A walking contradiction asks: Is this the board for me?

Hello, everyone.

I found this site completely by accident while searching for something else related to loneliness, and while I don't believe it was a sign of anything (since I don't believe in signs or anything supernatural), I decided to go for it.

Is this an appropriate board for me? I don't know. I hope those more familiar with this board can give me a thumbs up or down.

I am a walking contradiction--which may explain my bouts of loneliness. My tastes are weird, and the academic crowd, for example, cannot understand my lifelong devotion to science fiction and super-hero comic books any more than my fellow geeks in fandom can understand my devotion to academia, classic literature, and the humanities.

I would love to live in a small town or hamlet (as long as it was not very conservative), but I have lived in New York City all my life and cannot leave since my job is here and I also have to take care of my parents. I get on well with my parents and sister, but most of the rest of the family is trash--and my folks won't get any help there. Both of my parents are seniors with health problems, and my sister, middle-aged like me, has her own health issues.

I am a left-leaning political liberal but am very conservative in my private life. I am gay and I believe in freedom of choice and lifestyle for all, including the right to non-monogamy if that is what one desires, yet I can only envision monogamy for myself and have no desire to sleep with anyone outside of a committed relationship. (I know there are other gay men who think like this, but they are hard to find here in New York City.) I am not in a relationship, and I won't say how long it has been since I have had sex.

Most of my friends are heterosexual Republicans males with views that are the opposite of mine. In addition, New York City may be a liberal town, but my neighborhood is depressingly close-minded and I cannot be myself until I have closed the windows and curtains. Neighbors actually complain when non-white friends visit. (Talk about disgusting!) Again, I cannot leave; I have to be walking distance from my parents in case of an emergency.

I was never Mormon, but my friend call me The Mormon since I don't drink coffee or soda in addition to never having smoked, never having done recreational drugs, and never having been drunk or tipsy. (I will drink socially once in a blue moon--but then only one or two drinks, usually a red wine or Woodpecker Cider.) Even when I was in my 20s, I was uncomfortable in bars and clubs (gay or straight). I did try them many times; they just seemed so... silly.

And yet... My university students adore me and fight to get into my classes. The evaluations students fill out every semester praise me to the skies. I work very, very hard--well beyond what I am paid to do--and I also have a good sense of humor. In my private life I do freelance voiceovers and sing in addition to teaching, and sometimes I bring music and character voices/accents into the classroom.

Yet, when I was my students' age I was well hated by people my age, and most of my friends were older. Before that, I was frequently bullied in grade school and high school. (Some of the older friends from then are still friends now, although most of them now live in other states or countries.)

I have no problem doing a lot of crazy things in class to make my students laugh just as I have no problem standing in front of a large audience and giving a speech (something I have done many times) or getting up on stage and singing a few solos among others' solos. Of late I have formed friendships with other musicians, but it is too early to call them good friends.

And yet, put me in a party and I can't think of a word to say--which is why I avoid them and don't even celebrate my own birthday. Put me in a bar and it is the closest I will come to having a panic attack.

So, does this walking contradiction belong here, or should he search elsewhere?

--Eclectic New Yorker

welcome

Welcome! I hope you'll enjoy your stay here

One man's opinion:
Stay, Participate, Just don't be a troll ( Someone who lives to put other people down)
Eclectic can be very interesting.

Enjoy

Welcome to the site.

As a newbie myself, I can't really say (besides, no-one can really say if something is right for you but you - or at least that's what I think). What I WILL say is - why not give it a try and see? What's the worst that can happen? *watches as a piano falls out of the sky* umm....oops?

G'day

I thank you all for responding and making me feel welcome. That was very kind of you.

I really, really, really need to talk about specific issues (and am willing to read about and comment on others' issues in return). On another board I got comments specific to the issues in my first post, so perhaps that one will be a better 'fit' for me.

I wish everyone here well and hope that each of you finds what he or she is seeking.

Hi welcome

Eclectic New Yorker said:

I am a walking contradiction--which may explain my bouts of loneliness. My tastes are weird, and the academic crowd, for example, cannot understand my lifelong devotion to science fiction and super-hero comic books any more than my fellow geeks in fandom can understand my devotion to academia, classic literature, and the humanities.

Click to expand...

Aw you left us before I got a chance to respond. I'm going to have a sad now.

*sad moment*

lol,

You sound like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Green Lantern Comics but I also love classical literature. Walking contradictions for the win.

Why limit yourself to the heady stuff? Read everything you can get your hands on and you'll know more about how the English language can be used in its various forms.

I love language.

<3 <3 <3


lol, okay </nerd moment>


Welcome!

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