I've been doing some thinking these past couple of days...

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aspeckofdust

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And I find it to be truly peculiar that I don't really have any friends of my own (non-family friends) in real life.

I've been doing volunteer work this week and I've met a few people there that I've hit it off with. The volunteer work ends tomorrow though and I know I probably won't see any of those few ever again. Part of me wants to ask them for their e-mail addresses or something so we can keep in contact with each other and a bigger part of me says "why bother?".

I realize it's very pessimistic of me to even say this, but I can't help thinking that even if they do give me a way to contact them after tomorrow, it won't change anything in my life. Maybe I would talk to them a few times through e-mails, IMs, Facebook, or even on the phone, but I don't think it'd ever lead to meeting up and hanging out or anything like that.

I hate that I'm being like this at all and I really hope that tomorrow, I'll ask at least ONE of them for some kind of contact info. I don't expect it to happen though. I know myself too well. And then tomorrow afternoon, when the volunteer work's over, I'll hate myself just a little more.

What's really sad though, is that I'm slowly starting to realize that my lack of friends is ENTIRELY my fault. I think I've proven to myself that I'm capable of socializing, but it's never anything that extends past a single event, all because I let people slip away out of fear.

I'm a moron and I don't know how to change it. I don't care if suicide is selfish (well, I do care, because I partially agree, I just hate how people say that). I just want to die so badly sometimes, to end this personal torment of mine, and now would be one of those times. Don't worry, I won't actually be killing myself. I'm sure I'd find a way to screw that up too anyway. :(
 
You should have the kind of faith in you that I have in you: groundless and unquestionable. Go for it, worst case, they say no and you'll never have to see them again.
 
actually i kind of have the same problem as you do. i meet new people but it never goes further and i dont ask them out. but recently, i've been reading blogs of people my age and i envy how spontaneous they are, planning meetings with people they've only met once or twice. maybe you worry that the other party will find you boring or 'not on the same wavelength'?

i have few friends but they have alot of friends. i fear rejection and am quite self-consious, afraid of them thinking i'm desperate and have no other people to hang out with. but recently i've noticed the 2 most popular of my friends, how they make friends so easily is that they are not scared to invite people out. they also text me without thinking "is she gonna find me annoying". i think ppl like us face alot of rejection in the past, so we fear judgement. but our friends may not have this sort of inhibition and thats really how they make friends. you should try to take the first step! take the initiative to connect with them, who knows what the future holds.
 
Reggie Jected said:
You should have the kind of faith in you that I have in you: groundless and unquestionable. Go for it, worst case, they say no and you'll never have to see them again.

I agree, that would be the worst case, but that's not even really what I fear, since I'm pretty sure they WOULD say yes.


applepear said:
actually i kind of have the same problem as you do. i meet new people but it never goes further and i dont ask them out. but recently, i've been reading blogs of people my age and i envy how spontaneous they are, planning meetings with people they've only met once or twice. maybe you worry that the other party will find you boring or 'not on the same wavelength'?

i have few friends but they have alot of friends. i fear rejection and am quite self-consious, afraid of them thinking i'm desperate and have no other people to hang out with. but recently i've noticed the 2 most popular of my friends, how they make friends so easily is that they are not scared to invite people out. they also text me without thinking "is she gonna find me annoying". i think ppl like us face alot of rejection in the past, so we fear judgement. but our friends may not have this sort of inhibition and thats really how they make friends. you should try to take the first step! take the initiative to connect with them, who knows what the future holds.

There is worrying that I'll be found boring or we wouldn't be on the same wavelength. I seem to be able to notice the latter rather quickly usually at least.

It's hard to not think things like "will they find me annoying". Not that I WANT to think things like that, but it's hard to just cut off that kind of thinking once it starts. I would like to take that first step. We'll see though...
 
Self awareness is key. Sure, to find out that you are dull is cringeworthy, but if you can pick up on their waning interest, you'll know when to change the subject. Also, when in doubt, ask them what subject interests them (perhaps not in so many words)

Good luck
 
I try to use asking what subject interests them as a last resort, because I feel like the conversation becomes forced in a way then. When stuff just comes up naturally when I'm talking to someone, the conversation itself seems sooooooooooooooo much better to me.

Well, I ended up asking one of them if I could friend them on Facebook and they said sure. I'm not entirely certain the profile I found is the right one though. Wouldn't that just be ironic, if I went through all that mental work to be able to ask them something so simple, only to not be able to find their profile? -_-
 
Ask them what they're doing on the weekends. Maybe its something they can invite you to? You could express interest.
 
If I was you I'd ask for there phone numbers, why not if you hit it off with them? Leave it maybe a week after seeing them last and ask if they want to get a drink or something, or go to a gig, watch the football etc. Just don't contact them too quickley after leaving the volenteer work, It'll look a bit needy.

Hope that helps!
 
Hey, well done on taking positive steps to improve your life. I don't have any advice as such, just wanted to wish you the best of luck. :)
 
aspeckofdust said:
And I find it to be truly peculiar that I don't really have any friends of my own (non-family friends) in real life.

I've been doing volunteer work this week and I've met a few people there that I've hit it off with. The volunteer work ends tomorrow though and I know I probably won't see any of those few ever again. Part of me wants to ask them for their e-mail addresses or something so we can keep in contact with each other and a bigger part of me says "why bother?".

I realize it's very pessimistic of me to even say this, but I can't help thinking that even if they do give me a way to contact them after tomorrow, it won't change anything in my life. Maybe I would talk to them a few times through e-mails, IMs, Facebook, or even on the phone, but I don't think it'd ever lead to meeting up and hanging out or anything like that.

I hate that I'm being like this at all and I really hope that tomorrow, I'll ask at least ONE of them for some kind of contact info. I don't expect it to happen though. I know myself too well. And then tomorrow afternoon, when the volunteer work's over, I'll hate myself just a little more.

What's really sad though, is that I'm slowly starting to realize that my lack of friends is ENTIRELY my fault. I think I've proven to myself that I'm capable of socializing, but it's never anything that extends past a single event, all because I let people slip away out of fear.

I'm a moron and I don't know how to change it. I don't care if suicide is selfish (well, I do care, because I partially agree, I just hate how people say that). I just want to die so badly sometimes, to end this personal torment of mine, and now would be one of those times. Don't worry, I won't actually be killing myself. I'm sure I'd find a way to screw that up too anyway. :(

I'll be your friend. But to warn you; I don't like people.
 
Hey Speck...it sounds like you have a lack of self-confidence/worth/esteem...whatever you want to call it. I'm happy to talk about it in greater detail to find out if I might be able to help out. Feel free to PM me if interested- thanks.
 
LucieMay said:
Hey, well done on taking positive steps to improve your life. I don't have any advice as such, just wanted to wish you the best of luck. :)

Thanks! :)

DevinSutherland said:
I'll be your friend. But to warn you; I don't like people.

How would being friends work if you don't like people? :|

BUFFALOBT said:
Hey Speck...it sounds like you have a lack of self-confidence/worth/esteem...whatever you want to call it. I'm happy to talk about it in greater detail to find out if I might be able to help out. Feel free to PM me if interested- thanks.

Oh I'm certain I have a lack of self-confidence/worth/esteem. I thank you for your offer, but I don't think I'll take it. It just seems like talking about it and how I can improve on it is a discussion I've had countless times with countless people now and I'm getting kind of tired of it, because it never seems to makes a difference for me in the end. I am what I am and I can't change. I just have to find ways to work around problems like that when they get in my way.
 

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