Cathedral
Well-known member
After years of depression, nothing seems to change. Negative emotions like sadness, anger, hate, hopelessness, self-pity, etc. most of the time, with just bits of happiness sometimes. I'm not in the best of circumstances right now, with no car, no license, no one to teach me how to drive, no friends (apart from a few online), no social skills, no family. I have hardly any interest in anything.
I was abused and neglected by my biological parents until I was 17, until I physically attacked my mother in public, arrested, put into a foster home, and then on my own at the age of 18. How can this world do that to someone with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD? My childhood just wasted, because no one was there to help me or teach me any better. Just lie to me and manipulate me some more!
I'm 19, going on 20, I've been through 4 semester of community college, with mixed results each time. It seems like my mind has just GIVEN UP. It's just going to be a long and torturous wait for my healthy, if not obese body to catch up.
And I'm afraid that I may be narcissistic. I despise that trait. I want any kind of attention be pointed towards me a lot. I try to hide that IRL, but online... if I try to hide it, it's just going to kill me.
My biological father is a heathen. Don't want to do anything and don't want anything. I'm becoming like that as well.
The real reason I'm posting this is because I want some attention. I'm going to be honest about that. Because that's what everyone online is saying, that I'm an emo, I'm an attention whore, I should stop whining and all that. Nothing you can say will help me. Just to make me a bit more comfortable while my mental health is just... I don't know...
Next week, I have an appointment at the mental health clinic. I'm going to request that they put me into inpatient treatment because I don't think I can fight off all of my mental problems on my own.
I want to be happy. I want to be motivated. But all of this negativity just holds me down, binding me to the ground, and I'm too timid to scream. And it seems like there's no real help for me out there.
I was abused and neglected by my biological parents until I was 17, until I physically attacked my mother in public, arrested, put into a foster home, and then on my own at the age of 18. How can this world do that to someone with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD? My childhood just wasted, because no one was there to help me or teach me any better. Just lie to me and manipulate me some more!
I'm 19, going on 20, I've been through 4 semester of community college, with mixed results each time. It seems like my mind has just GIVEN UP. It's just going to be a long and torturous wait for my healthy, if not obese body to catch up.
And I'm afraid that I may be narcissistic. I despise that trait. I want any kind of attention be pointed towards me a lot. I try to hide that IRL, but online... if I try to hide it, it's just going to kill me.
My biological father is a heathen. Don't want to do anything and don't want anything. I'm becoming like that as well.
The real reason I'm posting this is because I want some attention. I'm going to be honest about that. Because that's what everyone online is saying, that I'm an emo, I'm an attention whore, I should stop whining and all that. Nothing you can say will help me. Just to make me a bit more comfortable while my mental health is just... I don't know...
Next week, I have an appointment at the mental health clinic. I'm going to request that they put me into inpatient treatment because I don't think I can fight off all of my mental problems on my own.
I want to be happy. I want to be motivated. But all of this negativity just holds me down, binding me to the ground, and I'm too timid to scream. And it seems like there's no real help for me out there.