My intro

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K

Kathy

Guest
Hi,

I'm new here.

I'm here because I'm lonely. (Duh)

I never know what to write for an intro on a new message board. All I know is my loneliness adds to my depression. Or does my depression cause me to feel lonely?

It just seems people in real life don't talk about their problems/issues. God forbid we seem less than perfect or flawed in some way. Or is that we are fear of judgement??? I know when I've been honest with my "friends" (in real life), the relationship tends to change. Do they think loneliness/depression is contagious???
 
I think if you can work out which comes first - the loneliness or the depression, it will help. At least then you'd know which one to focus on, right? As to the other matter, I think people never really know how to deal with someone when they're depressed and are scared that they'll make things worse. Does that make sense?

Anyway, Hi.
 
Hi there, I'm new here myself. Welcome aboard.

I know where you're coming from with the loneliness and depression. I'm sure it's different for everyone but for me it feels like a constant cycle - the first step was to actually acknowledge it. Only now can I begin to try to do something about it.

I think it's really sad if people change when you talk about things with them. If it was me, I would feel honoured that someone trusted me and felt they could open up to me.

I'm sure you can talk about things here - from what I've seen of this forum so far, it's a good place to come and there's lots of good support and advice available.
 
Kathy,
Firefly said:
I think it's really sad if people change when you talk about things with them.
If it was me, I would feel honoured that someone trusted me and felt they could open up to me.

And I couldn't agree more.

Best of luck to you.
 
I said:
I think if you can work out which comes first - the loneliness or the depression, it will help. At least then you'd know which one to focus on, right? As to the other matter, I think people never really know how to deal with someone when they're depressed and are scared that they'll make things worse. Does that make sense?

Anyway, Hi.

I can never tell which comes first. I think they hit about the same time.

I understand that some people don't know how to deal with others depression.

Hi!, back at you!

Firefly said:
Hi there, I'm new here myself. Welcome aboard.

I know where you're coming from with the loneliness and depression. I'm sure it's different for everyone but for me it feels like a constant cycle - the first step was to actually acknowledge it. Only now can I begin to try to do something about it.

I think it's really sad if people change when you talk about things with them. If it was me, I would feel honoured that someone trusted me and felt they could open up to me.

I'm sure you can talk about things here - from what I've seen of this forum so far, it's a good place to come and there's lots of good support and advice available.

Hi Firefly,
Thank you for the welcome. Welcome to you, too.

I acknowledge that I'm lonely and depressed or just depressed or just lonely. I'm seeing the counselor for the depression (and the loneliness - at least it's some one to "hang" with for an hour a week).

I'm like you. When someone takes me into their confidence, I feel honored.

 
Kathy said:
I said:
I think if you can work out which comes first - the loneliness or the depression, it will help. At least then you'd know which one to focus on, right? As to the other matter, I think people never really know how to deal with someone when they're depressed and are scared that they'll make things worse. Does that make sense?

Anyway, Hi.

I can never tell which comes first. I think they hit about the same time.

I understand that some people don't know how to deal with others depression.

Hi!, back at you!

I think loneliness can often be a symptom of depression so if they hit about the same time it's probably part and parcel of it, if you see what I mean. I'm glad you're going to a counselor for your depression. Hopefully they'll be able to help. Plus there's here.

You're not the only depressed person here and, so far, I haven't seen any evidence of anyone being kicked out for that so you should be ok. I hope that helps.
 
I said:
Kathy said:
I said:
I think if you can work out which comes first - the loneliness or the depression, it will help. At least then you'd know which one to focus on, right? As to the other matter, I think people never really know how to deal with someone when they're depressed and are scared that they'll make things worse. Does that make sense?

Anyway, Hi.

I can never tell which comes first. I think they hit about the same time.

I understand that some people don't know how to deal with others depression.

Hi!, back at you!

I think loneliness can often be a symptom of depression so if they hit about the same time it's probably part and parcel of it, if you see what I mean. I'm glad you're going to a counselor for your depression. Hopefully they'll be able to help. Plus there's here.

