Is it too late for me? It sounds stupid but I have to get this all out

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Fvantom

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Due to a pretty coddled and sheltered upbringing, I basically ended up being the weird kid through my first 8 or so years of school, being brutally bullied combined with my parents (mainly my father) always telling me that things I was doing were stupid or I was "making a fool of myself", I lost pretty much all my self confidence.

Due to this, I never had friends growing up, hell, I couldnt even talk to anyone until I was 17, Im not kidding when I say the majority of my time from the ages of 10-16 was spent at home, watching TV, playing videogames, etc.

Im 20 now, and I feel like Ive lost my childhood, I never had friends in school, I was never able to hang out with anyone, and now I get really depressed when I think about these things.

Now my problem may seem insignificant compared to a lot of others, but I literally dont have anyone to talk to or hang out with, and that just amplifies every little problem I have to the point where something as small as seeing people having a good time eats away at me brutally

Ive been trying to little avail to fix my confidence/self esteem issues, but without having people who care, things are pretty hard
 
I can empathize with your situation, because I sort of went through a similar childhood. Being bullied, having few friends, being sheltered and I even had a speech impediment (I used to stutter) - which made life worse.

And its a very long story, about how I somehow got out and am quite content at 25. I know it seems impossible, but you CAN find that confidence someday. From being someone who was completely anti-social, I am now quite the opposite. Sure, high school bad experiences leave a scar inside that never goes away, and that affects people differently. Like for me, my issues from high school have affected my self confidence in regards to men, but I am doing quite well in every other aspect of life. With time, you get better at every aspect of your life.

I guess the goal is to look within yourself and without. Find yourself, who you are and don't feel the need to be someone else. Be who you are. Make a mark in this world as yourself. Learn to love things about yourself. Eventually your self confidence will grow and people will sense that and your environment might become more supportive. In a way, your bad experiences have made you special. You are probably more empathatic than others (like I've used this to go into the mental health/counselling field), and more compassionate and kind. These are qualities you have because of what you went through. =)

And also remember, that there are other people like you out there. I read a statistic somewhere that said 1 in every 4 people have low self esteem. As you grow, you become good at hiding it I guess and its a combination of faking it and at the same time embracing it. You don't want to go into denial and repress your emotions of course, but its a bit of both. At least, thats how it was for me.

I hope this helps. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat or just want a one-on-one convo with someone.
 
Thanks =] and yes, my experiences have made myself who I am so thats one bright side, everything I went through burnt pretty much all greed and materialism right out of me and I love that.

Whats really killing me though is that due to all this, I never had all the memories youre supposed to be making in middle school and high school, while everyone else was out having fun with their friends, I was alone



 
That's true. I actually used to be quite pissed about the very thing, and took it out on my parents. Its like you missed out on one of the biggest adventures of life. And when you look back, there's nothing that makes you smile. Or you have to really rack your brain to find one tiny memory.

I guess at the end of the day its about letting go, and trying to focus on the good memories more than the bad so eventually the bad just becomes too distant and fading a memory. And also living in the present. Perhaps your childhood couldn't be saved, but your 20's, 30's and so on can become great memories for the future =)

You sound wise and quite introspective, so you'll get there =)

 
I've had a similar upbringing. My self-esteem has been non-existent for most of my life. I missed out on those "memories" and "moments" you're supposed to have in school growing up too. But you can't let that hold you back.

Pining over something that may or may not have happened in your past just gets you stuck in the past. Focus on your future. Having people that care does help boost your self-esteem, but you have to be open to accepting that people actually do like you for you which is the only real obstacle when it comes to repairing self-esteem.

Believe that you're worth having decent friends and, when you find a good person or two, work on accepting that they might actually think you're awesome. It's not easy, but it's doable. It's never too late to build confidence in yourself.
 
Fvantom said:
Due to a pretty coddled and sheltered upbringing, I basically ended up being the weird kid through my first 8 or so years of school, being brutally bullied combined with my parents (mainly my father) always telling me that things I was doing were stupid or I was "making a fool of myself", I lost pretty much all my self confidence.

Due to this, I never had friends growing up, hell, I couldnt even talk to anyone until I was 17, Im not kidding when I say the majority of my time from the ages of 10-16 was spent at home, watching TV, playing videogames, etc.

Im 20 now, and I feel like Ive lost my childhood, I never had friends in school, I was never able to hang out with anyone, and now I get really depressed when I think about these things.

Now my problem may seem insignificant compared to a lot of others, but I literally dont have anyone to talk to or hang out with, and that just amplifies every little problem I have to the point where something as small as seeing people having a good time eats away at me brutally

Ive been trying to little avail to fix my confidence/self esteem issues, but without having people who care, things are pretty hard

I went through a similar experience. But I don’t think you problem is insignificant at all. I had no help and did not know how to fix my issues. I am 30 now and things only got worse for me leading to long term severe depression and social anxiety. When I was your age I felt like there was plenty of time to fix things but I’ll tell you what - the next 10 years will fly by (times speeds up as you age, what’s that about?).

You need to take steps to getting your life how you want it to be now. But I would also strongly suggest you get some counselling to deal with your past because that’s the killer. It sits at the back of your mind and festers unless you talk about it and get though those issues.

How are your friendships now? Do you have much close family if you don’t mind me asking?
 
I dont have any close family, and thats why Im so focused on finding good friends, Ive found a couple over the last few weeks but Im still not at the point where Im really close to any of them


@Catcher, Im starting to like myself but the issue is that I have a lot of trust problems, so many times during really bad spots, Ive had people pretend to like me or even go as far as pretending to be a good friend, all to turn around and screwing me over, so now even when someone says they like me or think Im cool, I cant trust that because its so easy to say.
 
I know how you feel. I have trust issues too. I love my friends but sometimes, when I'm feeling bad, I keep them at arms length because I'm worried they'll leave me or find some reasons to dislike me or turn out to be selfish jerks. I can usually snap myself out of it or they will snap me out of it by seeking me out when i get in my antisocial moods.

It's hard to trust and it's hard to know who's truly in your corner until the chips are down and you need them the most. Sadly, you'll find a lot of people will leave you hanging. But that's also when you find who your true friends are and it makes you appreciate them all the more.

There's a lot of risk to find good people, but it's worth the trouble. You're worth the trouble.
 

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