Does life have anything to offer me? Does 'anyone' even care?

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Appleseed761

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Joined
Mar 27, 2011
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Location
London
Well I have never been on these forums before but somehow found myself writing on this one... I guess I just wanna chat with you guys and hopefully get some response and feel better about my situation. Please be gentle with me, I’m new (and fragile!)

I’m 35 years old, just been through a divorce after 7 years of marriage. I felt so distraught and took time off work for myself and went travelling alone around Asia and Australia in 2010. I hooked up with a guy whilst I was in Australia and stayed with him for a few months. I fell in love and thought things were going to be serious but then his nasty side came out and he physically and mentally abused me til I came fleeing back to England in January this year. I felt that my heart was broken once again. (Twice in 1 year is too much!)

So now I find that I am pregnant by this guy in Australia! I am happy as this is going to be my first baby but mortified at the same time because I have this connection with this nutter forever whom I do not have any feelings for anymore! I am so frustrated with myself and feel so isolated and so scared of facing things alone! Also I am living back at my Mother’s house and I cannot find a job (due to being pregnant!) At my age, I would have expected to be a bit more settled by now! I would say that I am sensible, quite smart and a good person so why am I choosing wrong decisions at this stage in life and making bad judgements?

So I wanna know if I am going to be able to face life again? I don’t know where to begin! Is it just me or am I going to be able to put my trust in men again? It's such a long time since I had a smile on my face or had a good laugh. Does anyone even care?

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but these are my thoughts- it hurts me to the point that I just feel like giving up altogether. The only thing that is keeping me going is this baby...
 
Does anyone even care?
I often ask that same question myself.
This morning I am thinking that we are all so self-involved
That it just seems like nobody cares.
In other words, we are all too wrapped up in our own problems to
care as much as we should.
So it's not like everyone is heartless, but rather they are just dealing with their own problems
Good luck to you.
 
A new life said:
Does anyone even care?
I often ask that same question myself.
This morning I am thinking that we are all so self-involved
That it just seems like nobody cares.
In other words, we are all too wrapped up in our own problems to
care as much as we should.
So it's not like everyone is heartless, but rather they are just dealing with their own problems
Good luck to you.

Yeah, I know that you are right! That is why I am on here. I know that I magnify my own problems more than anyone else because everyone else is too busy worrying about their own problems! Sometimes the obvious just needs to be pointed out and things put into perspective. We are all human beings though and it's not always easy!
 
Appleseed761 said:
A new life said:
Does anyone even care?
I often ask that same question myself.
This morning I am thinking that we are all so self-involved
That it just seems like nobody cares.
In other words, we are all too wrapped up in our own problems to
care as much as we should.
So it's not like everyone is heartless, but rather they are just dealing with their own problems
Good luck to you.

Yeah, I know that you are right! That is why I am on here. I know that I magnify my own problems more than anyone else because everyone else is too busy worrying about their own problems! Sometimes the obvious just needs to be pointed out and things put into perspective. We are all human beings though and it's not always easy!

Good!
I'm glad you understood what I meant.
I was feeling rather clumsy, and had to edit my post 3 times
Before I was satisfied.

 
Good!
I'm glad you understood what I meant.
I was feeling rather clumsy, and had to edit my post 3 times
Before I was satisfied.

Haha! It's how you put it out there.
I think that I really need to throw away that magnifying glass now!

 
Appleseed761,

Welcome to the Forum.

I emphathize with you entire situation, and hope you can get some good advice on here and make some good friends.

As far as advice goes, I am afraid I am not good at it...when it comes to me, I have always compared myself to a book I read once: "Smart Women, Foolish Choices."

I will say though, that I have gotten a lot of good advice from people on here, and that you will find that people DO CARE!

I do! You have been though a heckuva lot and have hard times to come, but you will get by, and have a wonderful baby on the way. That is the most wonderful gift that you will ever have and something to certainly look forward too!
 
No idea how this applies or if it makes any sense but I've had 2 requests to impregnate women and stay out of their lives afterwards.

Babies=good
relationships with men= notsogreat
 
WishingWell said:
Appleseed761,

As far as advice goes, I am afraid I am not good at it...when it comes to me, I have always compared myself to a book I read once: "Smart Women, Foolish Choices."
Hmm, story of my life!!

Thanks Wishing well- I felt foolish for posting at first, but then that stops us reaching out doesn't it? I feel better already. I was hoping not to appear 'attention' seaking. Sure, there are people with worse problems than me out there but it is just nice to get things off my chest and have someone like you take a minute out and respond. Sometimes my own loneliness drives me insane. They say that a problem shared is a problem halved!

alonewanderer said:
No idea how this applies or if it makes any sense but I've had 2 requests to impregnate women and stay out of their lives afterwards.

Babies=good
relationships with men= notsogreat

Lol!!

I brought back a suvenir from my travels... (A sperm donor!)

OK, so at least I am laughing about it right now- sort of!

 
When you hold your child and look down at their face for the first time and realise that, without that idiot that child would never have existed, it'll be worth it. You'd be surprised how much stuff people can put up with for the sake of their kids.

Good luck.
 
Firstly, I'm very sorry for what has happened to you. I'm usually not a supporter of abortion, but situations like the one you described force me to think twice. I think this is absolutely unfair to you and the unborn child.

