rant about a socially awkward teenage girl, who's sick and tired.

At school I am the total opposite to what I am like at home, confident, and able to speak up. At school I am shy, quiet, socially awkward. I feel as if I am annoying people with my presence, I feel like an unwanted piece of rubbish. A burden.

I know that I can be so much more, possibly charming, definitely confident & fun to be around as long as I didn't care about what people think about me.

Today is a perfect example of what I had to endure as a consequence of being shy. The group of "friends" I hang around with are relatively welcoming and kind, they joke about, but I don't chip in because I worry whether or not I'll say something stupid.

Today they were planning out a night on the town. The whole group is going and many others are going too. They have ID & are going to attend a foam party. It sounds like so much fun. I desperately wanted to go, you know speak up, join in and have fun. I know I don't have ID but at least an invitation would be nice.

They're going to take pictures and upload them up to facebook, make new friends and acquaintances and the sad thing is that they don't even think about me.

Yes, I know I am quiet and yes I know that I'm shy but that does certainly does not mean that I do not like to have fun and have a bloody good time.

This has happened a few times, so I have just come to the conclusion that they assume I don't like to go out. I've even tried to make hints without confronting them about the fact, but they still don't take the hint. I hate confrontation and I hate speaking up about my wants and needs because I think I sound greedy and needy, the two things that I do not want to give the impression of.

So basically, I am stuck in a rut. Stuck in on the weekends doing jack all with my life because of my so called "friends". I am upset, distraught and don't know what to do.

Aww. Why didn't you speak up? You might have to try being more direct. You won't sound needy if you don't complain to them about not inviting you to anything. Just speak up next time and see if you can join in. Most people don't pay attention to those kinds of things and won't notice how you feel left out on their own.

I gave you some stories before on how to make it so you don't care what people think of you. I know its hard but once you put yourself out there it becomes not a big deal.

Unless you are trying to get groped/molested/drugged by some random guys foam parties suck. I promise.

kamya said:

Aww. Why didn't you speak up? You might have to try being more direct. You won't sound needy if you don't complain to them about not inviting you to anything. Just speak up next time and see if you can join in. Most people don't pay attention to those kinds of things and won't notice how you feel left out on their own.

I gave you some stories before on how to make it so you don't care what people think of you. I know its hard but once you put yourself out there it becomes not a big deal.

Unless you are trying to get groped/molested/drugged by some random guys foam parties suck. I promise.

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Thank you for the response; you're right, but ever since I can remember, I've always think that whatever I say just sounds stupid, but I guess I just read into it too much.

Other people have been starting to notice it too [my lack of self-confidence], but for me it's a hard habit to break. I just find that I never have anything interesting to say or contribute in a discussion. It also doesn't help that I often go blank minded

I think that people automatically assume that since I don't speak up, that I don't like to have a good time.

Next time, I honestly will try and see how it goes, I guess I just assume that the worst will happen & I'll get a "No, you can't come". That'd just kill my confidence.

You're a teenager, everything you said is the typical teenager struggle. Trying to "fit in" in your teen years is impossible. I say be who you want to be, try not to worry about what people will think of you. I know that is really hard to do but you won't be happy unless you do that. I tried to fit in but wasn't happy, so when I was about 16 or 17 I decided to stop trying to fit in or hide who I was. I came out (not in a gay way). I am a huge Batman fan, I still am, I'm a big kid, love cartoons, comic books, video games, etc. Even at my age now I'm still into that stuff it makes me happy. Thankfully I lost no friends, my friends actually liked hanging out with me more. Not everyone will have that experience but it's better to have friends who like you for who you are not who you try to be. Trying to go with the flow or roll along with others is a instinctive survival tactic.

I bet you are exactly right about why your friends didn't invite you. No offence but most teenagers are so wrapped up with their social life they forget about others and their feelings, or don't even care. The teenage years are rough, it's when you struggle to find your identity and place in the world before you are thrust into it. Be who you want to be, be the person you are. You say you are different at home, start to bring that person out in you around your friends.

Sci-Fi said:

You're a teenager, everything you said is the typical teenager struggle. Trying to "fit in" in your teen years is impossible. I say be who you want to be, try not to worry about what people will think of you. I know that is really hard to do but you won't be happy unless you do that. I tried to fit in but wasn't happy, so when I was about 16 or 17 I decided to stop trying to fit in or hide who I was. I came out (not in a gay way). I am a huge Batman fan, I still am, I'm a big kid, love cartoons, comic books, video games, etc. Even at my age now I'm still into that stuff it makes me happy. Thankfully I lost no friends, my friends actually liked hanging out with me more. Not everyone will have that experience but it's better to have friends who like you for who you are not who you try to be. Trying to go with the flow or roll along with others is a instinctive survival tactic.

