Is it normal not to want friends?

Title seems generic, but hear me out.
I have come very close to solving my social problem. Next step, in line with my revelation that it's all about a faulty self-perception, I am going to be outgoing even though it doesn't come to me naturally. In my perception I am not an outgoing guy, and therefore I don't become it.
But with that comes actively seeking out friends. But this doesn't come naturally to me at all. Because I actually don't want to.
Is this simply a sign that I haven't gotten used to it yet? Because it makes sense that perhaps the concept is so foreign to me that I have no emotional attachment to it.

The weird part is, I feel like I would totally want to make friends if I met more interesting people. Now, don't worry, I have beaten all possible arrogance and thoughts of superiority out of my head, but its interesting that this persists.


In short: I don't have any natural interest in making friends. Is this an issue of getting used to it?

If you're an introvert, you probably wouldn't be inclined to want to make friends. Introverts are OK with being alone.
I'm an extrovert and I need friends like I need air. But I'm having a problem finding people that can accept me as I am. I tone my personality way, way down to be around people. It's a strain and I don't really feel right about it. But if I want to be around people, this is what I've learned to do to be "accepted".
So part of me would rather just not be around people anymore. But that leads to loneliness and depression. I'm in a catch 22. Which I think is what you're saying also - you think you should make friends, but you really have no interest.

You may not have a natural interest in “seeking” out friends but you will continue to be lonely without them. You should also think about the sort of person you might become if you don’t gain and maintain social relationships.

When pensioners end up on their own and are no longer able to make friendships firstly their cognitive skills start toe become impaired and they seem to go one of two ways - arrogant and grumpy or withdrawn and depressed.

I don’t believe for a moment you don’t want any friends. I certainly believe it is unhealthy to not have any. Do you think its more the process of making friends and the things involved in maintaining friendships that you find hard?

making friends can be hard work and if its not something your naturaly good at it kinda sucks.

even if you could just walk up to someone poke em in the arm and say "hey you wanne be my friend ?" youd still have to put a lot of effort into getting to know them to see if you even like em enough to be friends with.
hard work if your not really a social person.
so totaly understandable your not jumping with exitement to start making friends.

making friends with someone that just doent seem that interesting to you could mean a lot of hard work waisted.
so your more likely to wait for someone thats seems like a perfect friend or a verry interesting person than just socialise with everyone you see.

i hate making friends but i love having them
and is does still takes some work keeping them.

Thanks for the replies.

Firstly, I would like to note that I am not lonely. I am alone, but I am not lonely. Otherwise I wouldn't start this thread.
About old people without friends deteriorating, I believe the social part is simply a symptom of not achieving happiness / their goals.

In terms of "making friends is hard work": I don't want to throw away the possibility that I am simply fearing the work that comes into it, but I have asked myself this question many times. It might be true, but then it is subconscious. I do not feel any longing when I see people hanging out. But again, it might just be a defense-mechanism. I can't say.
That's why I'm seeing what people chime in with

Some people are natural loners and do just fine without a bunch of friends. Unless you truly want friends, quit trying to make them. You'll just end up with people hanging around you that you don't like or need. There's nothing wrong with not wanting friends.

People seek out friends because they are lonely. If you're not lonely, then why seek out friends? You can meet a few acquaintances if you want to have a conversation once in a while, but don't force yourself to make friends and be someone you're not.

seems like your not sure if you really dont want or need to have friends or if something is holding you back.

you think you have to become someone your not in order to make friends, that can be a reason not to want any.
if the concept of friendship realy is foreign to you, seeing people hanging out might not do anything for you cause you dont know what it feels like.
and as always the fear of getting hurt or rejected could be it.
or maybe your just not ready for it yet.
or like said before, your happy the way things are and you just dont need any.

but getting used to not wanting friends sounds a little strange to me.
is it something you never really thought about before?
if you really didnt want to wouldnt you just be ok with it?
thats not a question to point anything out to you but realy something im asking myself aswel.

I'm different to most of my friends because i've been away overseas for years and they havent, so I'm far more international than they. However my point is that even if i havent seen someone for years and they might not remember me I still class them as friends but only if i left them before as a friend. So you still have friends it just sometimes feels they are not around.

Changing the subject Dating agencies in my eyes are the worst in creating lonliness so its far better if you meet an old friend from your past away from them dating agencies because many infact put a partner in front of you almost like an arranged date and guess what you wouldnt even know it. The best one I found was Christian Connection because there was a list of people you could phone sent in the post in your area or at least in the same district. I called a few but got busy or more to the point didnt care about been with someone, i was having a wonderful time been alone. You learn more alone anyway and when your done plan you future and the partner will be sound asleep beside you.