Life has much to offer you. In fact, I'd say you've accepted many of its offers. For one (of many, I'd bet), you've found a level of success that has afforded you the privilege to take time off from work and travel overseas! For some, the "travel" part is a dream seemingly far away. For millions of others, the "work" part is. For some, the opportunity to meet someone they'd have a shot at dating, much less being married to for several years, requires some kind of miracle. We always have to take a step back and remember all that we have to be grateful for in the mist of those things that can bring our spirit down.

As for the things that bring us down, I'd like to think that patience and learning from the bad experiences can lead to positive outcomes in the future. The scary thing (in my case) about this patience is I'm starting to wonder if I've confused (for years) passivity with patience. I'm 29 and would love to find "love", but I really struggle at creating opportunities for this. But as long as we are aware of our ability to improve and do things differently, there's always a chance to rise tomorrow.
 
I said:
When you hold your child and look down at their face for the first time and realise that, without that idiot that child would never have existed, it'll be worth it. You'd be surprised how much stuff people can put up with for the sake of their kids.

Good luck.

Yes, I believe this to be true. I was in total denial of my pregnancy for a long time because it was a constant reminder of the father but when I went for my baby scan and heard my baby's heart beat and saw it lying there inside of me- it melted me... A taste of something great to come.
 
jjam said:
Firstly, I'm very sorry for what has happened to you. I'm usually not a supporter of abortion, but situations like the one you described force me to think twice. I think this is absolutely unfair to you and the unborn child.

Life has much to offer you. In fact, I'd say you've accepted many of its offers. For one (of many, I'd bet), you've found a level of success that has afforded you the privilege to take time off from work and travel overseas! For some, the "travel" part is a dream seemingly far away. For millions of others, the "work" part is. For some, the opportunity to meet someone they'd have a shot at dating, much less being married to for several years, requires some kind of miracle. We always have to take a step back and remember all that we have to be grateful for in the mist of those things that can bring our spirit down.

As for the things that bring us down, I'd like to think that patience and learning from the bad experiences can lead to positive outcomes in the future. The scary thing (in my case) about this patience is I'm starting to wonder if I've confused (for years) passivity with patience. I'm 29 and would love to find "love", but I really struggle at creating opportunities for this. But as long as we are aware of our ability to improve and do things differently, there's always a chance to rise tomorrow.

Hi Jjam,

I am happy to go through with this pregnancy! Y'see whilst I was married it just never happened. (Maybe it was not meant to be?) So this is my miracle baby!

I am very grateful for the good things in my life and realise that my problems are by far 'not the worse that can happen to anyone.'

I think we all get clouded by reality sometimes and I just needed a check up because I am at a low point in life and cannot see forward!

As adults we seem to be constantly learning and life is such a hard lesson. It's so frustrating when I keep tripping up! I find it hard to forgive myself for making bad judgements and costly mistakes! C'mon life gimme a break already!! I guess I just pick myself up and start from scratch again?

I do hope that you will find the opportunities yourself to make you happy! You pointed out a few if my opportunities, travel, marriage etc... And I am grateful! But I have struggled all my life and had very few opportunities growing up. I never had anything put on a plate in front of me and had to work my butt off, never working less than 2 jobs (although it's not all about money) and I too had to be very patient! In the end it did pay off. What do you think is stopping you from creating your opportunities? Is it that you are shy? Lack confidence? You have some really positive attitudes, I wish you the best of luck, you seem like you deserve it!
 
Appleseed761 said:
Well I have never been on these forums before but somehow found myself writing on this one... I guess I just wanna chat with you guys and hopefully get some response and feel better about my situation. Please be gentle with me, I’m new (and fragile!)

I’m 35 years old, just been through a divorce after 7 years of marriage. I felt so distraught and took time off work for myself and went travelling alone around Asia and Australia in 2010. I hooked up with a guy whilst I was in Australia and stayed with him for a few months. I fell in love and thought things were going to be serious but then his nasty side came out and he physically and mentally abused me til I came fleeing back to England in January this year. I felt that my heart was broken once again. (Twice in 1 year is too much!)

So now I find that I am pregnant by this guy in Australia! I am happy as this is going to be my first baby but mortified at the same time because I have this connection with this nutter forever whom I do not have any feelings for anymore! I am so frustrated with myself and feel so isolated and so scared of facing things alone! Also I am living back at my Mother’s house and I cannot find a job (due to being pregnant!) At my age, I would have expected to be a bit more settled by now! I would say that I am sensible, quite smart and a good person so why am I choosing wrong decisions at this stage in life and making bad judgements?

So I wanna know if I am going to be able to face life again? I don’t know where to begin! Is it just me or am I going to be able to put my trust in men again? It's such a long time since I had a smile on my face or had a good laugh. Does anyone even care?

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself but these are my thoughts- it hurts me to the point that I just feel like giving up altogether. The only thing that is keeping me going is this baby...

If you live anywere near Preston appleseed I will gladly meet you for a chat about things.
 
Appleseed, your story touched me... There is a lot to say, but I want to tell you this first - Stop thinking about what you don't have in your life, or what you didn't manage to do so far (that you wanted to be more settled by the age of 35) - start thinking about good and positive things that you have, and that awaits you in the future! And, you know what, some people start to live their life for real after 35, or even after 40, so don't think that it is too late, or something...

I've send you a PM, please, read it. :)
 

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