C
CryingInside13
Guest
I'm new to this so here we go.
Well, my 4 month relationship just ended last Thursday and I kind of wasn't expecting it. At first I wanted to end it but I realized that I really didn't want to let him go. But I asked him his opinion and he decided it was best and I agreed. I didn't think it was going to hurt that bad because we didn't really talk much or go out. But I had a crush on him for 3 years, at times even when I was going out with my 1st boyfriend. I know I sound like a terrible person but I'm not. It's just we were really good friends since my sophomore year of high school and we continued to be friends throughout high school. It's just there was something about him that I couldn't get off my mind. Anyway, so naturally after we broke, for the best for both of us, I was pretty depressed and cried constantly. But it hurt so so bad. Worse than I had ever imagined. I mean, it felt like I lost a part of me. I tried so hard not to show my emotion but eventually I just cracked and just let it all out when I was alone. I figured that it was going to hurt for a couple of days but then things happened that made me think of him. It seemed like everything around me reminded me of him, even the stupidest things, like calories and waking up during my dreams. And it only got worse after the weekend was over. I tried so hard to cheer myself up by keeping myself occupied with other things like school and marching band. It only helped for a little while until I got back to my dorm and was alone. Then the depression came back. Time passed and I thought I was finally over it. I had been talking to alot of people about my situtation and they each gave good advice and helped me feel a little better. Well, one friend had noticed that I seemed to be laughing to cover up my sadness and then I realized that he was right. Surprisingly, I had been excessively giggly and kind of distant that day. Well, it was then also realized that I was trying so hard to hide my feelings that I wasn't really ok. I had gotten advice earlier that day to "suck it up and move on" and I was trying hard to do just that, which wasn't working. So, after we talked, I felt alot better and was ready to slowly start moving on even though it still was hurting pretty bad. But today, I was checking out my ex's Myspace and read something that I wish I didn't. Apparently some girl asked him out on a date and he's only been single for about a week! My heart just stopped and a wave of depression hit me and left me breathless. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether I should cry or be happy for him. Nevertheless, I started to cry but nothing came out. I couldn't see what he wrote back, if at all, because hers is set to private. I started to worry that he was going to move on and forget about me altogether. What's worse is that he probably doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, or as strongly. I mean I had a crush on the guy for 3 years! Anyway, at the time I was talking to his bestest friend on AIM so I told him about it. He tried to reassure me that it wouldn't work out or that he'd say no. But I still felt really depressed, angry, and jealous. I couldn't believe someone would do that! And so publicly too! I know that I shouldn't care or whatever but it just hurts so bad. I feel like my heart's being torn apart all over again and just when I was healing so well! I mean it gets to the point that I can't even poke him Facebook because every time I do I see his picture and it reminds me of what I lost. Sadly, I don't know him well enough to figure out what he'll do next but I'm afraid that his friends might tell him to go for it so he can better move on. I'm just so terrified. It's seems so stupid for me to dewell on this. Chances are he's probably forgotton all about me. But I guess my questions are 1) Am I in love? 2) Should I just move on with my life and not dewell so much on what will probably never be? and 3) Is it bad to be optimistic that maybe one day we'll get back together again?
Sorry for the long post. Any feedback is good.
***EDIT***
I meant "wouldn't work out." I made the change. Sorry about that. >.<
Well, my 4 month relationship just ended last Thursday and I kind of wasn't expecting it. At first I wanted to end it but I realized that I really didn't want to let him go. But I asked him his opinion and he decided it was best and I agreed. I didn't think it was going to hurt that bad because we didn't really talk much or go out. But I had a crush on him for 3 years, at times even when I was going out with my 1st boyfriend. I know I sound like a terrible person but I'm not. It's just we were really good friends since my sophomore year of high school and we continued to be friends throughout high school. It's just there was something about him that I couldn't get off my mind. Anyway, so naturally after we broke, for the best for both of us, I was pretty depressed and cried constantly. But it hurt so so bad. Worse than I had ever imagined. I mean, it felt like I lost a part of me. I tried so hard not to show my emotion but eventually I just cracked and just let it all out when I was alone. I figured that it was going to hurt for a couple of days but then things happened that made me think of him. It seemed like everything around me reminded me of him, even the stupidest things, like calories and waking up during my dreams. And it only got worse after the weekend was over. I tried so hard to cheer myself up by keeping myself occupied with other things like school and marching band. It only helped for a little while until I got back to my dorm and was alone. Then the depression came back. Time passed and I thought I was finally over it. I had been talking to alot of people about my situtation and they each gave good advice and helped me feel a little better. Well, one friend had noticed that I seemed to be laughing to cover up my sadness and then I realized that he was right. Surprisingly, I had been excessively giggly and kind of distant that day. Well, it was then also realized that I was trying so hard to hide my feelings that I wasn't really ok. I had gotten advice earlier that day to "suck it up and move on" and I was trying hard to do just that, which wasn't working. So, after we talked, I felt alot better and was ready to slowly start moving on even though it still was hurting pretty bad. But today, I was checking out my ex's Myspace and read something that I wish I didn't. Apparently some girl asked him out on a date and he's only been single for about a week! My heart just stopped and a wave of depression hit me and left me breathless. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether I should cry or be happy for him. Nevertheless, I started to cry but nothing came out. I couldn't see what he wrote back, if at all, because hers is set to private. I started to worry that he was going to move on and forget about me altogether. What's worse is that he probably doesn't feel the same way about me as I do about him, or as strongly. I mean I had a crush on the guy for 3 years! Anyway, at the time I was talking to his bestest friend on AIM so I told him about it. He tried to reassure me that it wouldn't work out or that he'd say no. But I still felt really depressed, angry, and jealous. I couldn't believe someone would do that! And so publicly too! I know that I shouldn't care or whatever but it just hurts so bad. I feel like my heart's being torn apart all over again and just when I was healing so well! I mean it gets to the point that I can't even poke him Facebook because every time I do I see his picture and it reminds me of what I lost. Sadly, I don't know him well enough to figure out what he'll do next but I'm afraid that his friends might tell him to go for it so he can better move on. I'm just so terrified. It's seems so stupid for me to dewell on this. Chances are he's probably forgotton all about me. But I guess my questions are 1) Am I in love? 2) Should I just move on with my life and not dewell so much on what will probably never be? and 3) Is it bad to be optimistic that maybe one day we'll get back together again?
Sorry for the long post. Any feedback is good.
***EDIT***
I meant "wouldn't work out." I made the change. Sorry about that. >.<
