lonely girl

i'm female. i live in central Illinois. and i just turned 29. so i get to be 29 for the next ten years!

Akyia is my cat's name. She'll be 8 on May 1.

i love to read--philosophy, classic lit., postmodern lit., and books about depression. i like to jog, hike, rollerblade, and when it's too cold outside, i workout on my eliptical. i watch a fair amount of tv shows and movies. i like to cook and bake. i just took up painting.

i've been lonely and depressed (clinically) for most of my life. i've never belonged. guys don't like me. i had a few friends growing up, but always felt like an outsider. in college, my depression got really bad and i couldn't develop any friendships.

during and after college, a few people came into my life who seemed to care about me and wanted to be there for me while I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. i became emotionally attached to a couple of them; but they all abandoned me.

i wanted close relationships so much for so long. but then, last summer, i inexplicably stopped wanting relationships so much. maybe i was giving up, resigning myself to a solitary life. since then, being alone hasn't been excruciating, but it's still very painful.

Hi. I think you'll find there are others like you here. I hope that helps.

You don't have to be lonely anymore there are others here like you. For example me, I've only had one close relationship with a girl and she left on a whim for someone else. We're here for you

Welcome

thanks for welcoming me
it's helps to know i'm not alone in feeling alone.

akyia said:

thanks for welcoming me
it's helps to know i'm not alone in feeling alone.

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Yeah haha, I gave up or just stopped looking for a close relationship too, but I'm only 18 :/ so I can connect with that feeling too

SaveMe, you can wait a little longer before you give up!! 18 is the age of big transitions--maybe your social life will change. but i understand. long before i was 18, i knew that i'd never get married or have a romantic relationship. (i was still hoping for friendships and a sense of belonging when i went to college, but not anymore.)

akyia said:

SaveMe, you can wait a little longer before you give up!! 18 is the age of big transitions--maybe your social life will change. but i understand. long before i was 18, i knew that i'd never get married or have a romantic relationship. (i was still hoping for friendships and a sense of belonging when i went to college, but not anymore.)

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Don't quit just yet. Fate sometimes twists in weird ways

Hi. You shouldn't feel like it's too late for you to meet people who care about you! You're still young and there're many opportunities left for you to get close to other people!

I think you could try taking initiative yourself. You are fit as your hobbies suggest. Fit women attract men more than the unhealthy ones. You should go out more. I'm sure you would meet many men while jogging or doing other forms of sports. Smile to them. Not all the men in the world are bastards. Believe it.

Good luck!

Woot! Someone else who claims "Central Illinois"

You're active, like to cook, and like philosophy. I'm sure there are a lot of guys that would go for that.

I've also been an outsider and yup, didn't make any friends at university.

i wanted close relationships so much for so long. but then, last summer, i inexplicably stopped wanting relationships so much. maybe i was giving up, resigning myself to a solitary life. since then, being alone hasn't been excruciating, but it's still very painful.

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That's what made me want to reply. Don't take this the wrong way but I am pretty much becoming like that and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm close to just saying "fresia it all" and giving up on that stuff all together. I think I could live a solitary life.

Welcome to the forums. I hope you can get a lot out of it.

akyia said:

during and after college, a few people came into my life who seemed to care about me and wanted to be there for me while I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. i became emotionally attached to a couple of them; but they all abandoned me.

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Hi Akyia,
So sorry to hear that...
You must have felt devastated and betrayed by their actions. They left you when you needed them the most.

Hi and welcome

Hi there, I'm east of you over here in Indiana studying at graduate school. I also have depression and I've never had friendships or relationships. Just saying hello as well. You can send me or anyone else private messages if you'd like, as well as just posting around in the forums.

Hi Akyia!

Glad to meet you, what is your specialty dish? I'm into curries ATM (before that it was stirfry, before that, pastas).

My mom owned a home baking shop when a boy, I could make mean meringues and tarts, all dreadfully bad for a healthy diet ;P

Touche on the solitary mission, I feel the same. It's hard, and lonely, but it makes us cope.

Have a biscuit ^_^

thanks for the biscuit!

wow, you really know how to bake!! fancy stuff! Do you make the pasta yourself?

i make moist, gooey cookies, and bars and more--but never for myself--only when i can share them.

some of my favorite dishes to make (and eat) are chapchae, southwestern eggrolls, lemon artichoke chicken, and butternut squash soup. other people like them too!

akyia said:

thanks for the biscuit!

wow, you really know how to bake!! fancy stuff! Do you make the pasta yourself?

i make moist, gooey cookies, and bars and more--but never for myself--only when i can share them.

some of my favorite dishes to make (and eat) are chapchae, southwestern eggrolls, lemon artichoke chicken, and butternut squash soup. other people like them too!

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Akyia I sent a pm

I don't have the time to make the pasta myself, _shhh don't tell anybody_ - Only bake now when I want muffins or brownies (yum) Gooey cookies and things taste best shared too, you're right!

G'day

Hey hey hey! I'm pretty new here too, let's all be lonely together lol.

Although so far I've found it better talking to strangers here these last few days, I think you will too!

How dreadful. I hope you find what you seek. If you ever wish to chat I'll be around, you come across as an interesting individual.