I need to break someone's heart.

Hi everybody, I'm starting my first thread here.

There is this girl, I know she is lonely since she told me that herself, she likes me. I mean, she really ******* likes me. But I just don't like her in a way that I could start a relationship with her. I know she has a lot of problems in her live that are really serious.

And then there is me, I'm lonely as hell. I'm 19 years old and I've never had a girlfriend before. To be honest the urge to just get laid is pretty big. But I'm not the kind of guy to "use" girls as an item. And I just can't break her heart. It is really hard for me to just say "no". So how do I tell this girl I don't want to go any further?

Why don't you think you could give this time to see if it has potential? Why so immediately not interested?

I agree with jjam, maybe you will find that like as the relationship progresses.

If there really is no spark for you, then there is no point stringing the girl along.

Yes you might have a change of heart but what if you don’t? You are left with a very awaked situation then, as she is going to be even more in love with you.

You just need to sit her down in private and tell her how you feel, just say that you don’t feel the same way about her and it would not be fair on her to start a relationship.

That’s what I would do, she might feel down for a few days but it will be 10 times worse if you start dating and feel the same way.

I agree with Lonely Ghost. Just be open and honest with her. The hurt of feeling used will be far worse for her than the temporary pain the truth with bring. You never know, she may respect you more as a friend afterward. Once the awkwardness of the relationship is over, you can both concentrate on being very good friends. And in a lonely world, that is far greater than having a temporary "lover".

I agree with Lonely Ghost. She might feel bitter for awhile and would ask for some time apart, she might say she can't be your friend anymore and you don't have a choice but to respect her grieving. But after awhile, she will get over it and you would have a real chance of being purely friends. If you see her as friends then there's no point of trying a relationship or starting one with such a weak ground. Most likely than not, you will hurt her more and worse, you'd be doing it consciously. Be honest with yourself, with how you feel, and she will understand, maybe not while she is hurting but she will eventually.

But on the other hand, if you choose to be friends with her and later on develop romantic feelings, that's another story. But a consequence you must face for choosing to be honest.

Anyway, goodluck

Plectrum said:

And then there is me, I'm lonely as hell. I'm 19 years old and I've never had a girlfriend before. To be honest the urge to just get laid is pretty big. But I'm not the kind of guy to "use" girls as an item. And I just can't break her heart. It is really hard for me to just say "no". So how do I tell this girl I don't want to go any further?

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You're doing the right thing. Most women will respect you for not getting with someone just because you want sex and think you can get it.

If she asks you out straight, then you're going to have to say no--but also that you still want to be friends. Until then you should just keep being friends with her and make sure you're not giving her any signals or leading her on in any way.

Aw man what if she turns into a smoking hottie later on? Well just tell her you're only looking for a NSA cuddlebuddy because you won't have time for a real relationship. That would take care of the physical aspect of being lonely but feelings and attachment might occur from that.


Also what if you got her pregnant?

Say no, be blunt. Doesn't matter if you come off as a jerk. Don't give her the impression that you'll change your mind. Don't keep her on your hook. You need to be cruel to be kind.

I'm of two opposing schools of thought on this issue:

A.) If you REALLY can't see yourself putting up with her as a partner for any length fo time...then you should be honest with her, let her down lightly, don't be a jerk, but just tell her you aren't interested. Maybe you can become friends and help her find a nice guy, who knows. But if you get into a relationship just for the sake of loneliness and sex, odds are it's gonna be one-sided and hurtful.

B.) If you think there's a shred of a chance you could have even a short relationship with her, then I say give it a try. You're 19. Odds are, no relationship you get into at your age going to last. You have to be in some relationships in order to learn, in my opinion. And so does she! She want's to love someone. She wants to learn. If it's not you, it's gonna be somebody else.

You can't go around using people. But you also can't go around denying people of your company cause you're afraid you might hurt them. She wants to play ball, then play ball! Pain and heartache are a part of life. Mad respect to you for looking out for her feelings, but if she wants you, and you've got no other pressing reason why you can't be with her, I say give it a try. Just be as honest as possible the whole way through.

Whatever you do just be sure you've really thought about it. It's respectable that at 19 you look at girls more than just sex objects. Be sure you don't have feelings for her, you don't want to look back and think of what could have been. And if you really truly don't have any feelings for her beyond just being friends, then do what everyone else has said, tell her.

Does she think you have feelings for her because of your friendship right now? It's way better to be honest about your feelings than to break her heart even worse later on.