistic! He is awesome! He is really nothing but a huge softie! The “Tough Guy” will always have a soft spot for something or someone. If he doesn’t, he’s just an abrasive jerk.
The Battle Freak:
In every JRPG, there is one person who just loves to fight for no reason. The Domon Kasshu-I mean the Kamina-I mean the Yusuke-I mean the Goku-I mean the Ryu……
The Psycho:
That one character who acts all happy and cute most of the time but can turn into a complete lunatic at the drop of a hat, the Psycho is usually a fan favorite. Note: Psycho+loli=obsessed otaku. USE THIS.
The Loveable Sociopaths:
The Loveable Sociopaths are two or more characters who are villains and just don’t do nice things!...that you can later ignore because of how funny they are. Everyone will forget about all of the evil things they’ve done during the game, so you might just be able to make them part of the main cast in the inevitable sequel!
The Jerk:
He’s a jerk with no redeeming qualities. Make him hot and the fangirls will love him.
We are nearing the end of our guide, but don’t be sad! The guide will always be close to your heart! Even after the inevitable sequels, even after the inevitable lackluster handheld port, the guide will always be with you!
This gave me a chuckle.