You're not the only depressed person here and, so far, I haven't seen any evidence of anyone being kicked out for that so you should be ok. I hope that helps.

Or I realize I'm lonely and then get depressed about it. ;)

I like your sig line.
 
Kathy said:
Hi,

I'm new here.

I'm here because I'm lonely. (Duh)

I never know what to write for an intro on a new message board. All I know is my loneliness adds to my depression. Or does my depression cause me to feel lonely?

It just seems people in real life don't talk about their problems/issues. God forbid we seem less than perfect or flawed in some way. Or is that we are fear of judgement??? I know when I've been honest with my "friends" (in real life), the relationship tends to change. Do they think loneliness/depression is contagious???

Hi Kathy,

It sounds like you feel very isolated and confused by the feelings you have.

Like you mentioned, some people are afraid of being judged if they do share their problems. If someone is depressed the last they want is to be ostracized for it. Well, if ever you need somebody to chat with feel free to send me a pm.
 
lone_drow said:
Kathy said:
Hi,

I'm new here.

I'm here because I'm lonely. (Duh)

I never know what to write for an intro on a new message board. All I know is my loneliness adds to my depression. Or does my depression cause me to feel lonely?

It just seems people in real life don't talk about their problems/issues. God forbid we seem less than perfect or flawed in some way. Or is that we are fear of judgement??? I know when I've been honest with my "friends" (in real life), the relationship tends to change. Do they think loneliness/depression is contagious???

Hi Kathy,

It sounds like you feel very isolated and confused by the feelings you have.

Like you mentioned, some people are afraid of being judged if they do share their problems. If someone is depressed the last they want is to be ostracized for it. Well, if ever you need somebody to chat with feel free to send me a pm.

Thank you for the chat offer.

I'm not so much confused by my feelings as I am annoyed to be depressed and lonely at my age. I expected to have my "life together" by this stage of the game.

There's been a lot of loss in the last 7 months.
 
Hi Kathy, thank you for replying to my intro. I know all too well how people are put off by my emotional openness. I'm surprised to hear that a female has the same difficulty. Men are not expected to have emotions, and my desire to have a close emotional relationship with women has consistently met with rejection. I like to think I'm more evolved than most. ;) Clearly, you are too. People are almost never as "human" as they think they are, why are those who are so wrapped up in their neuroses so socially successful? It's so frustrating!
 
Gauche said:
Hi Kathy, thank you for replying to my intro. I know all too well how people are put off by my emotional openness. I'm surprised to hear that a female has the same difficulty. Men are not expected to have emotions, and my desire to have a close emotional relationship with women has consistently met with rejection. I like to think I'm more evolved than most. ;) Clearly, you are too. People are almost never as "human" as they think they are, why are those who are so wrapped up in their neuroses so socially successful? It's so frustrating!

Hi,
You made me laugh. Thank you!

Women can be very mean. And for whatever reason, women aren't as open about what is going on with them as men think. Or at least the women I run into.

I hung out with a gal about 10 years younger than me and was surprised to find that she feels similar to me. "Please, share what is going on in your life, I may be going thru the same thing and we can help each other or at least know we're not alone." Or "just vent so you're not sitting in this alone".

I've found there is little to no compassion anymore with people. Most people seem so wrapped up in what is going on in their own world that they can't spare to tell you what time it is. I find that sad. We're all part of the human race and human experience, can't we help each other, be there for each other?

What I find strange/interesting is why are the mean women so popular and people like me, outgoing, fun loving, would give you my last dollar are looked upon as something very foreign. Life is just very frustrating right now.
 
Nice to hear that I made you laugh, that makes me feel better too.

I think for most, the problems of others are not a concern unless you're having the same problems. I think I'm better than most at caring for people around me, but I can understand the need to be an individual too. I think the culture in this country has a lot to do with it as well. Even our economic system is based of the success of the individual at the expense of the community, it's a sickness for which we need to find a cure.

