Shy/Low self-esteem/Parinoid/Weirdness

I've had a problem through most of my male life (the starting at the part where I realized appearances mean something to people) where I have no idea how people perceive me at all and I'm very negative/shy about it. Some people have told me I am cute or attractive and some have told me otherwise. Others write me off and don't say anything at all...

I know attitude is a key part to attraction (i.e. if you look like your attitude is at the top of the world people are attracted to that) and I've tried to change mine. It seems like every time I am conveying a happy-go-lucky attitude I am shot down by some dismal, unamused face staring back at me. It's enough to give up.

I have a pretty severe case of what is close to adult acne (it's flared up worse more recently) and it's hard talking about it because I've had it ever since I was a teenager. It delivers blows directly to my self-esteem and makes it that much lower. I've tried every medication/regiment on the market (even the one pill where you can't eat an hour before and an hour after taking it...) and none seem to work. I'm trying to see some professional who will understand I am not a lab rat for some new medication that won't work for me, because I've been treated that way before and it's not fun. It's like they are not taking my problem seriously.

I've been fooling around with the notion that maybe I'm not as attractive or talented as I maybe at one point thought I was. I just can't help wondering and pondering on "Why would someone love me if I look like I do? And how can they deal with my weirdness and sometimes just awkwardness?"

They are impossible questions to answer and they keep me up at night. A large majority of people just don't get me and shoot me down/write me off as some deviant, and sometimes I feel that no one is ever going to get the kind of person I am. I'm certainly not normal from what I understand. ( i. e. In college and doesn't want to go to parties 24/7 and drink 24/7 and do drugs all the time and objectify women because YEAH! IT'S COLLEGE! People look at me weird when I don't agree that's not what I want to do with myself...)

I mean, a party or two is fine and hey a drink with some FRIENDS is nice but I'm not basing my life around it at all.

Anyway, that's a lot to get through for a thread, and thanks to those who took the time to read this little situation I'm in. Oh, and hey, I registered a few weeks ago and this seems like a nice supportive place.

Hello music buddy! =P

Not everyone is attracted to the same things... For example, I find Brad Pitt to be quite ordinary and would rather date a sponge. There's always going to be people who like you and think you're great, and others who don't... you're never going to please everyone.

Attitude IS really important...people are attracted to happy people who appear confident, but it's so hard to maintain that persona if it's not the natural you.

As for acne, I know it can run riot on a person's self esteem... so many people seem to have it though... forget the doctors and get a referral to a dermatologist because they're going to have more of an idea of what might/might not work for you..and that's from experience, not from reading from a prescription guide. If it's really bad, there's this medication a few people I know have used and the results are AMAZING. The name escapes me for the moment...

I doubt anyone will ever "get" me either. I am surrounded by beer and pub culture and I'm allergic to alcohol! Can you imagine! Most young people at college are twats anyway. Are you American? We don't have "college" here is all...

Sorry my reply isn't particularly helpful.

P.S. It sounds as though you're more mature than your peers as well. Do you get along better with older people?

Yeah, I do seem to get along with some older people a little better and I am American. I do also have some like-minded same age friends but, where I am is a good 15 hour drive away from home where they all live.

It just gets a little hard when you're thrown into a seemingly narrow-minded subculture where you can't tell who shares some of your unique views and who doesn't.

As for acne, the only thing I HAVEN'T tried would be Accutane. That would be because the dermatologists are all iffy because that one U.S. senator's son committed suicide and he happened to be on it. I think it has more with being a senator's son than anything else...

smitty said:

Yeah, I do seem to get along with some older people a little better and I am American. I do also have some like-minded same age friends but, where I am is a good 15 hour drive away from home where they all live.

It just gets a little hard when you're thrown into a seemingly narrow-minded subculture where you can't tell who shares some of your unique views and who doesn't.

As for acne, the only thing I HAVEN'T tried would be Accutane. That would be because the dermatologists are all iffy because that one U.S. senator's son committed suicide and he happened to be on it. I think it has more with being a senator's son than anything else...

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That sounds like the thing my sister's boyfriend is taking but it has a different name over here. If you ask me his skin wasn't even very bad to begin with, but now it's pretty much perfect.

