Dont accept your loneliness

Ive seen a lot of people on here making threads about how theyve accepted that their going to be lonely for the rest of their lives and I have one thing to say to those people.....NO!!! Resist it no matter what! Everyone always tells me to "learn to be happy alone" and I always tell them where to stick that advice, Ive been looking for good close friends since I was 12 (Im 20 now) and the last thing Im going to do is give up on those 8 years, I know things may be looking down on us now but let me ask you guys, how long have you been loneyly? 2 years? 5? 10? 20? You give up now and all those years go to waste.

/endrant

You're right. And if someone actively tells you to be happy while being alone, they are clearly making your mindset a scapegoat because they don't want to help you and be your friend. They're blaming you for your unhappiness because you don't want to accept being alone.

A person can find a friend in anyone, be it family or coworkers or classmates. It's a coping mechanism because the world seems less scary when you know you have people to depend on. For someone to say to be happy being alone is simply laziness and denying you of a basic human instinct. Not even just human. Even animals know not to be alone.

I remember my parents would tell me since I was in Kindergarten to be okay with being alone, that people will always let you down, and that friends aren't important. When I grew up and found that friends WERE important, that being a good student didn't mean jack honeysuckle if I was unhappy doing it, they told me that being unable to be alone meant that I was unhappy with myself. Maybe I was. I hated being alone, I hated that I had no social skills, I hated that I never did things that I wanted to do, and I hated that I wanted to do everything to please my parents who didn't even want to be my friends either.

Nobody should be alone. Those who tell you to just deal and cope with it may act like they're giving you good advice, hell, they might even believe that they're doing a good thing just to make themselves feel better about their own bullshit excuse, but it's only an excuse. For all that, I'd rather that person just tell me straight out that he or she wouldn't be my friend and move on.

Fvantom said:

Ive seen a lot of people on here making threads about how theyve accepted that their going to be lonely for the rest of their lives and I have one thing to say to those people.....NO!!! Resist it no matter what! Everyone always tells me to "learn to be happy alone" and I always tell them where to stick that advice, Ive been looking for good close friends since I was 12 (Im 20 now) and the last thing Im going to do is give up on those 8 years, I know things may be looking down on us now but let me ask you guys, how long have you been loneyly? 2 years? 5? 10? 20? You give up now and all those years go to waste.

/endrant

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If your still alone when you reach 30 you will not feel that way.

cumulus.james said:

Fvantom said:

Ive seen a lot of people on here making threads about how theyve accepted that their going to be lonely for the rest of their lives and I have one thing to say to those people.....NO!!! Resist it no matter what! Everyone always tells me to "learn to be happy alone" and I always tell them where to stick that advice, Ive been looking for good close friends since I was 12 (Im 20 now) and the last thing Im going to do is give up on those 8 years, I know things may be looking down on us now but let me ask you guys, how long have you been loneyly? 2 years? 5? 10? 20? You give up now and all those years go to waste.

/endrant

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If your still alone when you reach 30 you will not feel that way.

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That's not being "happy" and being alone. That's giving up.

cumulus.james said:

If your still alone when you reach 30 you will not feel that way.

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I'll be 30 in a few months, and I fully acknowledge that hope remains. Not to get side tracked here, but while I sympathize with everyone who's going through it, I really feel for the disabled people out here who have SERIOUS issues (physically and/or mentally). Now, ask yourself, at 30, do you have SERIOUS issues or are you just not putting forth the effort to change yourself to the appropriate extent so that you can start attracting people and developing meaningful relationships?

Yes, we may have to work harder (or at least it seems) than others out here, but as long as there's work that can be done, there's reason to remain hopeful.

Fvantom said:

Ive seen a lot of people on here making threads about how theyve accepted that their going to be lonely for the rest of their lives and I have one thing to say to those people.....NO!!! Resist it no matter what! Everyone always tells me to "learn to be happy alone" and I always tell them where to stick that advice, Ive been looking for good close friends since I was 12 (Im 20 now) and the last thing Im going to do is give up on those 8 years, I know things may be looking down on us now but let me ask you guys, how long have you been loneyly? 2 years? 5? 10? 20? You give up now and all those years go to waste.

