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I am not sure how to start this. I never had been good with words thanks to being foreigner and not sophisticated type of a person.

My name is Ilia

I was born on Jannuary of 1985 in Moscow Russia from American father and Russian mother.

Currently I live in Lincoln Nebraska. I Serve in US Army as Combat Medic. Been amateur MMA fighter and volunteer EMT. Worked as Firefighter and traveled about 25% of the known world while studying in both UNL and local community college to become future Physician's Assistant.

Yet despite all of this for some reason even when my job requires me to be surrounded by people and while I am friendly and polite to the fault, I cannot seem to be able to gain much of friends or a girlfriend for that matter and all of my relationships in the past have ended in disaster.

Since the age of 6 I have not seen my parents until I moved to United States while living in Ural Mountains with my uncles and grandparents.

I did not have much of children to play around with aside from school where I was constantly bullied due to not being the tallest or the strongest kid. As of current age I am 5'7 feet tall at modest (perhaps 5'8/5'9 when wearing combat boots). I was also very overweight when I grew up and when I hit 16 years old I ws about 5'4 ft tall with 245 pounds of weight on the short stocky body.

Since joining the military I have no longer been overweight and now only being about 160 pounds and quite athletic, my insecurities of constantly being bullied and laughed at for being ugly while as a child and on the top of that being made fun of my russan accent to this date have let me be very self conscious even though most of the people who met me said I am the being that showed the least emotion regardless of situation.

My only company in high school had been only online friends from World of Warcraft and other videogames.

Time have passed and I am no longer in high school, yet for some reason mentality have not changed for me and I have no idea what to do or where to start to change it. I became more active in sports starting with MMA, then snowboarding and skydiving, and also getting certified as SCUBA diver I still cannot contemplate the intricate techniques of the human methods of making friends and significant people in their lives.

While I was in my deployments in combat, I was cheated by two girlfriends back home and broke up with the third over due to her having so many guys giving her attention in the wrong way yet her keeping her them as friends.

Every time when I go to the local night club or a bar now and then, I fid myself not feeling like being at comort level. I look at all of the attractive women and the men they are surrounded with and wonder how do they axcatly start conversation with such ease and no worries while I cannot even blurt a word out to anyone without being rejected?

rejection have became fear in itself for me and I dont know how to overcome such fear to this day.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=1218946536

This would be my facebook profile. Perhaps someone could judge correctly what am I doing wrong that I have put myself in such situation.

I have lived the life to it's fullest and yet... I feel like it is empty husk to this day.

 
Did someone say Russian accent? o.o (Dibs)

Welcome to the site. :)

I'm joining the military, too. Maybe our paths will cross. :eek:

I don't want to judge you... yet. Lol jk but seriously though sometimes the problem lies with other people. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sorry about the cheating thing. Long distance is hard.

Anyway, I hope you like it here. Because I know I do. :cool:
 
Welcome to the site.
 
Callie said:
You call dibs on all the guys. geez! lol

Welcome Ilia :D

Haha, that's exactly what I was thinking when I read it... high five! :d

Anyway, enough joking around; welcome to the forum! I hope you'll enjoy your stay here :)
 

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