Girl of my dreams now in relationship

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putter65

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Just seen it on facebook. Initially felt like someone had kicked me in the balls.

Feel a few different things now. Firstly, I just wonder how lucky some guys are. How they can get up in the morning and get dates and meet women. The woman I like is stunning so plenty of men will be after her. I just don't feel good enough. I can be ultra nice to women (and I am) but it doesn't get me anywhere. Nothing does and however nice women say I am, nothing seems to go for me. At best I become 'friends' with the occasional woman, like this one.

It all seems a big waste of time and effort and worry. Yet she has spent a bit of time with me alone (playing golf) and no other woman seems to want to. So it's better than nothing I suppose. I just feel embarrassed because I have mentioned her to my Mother and a few other people. I've never had many friends in my life and it's a big deal having a female one.

One of her friends flirts with me so I asked her to the pictures but she didn't really answer. She flirts like crazy and I wanted to call her bluff somewhat and see what happened.

I just think when women say nice things they don't really mean it. The flirty woman said a couple of weeks ago that her and the golf woman were 'fighting over' me. Those were her words. I thought 'that's interesting' - yet really it's just either teasing or somebody messing about.

People say 'go out and meet people' - I am not the type, I am just not comfortable in a social setting in large groups of people. I don't meet people when I go anywhere. All people seem to do is make fun of me. I like one to one meetings.

It is nice I have become 'friends' with this woman and I've never been daft enough to think it would go any furthur. I just wish they were more people like her and I had ten friends like her. And then she wouldn't be so important !
 
You're not alone.

The boy I like isn't in a relationship, but he's just stopped talking to me.

Just stopped.
 
PurpleDays said:
You're not alone.

The boy I like isn't in a relationship, but he's just stopped talking to me.

Just stopped.

Sorry about that.

I know I'm not alone, I'm in this group of people who for whatever reason, don't get dates or get anywhere with the opposite sex.

I'm just annoyed I've spent alot of time discussing this woman with my family and I've wasted their time as well. The end result is always 'they are not interested' - doesn't matter what they say or what they do. The signs are all crap. It's not that I don't see the signs or understand them, they don't exist !

Nobody understands that ! Nobody !

I don't know how to carry on with this woman. We are supposed to be playing golf together after her holiday. She cancelled twice this week, one hour before on both occasions, saying she was tired. What annoyed me was it was her idea in the first place. And when people send you messages 'we'll have to play golf next week' - you have to take them seriously.

It's hard to find a balance. I could cut contact completely and she probably wouldn't notice or I could act like nothing as happened. I just hate to a nusicence to people. And I hate to pretend I mean something to people when I probably don't.

I might feel better in a weeks time about things. And go back to just sending her a text every week or so asking her how things are.

 
Well, the woman I want gives me more red, yellow, and green signals than a traffic light. I could be extremely optimistic about us becoming a couple on one day, and extremely pessimistic on another. I had a really long post, but I think I'll just end it with what's going to happen. I'll remain on this emotional rollercoaster and take the big blow if that's what's coming to me. In truly wanting this woman, I will not hop off until I know for certain that we will not happen.
:(


I totally feel you about HALLUCINATING that someone finds you as important as you find them. It hurts, but what can you do...

PurpleDays said:
You're not alone.

The boy I like isn't in a relationship, but he's just stopped talking to me.

Just stopped.

Let me ask you a few things.
Stopped talking as in stopped calling?
Do you ever call him? Was it that you called him and he doesn't answer, or just always makes it seem like he can't talk?
 
Instead of aiming for the unavailable stunners with loads of men chasing them, why not to get to know a few of the lonely wall flower plain janes? You might be pleasantly surprised at who you find and the response you get.
 
I don't normally go for stunners. A few women I'm interested in are totally different. I usually go for personalities. I just happened to fall for a stunning woman this time !

Thing is I'm 43 now so I've had 27, 28 years of disapointments regarding women. Do they like me ? No, they never have. So it's hard to think anything else !
 
