Why is it so hard????

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lonelyheartsxx

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I really don't get it and I hate myself for it.....why is it so hard to find a good, true friend?? Someone that will love u no matter what & will be there for u whenever. Who gives a sh*it that I can't hear perfectly?! I'm a nice girl who cares about others & I'm a good listnener if ppl would take the time to realize it! I'm quiet & shy, but I just need a true friend & someone who really cares.....all my "friends", especially lately, seem to be too busy for me....it's always hard to tell if someone really likes me or not. I have a really self esteem, and I believe I might have "socialphobia". I hate being lonely like this soo much....I just want a real friend!! I miss Jenni :-'(
 
Yeah I know the feeling of not knowing whether they really bother about you or not. I have had many fallouts with many good friends, and only a few of those friendships are still on today. I feel alot like how you're feeling when I was your age, seriously! I think it's something we all go through at some point in time, wanting to be loved and cared for by other people, especially a true great friend. I still yearn that, btw. But not by friends, if you know what I mean lol..this single life is killing me softly..

Umm, I don't really have good advice working in my head now, lol, but yes, true friends are hard to find, and when you do, treasure it and argue cos it's healthy to do so I think. Those friendships where I didn't have arguments with, never got through. Those I had serious arguments with, and piss offs, they seem to work. Lol..that's just for me though.

I'm rambling again! Sorry.. hehehehe :D
 
What happened to Jenni. Loss and the grieving that comes with it can be difficult, i think that talking to others is good during times like that is a good thing. But you will still cry and so on, it's natural and healthy (they say). What happened to Jenni though. Also not everyone will judge you on stuff like not being able to hear well.. i think you will find that the friends you make me even turn out to be more genuine than average folk..that is once you keep being yourself and you yourself are genuine....
 
jales said:
What happened to Jenni. Loss and the grieving that comes with it can be difficult, i think that talking to others is good during times like that is a good thing. But you will still cry and so on, it's natural and healthy (they say). What happened to Jenni though. Also not everyone will judge you on stuff like not being able to hear well.. i think you will find that the friends you make me even turn out to be more genuine than average folk..that is once you keep being yourself and you yourself are genuine....

It's a really long story, but I lost her through this unfair situation.....her boyfriend, who i really liked, started flirting with me (we were texting) & i kinda flirted back, and Jenni found out (actually her bf told her I was flirting).....to make a long story short, she chose her bf over me even though it's his fault that we're not friends anymore. I just really miss her bc she was one of my best friends & we did everything together & told each other everything.....I feel like a part of me is missing :(
 
I've known a lot of people who's friendships ended because of a scenario like this! The moral of the story is we live and learn. when I was in my early twenties I lost a good friend of mine over this. His girl came onto me at a party one night and me being silly and drunk, didnt fend her off and went along with it. I ended up hurting my buddy and losing one of the best friends I ever had. But let me tell you something else a little secret about guys you may not know already. Often when a guy gets into a relationship with a girl he really likes, he will sometimes feel threatened by her friends and often not want to share her attention and affections with others. Due to this a lot of immature guys will flirt with their girlfriends pals in order to inspire jealousy and lead their girlfriends mates on in order to create resentment between their girlfriend and her friend, and often gets rid of the girlfriends friend. So watch out for this, some guys are real snakes, dont be fooled.
Despite all this it's also still important to own your part in the situation and think about how you would feel about your friend if she were to flirt with your boyfriend! trust is everything in friendship and once you break it, it takes a massive amount dedication to win that trust back, but it can be done. If you really value this friend of yours don't give up on her, go to what ever measures you have to, to show her she can trust you and that you are sorry. Then from then on, never let any guy come along and flirt or trick you into doing something that might come between you and your gal pals.

wishing you well
Richard
 
abundant_world said:
But let me tell you something else a little secret about guys you may not know already. Often when a guy gets into a relationship with a girl he really likes, he will sometimes feel threatened by her friends and often not want to share her attention and affections with others. Due to this a lot of immature guys will flirt with their girlfriends pals in order to inspire jealousy and lead their girlfriends mates on in order to create resentment between their girlfriend and her friend, and often gets rid of the girlfriends friend. So watch out for this, some guys are real snakes, dont be fooled.

Nice advice there, but seriously guys do this? Getting rid of their gf's friends :rolleyes:
The guy better be a good woman too if he's really set on doing that cos girls still need their girlfriends to talk (well most of them) about certain stuff :D
 
{Nice advice there, but seriously guys do this? Getting rid of their gf's friends}

Hi there! No not all guys do this, but there are definitely alot out there who do! And yes it's important for a female to have her girl pals to talk to, that's often why guys feel insecure about their girlfriends, friends. They know that she confides in her friends and that they have a big influence in her life. Along with that a lot of dudes don't like to share their girlfriends time and energy with other people! This is pretty sad, but it happens
p.s not all guys are like this, but hey if one of your friends boyfriends flirts with you in any way, make sure you don't get swept away by the attention and instead try to think 3 steps ahead of him 'like a chess player does'. Be smart and ask yourself the unasked questions instead of taking every thing that happens at face value and you'll be fine...

Richard
 
Abundant World, THANK YOU for sharing that. It makes a lot of sense. I had a similar thing happen--I hooked my friend up with a jealous, controlling guy. (Didn't realize he was that way at first, of course!) He TOTALLY poisoned her mind against me. So she never forgave me for the kind of stuff that THIS GUY was doing!
 
Cruel isn't it, it all comes from a real insecurity in these people that do this, and I reckon both women and men are guilty of this.
My boyfriend is very sceptical if I'm starting to make friends with a guy, he reckons most just want down my pants or cause other trouble, I reckon he's right. I don't think he has a problem about female friends, he doesen't want me to be lonely and often introduces me to females he thinks I might get along with. My boyfriend is also quite lonely himself, can't deal with alot of the culture and how people act socially here in Norway, and I understand, people always seem to play some game here instead of just being genuine, it's like they never grew up from high school.

Anyway Lonelyheart I have the same exact problem that you have, so I'm afraid I don't have any real advice, I feel like I've tried everything but nothing works. I can't be bothered thinking there is something wrong with me anymore, and I kind of settled with the hope that a good friendship will come one day.
 
NewBirth said:
women do these things 2. the point is... unhealthy ppl r unhealthy ppl

Yep women do these things to and it's not gender specific but, this thread is for a young women!

young women tend to not always see the under currents of the incidents that occur in their life and are often manipulated by guy's who no how to play the game! But this doesn't mean that all guys are mischief, it just means that a female is best to suss a guy out before being lead in any way, anywhere, by him!
 
abundant_world said:
young women tend to not always see the under currents of the incidents that occur in their life and are often manipulated by guy's who no how to play the game!
same goes 4 young men in reverse :)
 
lonelyheart, yea you have to becareful about getting to close to the boyfriends of your friends.. my little sister and her bestfriend have fought several times over the very same thing.. n even though they work it out, it always comes up again and again, leading to a relationship with lots of quarreling (but they enjoy quarreling so that's diff.). Point is becareful, you will be okay though, and you will make more friends.. I'm sure of it.

the rest of this thread reminds me of my parents though.. cept my dad is more or less like 'I don't like you having friends, you'll spend the whole day chatting. lawsh you could chat' to my mom.. he doesn't try anything deceptive just says 'u don't need friends you have me to take care of' lol.. quite funny really!
 

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