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Caged Bird

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Jun 2, 2011
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Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm looking foward to get some advices.

First of all, I must tell you that I am here not bec I entirely feel lonely. I have the love of my life but we can't be together since he is in america and I am in germany. I live on my own right now, and that is somehow lonely. However, the reason why I am here is because I am currently forced to go back to the life I had once. And if I give in it will be the end of me. Because I rather die to go back to the cage. And I mean die emotionally and not physically.

You see the thing is my mother had raised me with my sisters almost on her own. And now she seems to ask everything in return. She doesnt want me to marry the guy I love, she doesnt let me live where I want to and she surely is NOT giving me the right to live how I wish to be. She wants me to graduate, go back to home, (I come from a country somewhere in Asia, sorry cant tell from where) marry a local guy there, taking care of my sisters, and be active in my religion. The more she pushes me, the more I want to struggle. But the more I struggle the more she makes me feel guilty and pity her, she keeps telling me how hard her life was raising me, how she loves me unconditionally, how much I will suffer if I marry that one guy I love, how much she will suffer if I do just what I want to. And it really makes me sick. I always have felt guilty to be born, and that I have no values in me whatsoever. My boyfriend has changed me, he show me what Im capable of, what rights I have, and I realized so much what I have missed. My life is really similiar to the Rapunzel story, only difference is I wasnt caged in a tower but in a big house and most of all in my own world.

To make it short, I want to be free but my mother is not giving me the right for it. And I have been manipulated too long to get the strenght for it. But I'm slowly thinking about getting my rights. Please give me some advices. I will really appreciate it, thanks. (Sorry for my english btw)
 
Caged Bird said:
Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm looking foward to get some advices.

First of all, I must tell you that I am here not bec I entirely feel lonely. I have the love of my life but we can't be together since he is in america and I am in germany. I live on my own right now, and that is somehow lonely. However, the reason why I am here is because I am currently forced to go back to the life I had once. And if I give in it will be the end of me. Because I rather die to go back to the cage. And I mean die emotionally and not physically.

You see the thing is my mother had raised me with my sisters almost on her own. And now she seems to ask everything in return. She doesnt want me to marry the guy I love, she doesnt let me live where I want to and she surely is NOT giving me the right to live how I wish to be. She wants me to graduate, go back to home, (I come from a country somewhere in Asia, sorry cant tell from where) marry a local guy there, taking care of my sisters, and be active in my religion. The more she pushes me, the more I want to struggle. But the more I struggle the more she makes me feel guilty and pity her, she keeps telling me how hard her life was raising me, how she loves me unconditionally, how much I will suffer if I marry that one guy I love, how much she will suffer if I do just what I want to. And it really makes me sick. I always have felt guilty to be born, and that I have no values in me whatsoever. My boyfriend has changed me, he show me what Im capable of, what rights I have, and I realized so much what I have missed. My life is really similiar to the Rapunzel story, only difference is I wasnt caged in a tower but in a big house and most of all in my own world.

To make it short, I want to be free but my mother is not giving me the right for it. And I have been manipulated too long to get the strenght for it. But I'm slowly thinking about getting my rights. Please give me some advices. I will really appreciate it, thanks. (Sorry for my english btw)


you are going to marry a foreign guy are you? good you have found some who can make you happy as you said but think twice if that makes a living hell out of you. That may lead into more problems and your mother just try not to make her disappointed in you. She went through lot of troubles raising you may be she never had a her own life to enjoy. So think about pros and cons give it a lil time. If ur not soo unlucky you will figure out something soon.
BDW i love the quotation "Damaged people are dangerous, they know how to survive."
This makes me proud of myself im damaged everywhere.
 
I saw that you only logged in once, the day you joined this forum. So chances are you'll never get to read this message.
But anyway I just want to tell you that I can relate you in so many ways. Your mother sounds exactly like mine. Mine is a passive manipulative person. She gave out all her bests for me and my siblings, made us the centers of her world and was basically the perfect mother. But in return, she expects us to excel, to be obedient, and to make her proud. It is a heavy burden.
I too am an Asian from an upper middle class family, so I know what you mean about living like rapunzel. I, too have once fallen for a man whom my parents thought weren't good enough, weren't financially well off enough for me. But unlike you, I didn't have the guts to fight for him. After weeks and months of guilt trips and punishments they imposed on me (reading the bible from front to back for dozens of times, taking away my communications to the outside world, taking away my freedom, however limited it was, taking away my privacy), I just gave up.
Years later I married the man of their dreams and have 2 children by him. But I just can't seem to be happy. I am very very lonely.
So I just want to tell you how brave you are and how I wish I had your courage.
 

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