I think that's crap. Lots of people who go on the drug are probably already depressed because they're self-conscious about their looks. Sounds as though they're using it as an excuse to justify the son's suicide. Pbbt.

You seem really mature and honest about life. When people experience dark days they grow inside and hold a deeper level of understanding about the world. You gotta understand that this world is corrupt and fake. Everyone is an actor portraying some false facade about who they are to gain acceptance from other fake superficial people. That's the problem. YOU"RE REAL! You understand all too well the social cred standards other people have when they choose to have friends. It's like friends are accesories to be dangled around to attract even more friends that can boost your self image to all the shallow people out there! Everything you hold dear (your morals and ideals) about what should be is the complete opposite of the reality of this cut throat world. People are a bunch of hipocrites and emotional cripples who never reflect on what they're about because they're too busy playing a role. It's all a game and it's all lies. Nothing real with substance means anything to those college kids who play mind games, work out like crazy just to stay fit, use and step on other people to get ahead and dispose of their friends if one of them is lacking in any way and other worst things you can imagine. It's all about IMAGE to these selfish egotistical perfectionist actors who think they're movie stars or something. Everyone is so cold and distant and guarded that a person like you who wants to reach these people will fail each time because emotion and intimacy is like some sort of repellent. It's a sign that says your weak and needy. This whole world is Effed up so don't blame yourself for how it's designed. We're told over and over again that we should respect people, be inclusive, understanding and accepting, yet that's all BS. People are PICKY and calculating and will just blow someone off at the drop of the hat while they exualt themselves in their profiles as "caring, loving, understanding, sincere" blah blah blah. It's so fake cause they don't EVER practice what they preach. That' just the way it is, and I know it sucks. You should be happy, having friends, going to college, getting laid and all that jazz but don't beat yourself up. I know it's hard when you feel like a loser and you just wanna fix it, but hang in there. There are people out there in the world who can relate and who understand your state of mind...people who know the coldheartedness of this superficial world...At least you're not a part of it. There are real people like you out there, you just gotta find them.
About your acne....I know what you mean cause i had acne and i still get occasional breakouts every now and then. I used tazorac but it sucked cause It irritated my skin. Dermatologists never do anything and are just out for the money. If you wanna completely get rid of your acne, you can see a cosmetic dermatologist like that DR from extreme makerover. She won't just prescribe you topic meds and anitibiotics, but she'll actually give you something that works. Other than that, the acne will just go away. It's hormonal so once it's outta your symtem you'll just see your face clear up...I know you wish it were today!!! I stopped taking prescribed meds and just used clearasil. I used the clearasil facial cleansing scrub and the benzoyl peroxide. It works and doesn't damage your skin like the harsher meds that peel and irritate your skin and make you look blushed red! I wish I knew you, cause I'd definately wanna chill!!! I'll be your friend =)

lol smitty reminds me of me. Every time i talk to my sister I get that 'IT'S COLLEGE, GO PARTY, DRINK, YOU'RE ONLY THAT AGE ONCE'. i don't like to party..not everyone has fun in the same way :/

Also ..why i said you reminded me of me is this. I always thought I was normal..i don't dress-up and stuff, but I never thought about appearance ..heck I don't see myself during the day (everyone else does..so it never occurred to me that my looks mattered). It's still not a problem, because my life too darn complicated for it to matter. But just the other day I met a really depressed person, and they were complaining about their life. I told them to check this site out but they refused..but the point is they were saying...because I said I could relate to some of the stuff they feel...they told me that if I'm lonely it's because I need to start dressing up and fixing my hair and stuff so that I fit in. But I always thought I did fit in lol

well that was me being all self-centered and rambling about myself...
thing is though, don't worry to much, some people don't even notice weirdness in others..i'm serious..so maybe if you hard a hard time noticing that you are weird then you are one of those people, and you'll end-up making friend who are like that as well..MAYBE..cause my mom always says that my friends are all weird, yet I dont see this...

i think that's how i'll be for you...and people are different some people need a whole heap of friends ..others just need two...what you'll do to yourself to get friends may depend on what you need...