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Ambitious

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Hey all,

Just found this site and decided to say hi! I'm 24 yrs old and 6 months ago I moved to a college town where I knew no one because of a job I was offered. I have only made one true friend here who happened to be my roommate who I found on craigslist. Unfortunately they are leaving town for good this week because they've been here 3 years and said there are just not enough people our age here.

I met some other people that I would consider acquaintances, but they weren't really friends and most of them left town last week because final exams ended and this town revolves around the university. I have lots of friends in my hometown which is a 7 hour drive away, but I have a very good job here that I have to keep. Also I just bought a house here, so I'm stuck for awhile.

This is my first time in a new place not knowing anyone, and it is incredibly difficult to meet people and somehow find a place in their already established friend groups. Especially when the only real population here seems to be college students and older people with families. Not really any young professionals at all. Also, the youngest person at my job is 32 :cool: , and none of them are single or do anything outside of work except golf. I tried online meetups but events generally only get 2-5 people because of the general lack of population here. Even that dating site plentyoffish has less than 200 people in a 50 mile radius.

So I've pretty much resigned myself to making friends here. Even if I do make friends, they are bound to leave every summer/break and when they graduate. So here I am hoping to make new friends online to keep my company for the next couple of years. My job has positions in every city in the country, but said that I must stay in my first assignment for 3 years before I can apply for a transfer. :p
 
Hi. There's lots of people here so you should have a good chance at finding people you'd like to talk to on a regular basis. Good luck.
 
Thank you...but trust me, I've thought about quitting and moving back to my hometown many times. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that I will be able to move to a big city in 2-3 years.
 
Hey Ambitious,

You are ambitious anyway that's a good thing. You didn't say much about your reasons for having a hard time finding friends, but I can relate. I tend to have a few really close friends rather than many acquaintances, and I know how it feels when one of those few moves away/moves on. When you don't have many people in your life, the loss of one is debilitating. Hang in there, lean on us, and don't wish those 2-3 years to go by quickly, you'll never get them back, and you'll regret their passing later on. Get out there and do whatever it is that you like to do, even if you have to do it alone. The more people you meet, the better chance you'll have of meeting someone who is like you. Hang in there!

Ambitious said:
Hey all,

Just found this site and decided to say hi! I'm 24 yrs old and 6 months ago I moved to a college town where I knew no one because of a job I was offered. I have only made one true friend here who happened to be my roommate who I found on craigslist. Unfortunately they are leaving town for good this week because they've been here 3 years and said there are just not enough people our age here.

I met some other people that I would consider acquaintances, but they weren't really friends and most of them left town last week because final exams ended and this town revolves around the university. I have lots of friends in my hometown which is a 7 hour drive away, but I have a very good job here that I have to keep. Also I just bought a house here, so I'm stuck for awhile.

This is my first time in a new place not knowing anyone, and it is incredibly difficult to meet people and somehow find a place in their already established friend groups. Especially when the only real population here seems to be college students and older people with families. Not really any young professionals at all. Also, the youngest person at my job is 32 :cool: , and none of them are single or do anything outside of work except golf. I tried online meetups but events generally only get 2-5 people because of the general lack of population here. Even that dating site plentyoffish has less than 200 people in a 50 mile radius.

So I've pretty much resigned myself to making friends here. Even if I do make friends, they are bound to leave every summer/break and when they graduate. So here I am hoping to make new friends online to keep my company for the next couple of years. My job has positions in every city in the country, but said that I must stay in my first assignment for 3 years before I can apply for a transfer. :p

 
Gauche said:
Hey Ambitious,
You are ambitious anyway that's a good thing. You didn't say much about your reasons for having a hard time finding friends, but I can relate. I tend to have a few really close friends rather than many acquaintances, and I know how it feels when one of those few moves away/moves on. When you don't have many people in your life, the loss of one is debilitating. Hang in there, lean on us, and don't wish those 2-3 years to go by quickly, you'll never get them back, and you'll regret their passing later on. Get out there and do whatever it is that you like to do, even if you have to do it alone. The more people you meet, the better chance you'll have of meeting someone who is like you. Hang in there!