My first thought was that you need a decoy.
But then I felt like scum because I'm a "nice guy"
and we don't resort to those tactics. (Maybe we should)
 
I'm sorry how things worked out for you. I would say don't think about her and I know, it's not an easy thing to do. It might sound dumb, but - fresia her. She doesn't have time for you, then you just move on. Don't think that you have a problem, most people are stupid. In the past i blamed some failed relationships on myself, but I realized it wasn't my fault. It doesn't matter how hard I try or what I did. You know for a relationship to work, you need two.

A few months ago I was seeing this girl a lot on daily basis, just friends. She had this guy she was going out with who was very jealous I guess. After he met me every time after that he was eyeballing me when I was talking with his girl, when he was around, and talking honeysuckle behind my back without any kind of provocation. One time though I was in a bad mood and snapped. Went to him and said: "WTF's your problem? Why are you eyeballing me, pal?" So he almost pissed his pants and after that his girl, which I was a good friend to stopped talking to me. It appeared it's my fault, even if I didn't do anything wrong.

I want to tell you that stuff happen for a reason and you should never blame yourself or feel bad how things turn out. I hope you find somebody else soon.
 
She's had boyfriends before in the last year and it's not stopped our friendship. We've played golf together a few times and it's been her who's done the asking. In her last text, she said we'll play after her holiday. So it could happen I suppose. I know she's got plenty of other male friends and she won't dump them because she's just started dating somebody. (Her male friends are long term ones she's known for years !)

Since I don't have any friends, having her is something I suppose. She has this mate who is a big flirt and the other week I asked her if she wanted to do something (She was talking about me playing golf with her friend) - she didn't really answer and nothing was done. I have been meaning to give her my mobile number for the last month but never got round to doing it.

 
rosebud said:
There you go - be friends with her and see where the tide takes you. :)

I'm more annoyed because of not playing golf with her last week than her getting a new bloke.

Last Sunday she asked me to work with her and then play golf afterwards. I got loads of grief from my boss about it because I don't tend to do overtime on Sundays at my shop.

So I go, work and then when it time to leave it's raining. So she suggests playing in the week sometime. We agree on Thursday. On Monday I send her a text asking if she wants to play on Wednesday instead and she says 'yes' - of course Wednesday an hour before we were due to play - she backs out saying she's tired and can we play Thursday instead. Thursday - an hour before she backs out again saying she's tired. So I send a text saying it doesn't matter and have a nice holiday. She replies about 3 hours later saying she's just woke up and we'll play when she gets back.

I told a few people at work and they felt really sorry for me and said she had been 'very rude' by backing out two days running. I do believe she was tired out though, I can't believe she was making it all up.

On the night I briefly chatted with her on facebook asking her how she was and she said 'fine'

So that's what happened. You see it's not just me asking her places and her backing out. She does alot of the asking. So maybe we'll continue our friendship when she gets back from her holiday. Or we won't and she'll forget about me.

 
That is positive (that she's doing a lot of asking). Ever tried with someone who gives you the impression they want to spend time, but never asks and often backs out? It's not fun, that's for sure. I'm moving myself to the point of "getting the picture" and just accepting the invitations of those who'd like to spend time with me. It's a funny thing. I actually declined an invitation (with another woman) to go and do the very same thing that me and this woman had planned on doing on the following day. When you plan for something days (even weeks) in advance, and any random thing can come up on the DAY of the scheduled event to get her to back out, it really does make you feel crappy. Needless to say, I am growing tired of it. I know I wouldn't want to be in a "romantic" relationship where I constantly feel this way. Maybe she can imagine that about people and knows it is an effective signal... I'd rather her just say what's really on her mind. I always feared that I could be making the wrong decision in minimizing my feelings for her out of some assumption about a situation I don't know the full details of. There's only so much we can observe. We always think we know what's going on, but we never really do. We can guess correctly, but also incorrectly.

It was heavy consideration of that idea that allowed me to TRY again when things were falling apart in the past. I was happy as hell when it worked. I'll admit that at the time, I was a bit concerned that I'd done something wrong, perhaps even mean. I really didn't know what, but I couldn't stay on a guilt trip, even if it was an unwarranted one. But at this stage, I'm sure of myself that it is not me. She really does make me feel like I am the least important thing on her list at times, and I know I deserve better.
 