I bet you are exactly right about why your friends didn't invite you. No offence but most teenagers are so wrapped up with their social life they forget about others and their feelings, or don't even care. The teenage years are rough, it's when you struggle to find your identity and place in the world before you are thrust into it. Be who you want to be, be the person you are. You say you are different at home, start to bring that person out in you around your friends.

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Thank you for your reply. What you have just said does sound like a tough job, but I will try and be who I really am, because I am sick to death of acting like someone who I am clearly not.

What you have said about teenagers is probably right, but at least there's hope further down the line. I cannot wait to leave school and start afresh.

BTW - I love batman

i know 100% how u feel

i am 90% the same the 10% dif is than i am a male

and i feel that no one want me around cuz i am the dry pissed of guy that makes everyting not fun

blackdemon said:

i know 100% how u feel

i am 90% the same the 10% dif is than i am a male

and i feel that no one want me around cuz i am the dry pissed of guy that makes everyting not fun

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Ah, I sympathize with you

The thing is, 364ll, is that people often get that unspoken message that some people are just not into parties and they leave it at that. In my case it was good, because, well, I just plain don't like parties. But if you come off as the type who doesn't party, you should try and express your wishes out loud.

Sci-Fi put it very well that teenagers don't care about others as much as you would want to believe. If they percieve you as the stereotypical 'shy person', they just don't bother. And if you really feel that this image does not suit you, you should try and reveal that true self who is confident and able to speak out, like you said. I would imagine that it's **** hard, but nothing will happen if you do nothing. And really, it bothers me that sometimes when a person is trying to express his discontent about not getting something which is crucial to him, he is being labeled as 'needy'. It really seems to me that it's a superficial construct designed to make people lose their identity, forget their needs and just go with that society deems 'correct behaviour' which often is just what benefits most people and not you.

So don't be afraid to voice your frustration about things like these. I understand you might not want to try and make a stand for yourself, it happens to me too. I too sometimes ignore my discomfort about a certain situation and just let it slide, let people have it their way. But I do realize that there is no logical reason why I am doing so. I'm not getting anything from these particular people by doing so. An instinctual survival tactic, just like Sci-Fi said. But we have to get through those instincts, because they hinder our personal growth.

Solitary said:

The thing is, 364ll, is that people often get that unspoken message that some people are just not into parties and they leave it at that. In my case it was good, because, well, I just plain don't like parties. But if you come off as the type who doesn't party, you should try and express your wishes out loud.

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Thats interesting, I never thought of it that way. Maybe I should try and hint that I do like to go out and have a good time, but I don't know how I would bring it up ....

Solitary said:

Sci-Fi put it very well that teenagers don't care about others as much as you would want to believe. If they percieve you as the stereotypical 'shy person', they just don't bother. And if you really feel that this image does not suit you, you should try and reveal that true self who is confident and able to speak out, like you said. I would imagine that it's **** hard, but nothing will happen if you do nothing. And really, it bothers me that sometimes when a person is trying to express his discontent about not getting something which is crucial to him, he is being labeled as 'needy'. It really seems to me that it's a superficial construct designed to make people lose their identity, forget their needs and just go with that society deems 'correct behaviour' which often is just what benefits most people and not you.

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I agree, I really do want to show my more confident side, but I care too much about what others think about me and it really frustrates me because I know I have the potential to show my true colours to others apart from my family. Yeah, it will be a struggle, but totally worth it in the end. I think that I just got to work on it bit by bit, for example trying to get invited to social gatherings etc. I need to start addressing my own needs, thoughts and feelings more often.

Solitary said:

So don't be afraid to voice your frustration about things like these. I understand you might not want to try and make a stand for yourself, it happens to me too. I too sometimes ignore my discomfort about a certain situation and just let it slide, let people have it their way. But I do realize that there is no logical reason why I am doing so. I'm not getting anything from these particular people by doing so. An instinctual survival tactic, just like Sci-Fi said. But we have to get through those instincts, because they hinder our personal growth.

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I will try my best to voice my frustrations even thought I know that it will be hard to do so at first. I'll try your approach: ignore my feeling of self-doubt and just let it go. Like you've suggested, it's the only way to gain personal growth.

Thankyou for your answer