I love killing what little esteem I have

So I am part of another social website. I think I go there just to kill my self-esteem. I mask myself as best as I can... but... it is hard to avoid. I do not know... when you post a thread in the "Who wants to have sex with me" sub forum and you get no replies... it is a great way to hurt. Especially when several other guys have 30 or 40 responses in theirs. Really that place is about sharing stories.

I like killing myself esteem there because people are much eviler and blunt there. I tell a story and am often times met with "Stop whining and get over it". It is nice to know I am pathetic.

I think I am killing my self-esteem now. Hmm... I mean I am being whiny and pathetic. I guess that is just my natural reaction though. Some days it is harder to lie to yourself than others. Then again I wonder why I come to forums similar to this one. The past haunts me... it hurts...

Sorry I am just rambling. I guess since I avoid society so much I can only turn to the net for validation on what I know to be true.

I've joined other "social websites/ forums" before, and the people tend to be rude brats.

You're awesome okay.

I found that sometimes I'll just go and look for a reason to be miserable.
I guess we're familiar with what were comfortable with.
If you've been feeling really honeysuckle about yourself, sometimes trying to "think outside the box" kind of blows your mind.
Even if people compliment me, sometimes I'll try to turn it into a negative to reinforce my self-hatred.
It can be worked on though - you gotta keep working on it.

There's enough bullies out there already. You don't need to bully yourself either.

@Luna: Thanks hun, but I find that people do not even know I am there if I do not post. I also know I am asking for it.

0.o do you mean think outside of the box?

Maybe it's your way of dwelling in the negative. I know I do that sometimes.

I'm not really certain why you would do this. Why not go out to a bar or library and get rejected by some girls/guys? That way you feel as equally shitty about yourself with at least a chance of getting something positive out of it (maybe they won't reject you?).

@Ghost Boy: Yeah I guess that is one way of looking at it.... I guess I need to figure out now to stop dwelling in the past.

@Stride: NICE XD, That is all I can really say. Nice, you make a valid point though. I am still working up the courage to actually go out to a bar though and get rejected. ^_^; I have gone out... but I tend to panic and just be quiet....

Go to a bar and being rejected is the funniest thing out there (at least to me). But If you wanna have sex or something, you should read this book: The Mystery Method, It teachs you how to get hot chiks, lol xDD (It's a very good book)

Don't put down yourself, live on!! and Good luck!

You have to take a lot of stuff on the Internet with a pinch of salt.

Everyone acts braver and more brighter than they are in real life.

Don't take the bullies seriously, you're doing okay.

@PurpleDays: That is precisely why I come to the net. Plenty of people have no problem crushing your soul, and being honest.

@Billy Spleen: I actually cracked open the follow up to that book Magic Bullets last night. Funny you should mention that. . Be careful mentioning it too much them is blasphemous words

Hahaha, good luck then! here (Argentina) there's no game and no competition, guys are slow and annoying u.u

From what I've seen, many forums have this problem, that is true, but that simply boils down to having common sense NOT to post certain things on certain forums where you're pretty much guaranteed to get negative response. Unless, of course, it is exactly what you're aiming for.

But "Who wants to have sex me"? Really? Unless that thread was made purely as a joke and presented as such, that is a marvellous way to come off as helluva creepy, you know. Just saying.

This online community has a far more diverse group than here. Ranging from one end of the spectrum to another. Most use those kinds of threads to get quick hook ups.

I honestly think I'm addicted to being depressed. Seriously. It FEELS good. Something about the aching chest and this knot at the base of my skull, I enjoy it all. If I can make myself cry, I just had a good day. I tried to look up people who deliberately make themselves feel bad, but I keep getting the feeling that I phrased it wrong. The shrinks say we are self destructive in this manner because we seek control over our lives. If we are the reason that we are depressed that we can say that we have mastered our feelings or some such crap. I don't know if this relates to your digital masochism, but I guess that means some people only emotionally cut themselves.

No what you said makes sense. In many ways I think I am like you. I am just trying to break the habit.