I feel almost nothing but negative emotions.

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Cathedral

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After years of depression, nothing seems to change. Negative emotions like sadness, anger, hate, hopelessness, self-pity, etc. most of the time, with just bits of happiness sometimes. I'm not in the best of circumstances right now, with no car, no license, no one to teach me how to drive, no friends (apart from a few online), no social skills, no family. I have hardly any interest in anything.

I was abused and neglected by my biological parents until I was 17, until I physically attacked my mother in public, arrested, put into a foster home, and then on my own at the age of 18. How can this world do that to someone with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD? My childhood just wasted, because no one was there to help me or teach me any better. Just lie to me and manipulate me some more!

I'm 19, going on 20, I've been through 4 semester of community college, with mixed results each time. It seems like my mind has just GIVEN UP. It's just going to be a long and torturous wait for my healthy, if not obese body to catch up.

And I'm afraid that I may be narcissistic. I despise that trait. I want any kind of attention be pointed towards me a lot. I try to hide that IRL, but online... if I try to hide it, it's just going to kill me.

My biological father is a heathen. Don't want to do anything and don't want anything. I'm becoming like that as well.

The real reason I'm posting this is because I want some attention. I'm going to be honest about that. Because that's what everyone online is saying, that I'm an emo, I'm an attention whore, I should stop whining and all that. Nothing you can say will help me. Just to make me a bit more comfortable while my mental health is just... I don't know...

Next week, I have an appointment at the mental health clinic. I'm going to request that they put me into inpatient treatment because I don't think I can fight off all of my mental problems on my own.

I want to be happy. I want to be motivated. But all of this negativity just holds me down, binding me to the ground, and I'm too timid to scream. And it seems like there's no real help for me out there.
 
Most people want attention, it's normal. That doesn't make you narcissistic. What makes you think you are? Because some people have said so? The thing is, aren't narcissistic people usually convinced of their own self-worth? Only it doesn't sound like you are so I'd say, whatever you are, it's isn't narcissistic. Does that make sense?
 
*hugs cathedral*

I'm sorry that your life turned out the way it did,

i wish i could believe that there were some kind of omnipotent justice in this world, but now i just believe that the world just is as it is,
and its hard for a lot of people

that's good that you're going to get some help, that should be good, I saw a therapist for most of my life, and for a long time i didn't like it becuase i had to go, but it got better in college,

a while back i told him about a similar problem, that between bad weather and hormones it seemed like i was always depressed and always would be, but he said my mind is still growing and still changing, and i wouldn't feel like that forever and so far so good, i've been feeling better since then :)

and you're still growing as a person too, your life isn't set in stone

and don't worry about being narsasitic, this where you're suppose to talk about yourself and your problems, and we all want attention

 
I really hope the clinic can help you.
Try to remember things, things that happened as a kid, and don't step back if it hurts, stay with it. Try to remind yourself that you exist, I mean really exist and that YOU ARE HERE, because everyone forgets this fundamental concept/feeling(picture the universe and you being part of it, part of what's going on, part of HERE and NOW). Every once ina while ask yourself "What am I doing at the moment?"
Try to let go of things, try to not be obssesive. Give yourself a break and treat yourself nicely ,because IF you be mean to HIM one more time I'll...... :D
These may seem like silly things that won't help but they do and its what has helped me get out of that stinky ******* pit. Peace and LOVE :)
 
Cathedral said:
I was abused and neglected by my biological parents until I was 17, until I physically attacked my mother in public, arrested, put into a foster home, and then on my own at the age of 18. How can this world do that to someone with Asperger's Syndrome

Hey Cathedral, I was abused and neglected as a child, left alone in my room until school the next day, kicked in the stomach, that sort of thing, Childrens Home was paradise to me.

Anyway, I went through a phase of considering I was an Aspie, I showed much of the symptoms of somebody with Aspergers, but not all.

I am now of the view, and I have seen it expressed elsewhere, that neglected children have areas of the brain that do not develop the same as "normal" children, I wonder if these are the same areas that are under and over developed in Asperger Children so that we have the same symptoms, but that are brought about by a different cause.

Meaning that, you can be born with Aspergers, or you can suffer the same symtoms due to neglect and abuse.
What do you think?

 
I'm sorry to hear about your problems

I've got mental health problems too, I see a support worker atm

Try to take things one at a time. I'm here if you want to chat, PM me

Hope things start to work out soon
 

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