Catcher said:

Some people are natural loners and do just fine without a bunch of friends. Unless you truly want friends, quit trying to make them. You'll just end up with people hanging around you that you don't like or need. There's nothing wrong with not wanting friends.

People seek out friends because they are lonely. If you're not lonely, then why seek out friends? You can meet a few acquaintances if you want to have a conversation once in a while, but don't force yourself to make friends and be someone you're not.

Click to expand...

I agree with Catcher. The problem with our society is that people who have a lot of friends (even if they are actually really lonely despite it) are considered to be successful or are viewed in a positive light. And that kind of feedback from people around you can be demotivating. But at the end of the day, if you don't want to meet new people, then don't. Or if you're trying to meet a specific group of people who interest you, then you need to find ways to meet them. Like joining a book club or something.

Hope this helps =)

Making freinds or being socialable wasnt a natural thing for me either.
It's a skilled I accquired as a child becuase I moved around a bit before the age of 10.

Sometimes I enjoy time alone...away from my gf or people in general.
For me it's maintaining a balance.

I'm also a musician. I've spent many hours alone practicing my guitar. So to me being social is just like any other skill a person
can acquire...as in playing my guitar. I'm left handed but I play right handed. I also wirte with my right hand. When i first played my guitar
it was extreemly arkward..but now it's really simple for me..It's still a diminishing skill...so I'll still have to practice.

My GF has a very out going or social personally. Guys are always hitting up on her. So if you look at it in that way...just by the shear
volume of people wanting to talk to her,....by defualt or exposure,she accquired people skills.

When it comes to dating, being romantic or forming relationship. I veiw it in the same manner.

In other words...there's really isnt anything wrong with me or you...we all just have different skills in different areas.

Nothing wrong with being alone. If that's what a person wishes to do.

If a person was out going all the time...they would have a rough time
adjusting to living alone too. I went through that also.

So if you want to be socialable its just simply going through learning
curves. Your skills will improve as you go.

I think you should just push yourself out of your comfort zone a little, but not too much, so finding friends is more like an exciting side project than like a "job to do". You have many years to find friends and build friendships, so enjoy the process!

Perhaps a natural place to start is renewing contact with old friends - it can be something as simple as sending a thoughful e-mail asking what they have been up to in the past while, or arranging a phone call (these days some people don't like to be surprised on the phone by long-lost aquaintances...) When you make friends, you must project an aura of happiness (be relaxed, content, etc.), and be interested in their lives (but not intensely interested - that's creepy! ) Good luck!!!

It sounds to me as if you need to ask yourself why you do not want friends. Is it that other people displease you? Or is it that you fear they will not like you, accept you, or want you?

Many of us fear that we have nothing to offer, but that is never true. The greatest asset you have is intrinsic. It is not the kind of car you drive, or your occupation, and it is not anything to do with how handsome or pretty you are. Your asset is you. If you watch others, and see some that people gravitate to, ask yourself why this is so. Mostly, when you watch the interaction going on, you will see Mr. or Mrs. Popular is doing more listening than talking, and they listen with a very active ear. They hear - accurately - what the other person is saying, and this makes people feel good. All of us love that feeling that someone else genuinely cares about us. People who appear to reject other people will inevitably be shunned, and - sadly - the truth is the person who appears to be doing all the rejecting, fears rejection most of all.

There are people who are happy with their own company. I love to be alone. There I a can think, and dream, but I always come back to people. The friends I have are few, but this is not because I could not have more, rather, it is because I choose it to be so. I understand me, and I am okay with me. That is where we all need to be, okay with ourselves.

I feel the same way, sometimes I want someone to talk to and that's basically the main reason why I get to know people but I'd rather do things on my own. I end up having a lot of people to talk to but no close friends. I learned to live this way, not sure if it's a good thing tough

Some people just like to be more solitaire and it's nothing to think about , that's just the way you are. It's a way of being not a choice. Of course that is if you are a solitaire type of person. "The weird part is, I feel like I would totally want to make friends if I met more interesting people" maybe deep inside your just "bored" of the "normal" type of person and want to meet a different kind which is totally normal , that's what I want to.
Here where I live anywhere you look you will see people dressed the same who have the same attitude and so on like 90% of the time and it would be a breath of fresh air to see something new.

I've been going to a psychologist about it. Only one bout of 60 min so far, but going again thursday. From that one hour, the clues led towards that I had sealed off my empathy or connection with other people because it had been so hurt somewhere in my childhood that I had to build a shield around it. So I guess if that premonition is true, I just need to find my empathy and love for other people again, and try to act by it. Looking forward to my next session.

This doesn't mean that I have been an egotistical *******, not at all, but I have not felt connection and empathy on the short and strong term.

Talking to a psychologist definitely seems to help. Not for your own closure, but to find the cause that you couldn't possibly find yourself.