I Think of You (poem)

Here is a poem from my book Under Construction, published 2005. Just sharing, but comments and critiques are always welcome.

I Think Of You

I walk through the annals in the caves of my mind,
As a breeze flicks a tuft of my hair.
It smells of the memories I've gone there to find,
Those I tenderly stored away there.

I wander the halls where those memories were left,
And the breeze whispers into my ear.
It beckons me deeper 'mid cavern and cleft
Where it dances the echoes I hear.

I search through the chambers 'mid cobwebs and dust,
As my longing incites me to do.
And I peer 'neath the layers of loving and lust,
Then I smile for there, I find you.

I flip through the pages where months become years,
And relish the days I replay.
Then tenderly refile the laughter and tears
For the next time that I pass this way.

The rhythm and rhyme work perfectly in this poem. As I read it, I found myself starting to read it aloud and get lost in its warm and genuine emotions. This could have easily become an overly sentimental poem, but you restrain it just enough to prevent that. Removing some of the syllables with apostrophes really helped the flow (now that I think about it, I think there were some words in your poem Betrayed that added an extra syllable to some lines). The imagery of you wandering your mind and reminiscing about this person is a very universal feeling that you manage to make personal at the same time. Little touches like the breeze flicking a tuft of hair and the whispering breeze give the poem an endearing charm. I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing!

Thanks so much for your lovely response to my poem. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I am sorry I didnt' respond to your thread when you first posted it. I am really into poetry and have written quite a bit just to express myself, not professionally as you have.

I really love your poem. It tells a heartwarming but slightly heartbreaking story. Your emotions add a very special touch to it. The verses, although they dont' have to be, are, also, perfectly put together. Kudos!

Thanks WishingWell, I really appreciate your feedback. This poem is quite dear to me for the emotions expressed. Do you have any of your poems posted here? I would love to read some of yours.

RavenQuill, you are so kind in always answering the posts of people complimenting your poetry. I have given you a point on your reputation--partly becasue of this, but it doesn't seem to be showing up...maybe it's too soon--I know I did it right.

As far as my poems, they are not professional at all. I had posted some way back when, and don't remember which ones, and since I really didn't get any feedback, I would only send them to you through a Private Message. If that is okay, please let me know. If it is not--I am not easily offended--so just say so!

You are so sweet. Thank you for the reputation point; I have received it. As for your poems - I don't know what a "professional" poem is. I think I understand what you mean. But ALL poems have a life of their own, and speak to people in different ways. I don't like every poem I write, so I don't expect others to. All we poets can do is breathe life into our work, then put them out into the universe, and hope they connect with hearts that can identify with them. I would be honoured if you were to send me some of your work in a private message.