Gauche,
Your above post struck a bell in me.

I prefer close friends over acquaintances. This is partly why I'm struggling so much with loneliness right now. My best friend and I had a falling out at the end of January. Now I don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis and be silly with. We'd known each other for 17 years. We'd experienced a lot of similar things. And we had the same personality type (if you know about Myers-Briggs). Over the last few years we'd become "best friends".

The falling out came about after I left a women's group just 6 weeks prior. I went from having a bunch of gals to hang out with (some I really enjoyed) and a best friend I spoke to daily to nearly no interaction with a close (or even dear) friend.

It's been a real struggle. And it's seriously depressing.

Ambitious, sorry for "taking" over your thread.



 
Well, I'm continuing the takeover. I'm sorry too Ambitious...

I've read it somewhere that extroverts tend to prefer many superficial relationships or acquaintances, while introverts prefer fewer very close relationships. I definitely fall into the introvert category.

Friends are always telling me to get out and socialize more, but the thing is, I just really can't stand the vacuous chit chat that is the norm at most social functions. Also, I realize what a slim possibility there is that I'll meet someone I like because those people are all at home avoiding human contact. Unfortunately, there seems to be no forum for meeting people like me locally, we're all hiding in the woodwork, wishing we could find somebody to hang out with. Maybe I could go into business promoting parties for the socially gimped.



Kathy said:
Gauche said:
Hey Ambitious,
You are ambitious anyway that's a good thing. You didn't say much about your reasons for having a hard time finding friends, but I can relate. I tend to have a few really close friends rather than many acquaintances, and I know how it feels when one of those few moves away/moves on. When you don't have many people in your life, the loss of one is debilitating. Hang in there, lean on us, and don't wish those 2-3 years to go by quickly, you'll never get them back, and you'll regret their passing later on. Get out there and do whatever it is that you like to do, even if you have to do it alone. The more people you meet, the better chance you'll have of meeting someone who is like you. Hang in there!

Gauche,
Your above post struck a bell in me.

I prefer close friends over acquaintances. This is partly why I'm struggling so much with loneliness right now. My best friend and I had a falling out at the end of January. Now I don't have anyone to talk to on a daily basis and be silly with. We'd known each other for 17 years. We'd experienced a lot of similar things. And we had the same personality type (if you know about Myers-Briggs). Over the last few years we'd become "best friends".

The falling out came about after I left a women's group just 6 weeks prior. I went from having a bunch of gals to hang out with (some I really enjoyed) and a best friend I spoke to daily to nearly no interaction with a close (or even dear) friend.

It's been a real struggle. And it's seriously depressing.

Ambitious, sorry for "taking" over your thread.

 
Gauche said:
Well, I'm continuing the takeover. I'm sorry too Ambitious...

I've read it somewhere that extroverts tend to prefer many superficial relationships or acquaintances, while introverts prefer fewer very close relationships. I definitely fall into the introvert category.

Friends are always telling me to get out and socialize more, but the thing is, I just really can't stand the vacuous chit chat that is the norm at most social functions. Also, I realize what a slim possibility there is that I'll meet someone I like because those people are all at home avoiding human contact. Unfortunately, there seems to be no forum for meeting people like me locally, we're all hiding in the woodwork, wishing we could find somebody to hang out with. Maybe I could go into business promoting parties for the socially gimped.

Gauche,
I don't fit the "normal" of an extrovert. I hate crowds. But I do get my "energy" from being around other people or even just talking on the phone with someone that understands me (someone I can totally be myself with).

Have you checked out MeetUp.com. That's how I find people to socialize with. It's hit and miss. I finally formed my own group. We get together about once a week. It's not totally what I want, but it's better than nothing.

I'm not a fan of mindless chit chat either. I need my relationships to actually "mean" something. I'd rather be alone than be with people for just mindless chatter/gossip, etc.
 

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