/endrant

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While I like your attitude and energy, I'm going to partially disagree with you here.

Here's what I agree with: Accepting that you are supposedly going to be lonely the rest of your life is the equivalent of giving up. Keeping your hope up is one of the best way to cultivate happiness.

Here's what I disagree with: Your whole RESIST! attitude. Overcoming loneliness does not have to be a fight. It can be more of a journey or a challenge. Also, it's **** near impossible to move forward if you can't learn to accept yourself, realistically, as you are now. Accepting that you are a lonely person now is not the same as giving up. Imagine, instead of being lonely, you were overweight. Which attitude do you think would be more productive?

A) I hate being fat and I HAVE TO lose weight! I must FIGHT and take off these STUPID pounds!

B) I accept that I am an overweight person and that's why it's important for me to acknowledge that, not deny it, and work towards a body I am happier with. In order to do this, I must accept that it is MY responsibility to do something about it, so I'm going to come up with realistic solutions towards the goal that I desire.

Granted, that's a rather obtuse set of options, but I think you see my point. Acceptance of reality is not something to be resisted... provided it's realistic.

Keep up the good fight.

I've been lonely on and off since I was a kid. I'm now 48. So I'll say I've been lonely for at least 40 years.

Yes, I still have hope that I will actually find a few friends that will stick it out to our deaths. But I sometimes don't think that is realistic.

It's not about accepting loneliness, but learning to live life to its fullest... whether or not you have company.

I get so weary of people who are unable to enjoy anything just because they're alone. "I can't take a walk, because there's nobody beside me." "I can't appreciate this comedy, because there's nobody to laugh with." "This meal tastes bad because nobody is masticating on the other side of the table."

I have no problem spending time alone, I just have too much of it. I have good friends and family and I love my five year old son to death, but none of them fill the gaps that a partner would fill. I've raised him single handedly since birth and spend a lot of time alone in the house at night time (no way around this- can't leave him in on his own). I enjoy going to work because I like being around people, any people. I like seeing my friends but I can't socialise every week like I did when I was younger. But I still spend A LOT of time alone and it is lonely.

cumulus.james said:

Fvantom said:

Ive seen a lot of people on here making threads about how theyve accepted that their going to be lonely for the rest of their lives and I have one thing to say to those people.....NO!!! Resist it no matter what! Everyone always tells me to "learn to be happy alone" and I always tell them where to stick that advice, Ive been looking for good close friends since I was 12 (Im 20 now) and the last thing Im going to do is give up on those 8 years, I know things may be looking down on us now but let me ask you guys, how long have you been loneyly? 2 years? 5? 10? 20? You give up now and all those years go to waste.

/endrant

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If your still alone when you reach 30 you will not feel that way.

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I am 30 and I do want friends, a life, a relationship. I don't know if I would ever have that but I at least want one, it would be better than having nothing at all, which is what I have now. I just have my family members but even they have their own friends they want to talk to and be around.

I'm 43, and have been alone for as long as I can remember. The consolation I receive these days, be it recent revelations is God's presence as well as my two cats to keep me company. I do have times where I enjoy my solitude, more like, where I don't have to deal with others dictating what I should do, think, and feel, but I've came to accept the fact, I'm outside of the box. That there really can be no close ties to any human being on this planet, and if there are a few, consider myself lucky. I'm cursed, or blessed, based upon how you look at it, with a very high IQ. I tend to overwhelm people during discussion, not that I'm trying too hard, it's just I have a lot on my plate at once and bounce around different fields extensively. People find that element hard to relate to., Even though I don't view it as a competition, more like allowing my imagination to have some freedom, it's perceived in a negative sense and in a way, I make them feel like they are lazy.

The key here regardless, where I put my faith in, and it used to be in people, until so many let me down, I realize where it should have been all along, and that is God.