Hello. I am a woman, living in a country in southeast asia. (i dont know why i cant tell the name now, maybe later) birthday is 08/02/86. english is my 2nd language so im sorry if i will often make grammar mistakes -_-
so about me....
back then in college i was actually an outgoing person and love seeing new people, but since i got older i gradually turn into a loner, not that i like it, its just that i cant imagine myself being another kind of person. yes, its a lonely life.
i am a sensitive and shy person and because of that i tend to overreact (inwardly) in interactions. I get embarrassed so very easily. when i was outgoing, i try to be the clown to cover the embarrassment, but later i dont enjoy it anymore, i found my inner voice refusing this role. this isnt who i am.
since i was a little girl, i've been developing a habit:
i often hesitate talking to people, even when the words are on the tip of my tongue. so instead, i simulate the conversation in my mind (results in nothing, obviously) time moves on, and the simulation turns verbal. i started the habit of talking (literally) alone. to describe it, its like im practicing an act for theater. i often do this when i am alone in a room. i still talk to people, but i do the talking alone a lot. especially now, since im living a lonely life.
that is a bad habit, i know. why i'm doing that? i am afraid of consequences in human interactions. i am scared of the endless probability of responses, so i'd rather avoid real encounters. other reason is that i do it when i wish to talk to someone that seems impossible to approach. (like someone i observe only from far away or some famous people i adore but couldn't meet)
eventually, i'm craving for a real response, from real person. and yet, i still hesitate. i still shy away. i'm still avoiding unpredictable responses.
this is why i become a loner and gets a lonely life. even as im telling you guys about it right now, i am fearing the probability that you might get scared and tell me to go to a psychiatrist instead.
so maybe to start coping the loneliness the healthier way, im joining this forum. at least im talking to real people, though on the net. i hope i can meet people from various life and background and going through the loneliness that i feel right now, thats why i chose this internet forum... which is for the lonely people...
i'm sorry if i confuse you, im trying my best to describe myself feel free to respond to this...
so about me....
back then in college i was actually an outgoing person and love seeing new people, but since i got older i gradually turn into a loner, not that i like it, its just that i cant imagine myself being another kind of person. yes, its a lonely life.
i am a sensitive and shy person and because of that i tend to overreact (inwardly) in interactions. I get embarrassed so very easily. when i was outgoing, i try to be the clown to cover the embarrassment, but later i dont enjoy it anymore, i found my inner voice refusing this role. this isnt who i am.
since i was a little girl, i've been developing a habit:
i often hesitate talking to people, even when the words are on the tip of my tongue. so instead, i simulate the conversation in my mind (results in nothing, obviously) time moves on, and the simulation turns verbal. i started the habit of talking (literally) alone. to describe it, its like im practicing an act for theater. i often do this when i am alone in a room. i still talk to people, but i do the talking alone a lot. especially now, since im living a lonely life.
that is a bad habit, i know. why i'm doing that? i am afraid of consequences in human interactions. i am scared of the endless probability of responses, so i'd rather avoid real encounters. other reason is that i do it when i wish to talk to someone that seems impossible to approach. (like someone i observe only from far away or some famous people i adore but couldn't meet)
eventually, i'm craving for a real response, from real person. and yet, i still hesitate. i still shy away. i'm still avoiding unpredictable responses.
this is why i become a loner and gets a lonely life. even as im telling you guys about it right now, i am fearing the probability that you might get scared and tell me to go to a psychiatrist instead.
so maybe to start coping the loneliness the healthier way, im joining this forum. at least im talking to real people, though on the net. i hope i can meet people from various life and background and going through the loneliness that i feel right now, thats why i chose this internet forum... which is for the lonely people...
i'm sorry if i confuse you, im trying my best to describe myself
feel free to respond to this...