I live alone in the countryside, I have a good number of friends, but they're all in relationships, and they don't have much time for socializing with a single guy. Like we've been talking about, I've tried to explain how awful I feel over being lonely to them and for the most part it just meets with a pat on the back. There, there, that's too bad, don't worry you'll find some friends. Some of them have been through similar times in their lives, some to the point of seeking psychological help (one of my closest friends never let on to me what a bad place he was in until years after, he went and sought help from the medical community, that is just sad to me), and yet now that things are peachy for them they have no interest in helping me. I shouldn't say they have no interest, but they simply don't want to be bothered/don't know what to do. I know how much I put people off with my talk about how I feel, but I can't keep it inside. I'm glad I have friends that have stuck with me through it, but I can tell how uncomfortable they are when I bring up the subject. I guess that's why the field of psychology originated, because many people can't be bothered to really help each other unless they're being paid to do so.


[/quote]


Hi,
You made me laugh. Thank you!

Women can be very mean. And for whatever reason, women aren't as open about what is going on with them as men think. Or at least the women I run into.

I hung out with a gal about 10 years younger than me and was surprised to find that she feels similar to me. "Please, share what is going on in your life, I may be going thru the same thing and we can help each other or at least know we're not alone." Or "just vent so you're not sitting in this alone".

I've found there is little to no compassion anymore with people. Most people seem so wrapped up in what is going on in their own world that they can't spare to tell you what time it is. I find that sad. We're all part of the human race and human experience, can't we help each other, be there for each other?

What I find strange/interesting is why are the mean women so popular and people like me, outgoing, fun loving, would give you my last dollar are looked upon as something very foreign. Life is just very frustrating right now.
[/quote]

 
Gauche,

I think you and I are both "Feelers" on the Myers-Briggs personality. We can completely and fully empathize with others.

On another message board, a gal PM'd me and said she was lonely. Having been lonely on and off thru out my life, I immediately called her. I know what lonely feels like and I know how horrible it can be.

Your friend that sought help, did so, in my opinion, because the majority of guys don't talk about their feelings. You are a rare exception. I practically have to beat my husband to get him to talk about his feelings. Which makes it hard for me to talk about my feelings with him. He's also not very receptive to hearing about my feelings. My daughter is the same way. Unless she has hurt feelings, she doesn't want to talk about feelings.
 
That's interesting, as someone who lives alone, I find it hard to understand how someone with family around them could possibly be lonesome. I guess it goes to show that what you think is making you lonely isn't necessarily the true reason. As they say, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence". Well, that's what they say here in Wisconsin anyhow....
 
Gauche,

My husband likes to play all his various games on Facebook and watch TV shows that bore me (as my shows bore him). He works hard at his job and need "chill" time in the evenings. (My daughter lives in another state.) I actually feel less lonely during the day, than at night. During the day I'm only home with the animals. But I chat with 2 internet friends, so it's different than when my husband is home.
 
Kathy said:
I said:
Kathy said:
I said:
I think if you can work out which comes first - the loneliness or the depression, it will help. At least then you'd know which one to focus on, right? As to the other matter, I think people never really know how to deal with someone when they're depressed and are scared that they'll make things worse. Does that make sense?

Anyway, Hi.

I can never tell which comes first. I think they hit about the same time.

I understand that some people don't know how to deal with others depression.

Hi!, back at you!

I think loneliness can often be a symptom of depression so if they hit about the same time it's probably part and parcel of it, if you see what I mean. I'm glad you're going to a counselor for your depression. Hopefully they'll be able to help. Plus there's here.

You're not the only depressed person here and, so far, I haven't seen any evidence of anyone being kicked out for that so you should be ok. I hope that helps.

Or I realize I'm lonely and then get depressed about it. ;)

I like your sig line.

That's not uncommon (the feeling depressed because you're lonely, not the liking my sig line - but thanks for that).

I see that you're married with a daughter. Me too (although mine actually lives with me - she's only 11). I know what you mean about your husband needing 'chill time' - mine does that too. It can be hard having people around you that you're supposed to be able to talk to, but can't for whatever reason. I hope you find that this site helps.

Good luck.
 
I'm Fine,

Thank you. I hope this site helps too.

My daughter is 25. I wish you luck on getting thru the teen years.
 

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