This woman doesn't always answer my texts and she disapeared for a month in the spring, no contact whatsoever. But reading her facebook page, she seems to do that to everybody. People are always typing 'did you get my message ?' messages etc.

She is just one of those people who makes others happy. It's her looks, charm, personality, the whole package really. She has her girlfriends, family and male friends. They all want to spend time with her. Some of her FB messages are embarrassing, clingy and needy. I have never dropped to that level and I would often not contact her for 2 weeks. I should be happy I am friends with her because I worked with her for about 6 months and we hardly ever spoke and were not friends. And then we started chatting and intially I thought she was a blonde bimbo but she's not like that at all.

If she comes back from her holiday and continues where we left off which was chatting a few times a week then everything will be okay. I'll have to wait and see.
 
That's honeysuckle man sorry to hear that. I've been into this girl for like 2 years, and FINALLY after about 2 years, I thought I might have been making some kind of progress, and then about a week later I see she's in a relationship. I know what you mean about it feeling like being kicked in the balls. I felt like utter shite for the first week or so. Worst thing was I hadn't mentioned I was into her to anybody, for fear of her finding out or something, so when I found out I couldn't explain why I was so depressed to people, and people just thought I was being a total dick.
 
holsten1 said:
That's honeysuckle man sorry to hear that. I've been into this girl for like 2 years, and FINALLY after about 2 years, I thought I might have been making some kind of progress, and then about a week later I see she's in a relationship. I know what you mean about it feeling like being kicked in the balls. I felt like utter shite for the first week or so. Worst thing was I hadn't mentioned I was into her to anybody, for fear of her finding out or something, so when I found out I couldn't explain why I was so depressed to people, and people just thought I was being a total dick.

I always wonder how some blokes can be so lucky. Getting dates as easy as that. I've told a few people, family and this other female friend I've got who doesn't know her. I do suspect people at work know because they are always cracking jokes about it.

I told my brother and he said if she knows I've got this crush on her then she shouldn't really encourage me by playing golf with me. So maybe she has no idea and thinks I only like her as a friend.

 
I know that this might sound stuiped, but I think it's important not to give people or give off the impression that you think that they are overly important to you. Because when you do people start to mess you around. It's cool to let people know how you feel, just don't make this girl think that she is as important to you as she is.
 
I gotta ask though, why did you wait 2 years if you were into her? Of course she's going to assume you aren't interested after that long!
 
I'm sorry to hear that. It always hurts to find out someone you like has entered a relationship with someone other than you. I've had it happen to me a couple times now.

Like you, I'm not the type to "go out and meet people", so even making a friend that happens to be a female is a great achievement for me.

I sometimes wish I was completely apathetic about everything. Then I think it would be easier because I simply wouldn't care about being or not being in a relationship with anyone.
 
cocopops said:
I know that this might sound stuiped, but I think it's important not to give people or give off the impression that you think that they are overly important to you. Because when you do people start to mess you around. It's cool to let people know how you feel, just don't make this girl think that she is as important to you as she is.

I agree. I do try. I don't bombard her facebook page with messages and I do chat with all my other friends on there. I also like to keep my texts to a bare minimum.

It's keeping a balance though. I don't want to completely ignore her.



aspeckofdust said:
I'm sorry to hear that. It always hurts to find out someone you like has entered a relationship with someone other than you. I've had it happen to me a couple times now.

Like you, I'm not the type to "go out and meet people", so even making a friend that happens to be a female is a great achievement for me.

I sometimes wish I was completely apathetic about everything. Then I think it would be easier because I simply wouldn't care about being or not being in a relationship with anyone.

Well yeah, I have achieved a great deal with this woman. She's been left my workplace now for 5 months and we have stayed in touch. The golf thing is great because I could never see it happening. She didn't seem the type.

The 'go out and meet people' advice I get from people just isn't going to happen.

 

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