Is this it?

I just don't know what to do...

I really do hate myself. I know most people say that in a vain attempt to suck uncomfortably given sympathy out of everyone around them, but it's true. Everything about me makes me sick.

I'm awkward and ugly, and worse, I try to pretend I'm not. I fix my hair and put on makeup and wear tight clothes like I have some sort of chance at making someone like me. It's really sickening. A grotesquely ridiculous display.

I haven't succeeded at anything since freshman year, I'm a disappointment to my parents, I'm lazy and stupid and not worth anyone's time. I'll never be anything or do anything with my life because I give my emotions free reign and have no self control. I do stupid, embarassing things and cry at the drop of a hat. No wonder no one wants to be seen with me.

I'm obsessive and sappy and drive everyone away from me, then retreat into a corner to feel sorry for myself and lick my wounds and wonder why no one has come after me. Really, I'm surprised it's taken this long for the few people I have left to get sick of me. Or maybe they have, and it's just that I'm embarassingly incapable of taking a hint. That was how things ended with my lover, after all.

My past is nothing but a string of cringe-inducing idiocies, my present is empty and joyless, and believe me when I say that I've thoroughly drained all possibility from my future. Why don't I kill myself? Because I'm a coward and don't like pain. That's pretty much it. The picture completed.

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. I used to feel the same way about myself back when I was younger but either I got to look better as I grew older or I started learning to appreciate myself and see the great things aboout me that I dont really have that problem anymore.

Perhaps, you should take a second look in the mirror. The way you rate yourself is different from the way other people rate you. Goodluck.

Dear secondplace,
hope you've posted your thread when u were feeling down,
hope u're better now. will not give any advises but i think i know how u feel.

let me know.
cheers

i thought about myself this way too, but life is too beautiful to think you are ugly, if you just take a second look at everything you'll see everything is beautiful, so how could nature make you ugly? you're beautiful and everybody who doesn't agree should look at themselves;
this is my oppinoin

a kiss and a big smile!

dear second place,you are precious and unique..and I would be honored to be your friend..I also have had those feelings and I can feel your pain..but it is not true, sounds like someone has hurt you really bad and told you those horrible things about yourself...can that be?If so I just say they have no right to brake some one's spirit like that ..and it sucks!!!!!!!!YOU ARE PRECIOUS...AND BEAUTIFUL AND WE ARE ALL YOUR NEW FRIENDS HERE>>>>so let that be a big hug from me to you......

Hi and welcome, secondplace!
First of all, I would suggest u not to be so harsh on yourself. We're not perfect, anyone has his/her own weak points. We can work them out, though.
I think that if you are aware of the things u don't like in yourself, u r 50% done: try to work them out! Life is all we got, let's try to use it in the best way we can!=)

I'm new to this site and just read your post. It really jumped out at me and made me think about the things that go on around us that we never realize. Whether it be we are too self absorbed with our problems, or simply a lack of human compassion. I must say you are very intelligent and much better with words than myself. I too have experienced some of the same troubles in my life as you. It's almost funny how you never realize what you have until you hit rock bottom. For me it was the best thing. I lost everything... My job, my girlfriend, my car, legal troubles. I too contemplated suicde at one point. But its the hardest most trying times in life that gives us the fuel to carry on. I know its easier said than done, but you have to believe in yourself. We keep on fighting and we never give up. It sounds like you have a family that cares enough about you, that's why I know you'll make it through. If not for my family...not friends but family.. I would not be posting this today. I hope If nothing else I displayed that their are still good people left in this world. people who care and love you whom you have never and may never meet. I wish you the best and pray that you never give up fighting. ~TxTumbleweed

sweet tumble weed,what you said was very encourageing.......God bless you........

Not that much^^^

I feel the same way as you do. I was called ugly all the time, I've been rejected all the time, made fun of, isolated and all of this crap! I guess you're not alone by people who relate to you on your post.

I've been there too...

secondplace said:

I just don't know what to do...

I really do hate myself. I know most people say that in a vain attempt to suck uncomfortably given sympathy out of everyone around them, but it's true. Everything about me makes me sick.

I'm awkward and ugly, and worse, I try to pretend I'm not. I fix my hair and put on makeup and wear tight clothes like I have some sort of chance at making someone like me. It's really sickening. A grotesquely ridiculous display.

I haven't succeeded at anything since freshman year, I'm a disappointment to my parents, I'm lazy and stupid and not worth anyone's time. I'll never be anything or do anything with my life because I give my emotions free reign and have no self control. I do stupid, embarassing things and cry at the drop of a hat. No wonder no one wants to be seen with me.  

I'm obsessive and sappy and drive everyone away from me, then retreat into a corner to feel sorry for myself and lick my wounds and wonder why no one has come after me. Really, I'm surprised it's taken this long for the few people I have left to get sick of me. Or maybe they have, and it's just that I'm embarassingly incapable of taking a hint. That was how things ended with my lover, after all.

My past is nothing but a string of cringe-inducing idiocies, my present is empty and joyless, and believe me when I say that I've thoroughly drained all possibility from my future. Why don't I kill myself? Because I'm a coward and don't like pain. That's pretty much it. The picture completed.

Click to expand...

For starters, if you were to kill yourself, I'd miss you, especially since I can relate to all of your post. You'd be depriving yourself of a new friend (me) who would love to get to know you.

I highly doubt that you'd be ugly and regardless of that, I wouldn't turn my back on you. You're on the right track though when you said you pretend that you're not, not that you should be pretending but you need to learn to love yourself and appreciate yourself. Once you can start to love and appreciate yourself, others will start to as well. I know that might sound corny to you but it's the truth. One thing to help you might be to try to look in a mirror at least once each day (and try to do this longer each day). As you look at yourself in the mirror, try to say positive things like that you love yourself. It's something that my friend's been trying to get me to do. As for the clothes you wear, unless there's a dress code, you should wear what makes you feel good. You shouldn't care what others think of it.

Have your parents said anything to you to indicate that you've been a disappointment to them? They most likely still love you. I have doubts that you haven't succeeded at anything since freshman year and even still, you've accomplished something once so you can still accomplish another thing, just don't let yourself get impatient. Everyone gets lazy at something but that doesn't mean there's nothing to motivate or inspire you and certainly doesn't mean you can't achieve or work hard at something. You're worth my time as proven by me caring about you and taking the time to type you a sincere post. We all do stupid or embarrassing things but many people don't think too much of it and don't care of what others think of it. It's ok to cry because some people like us are more emotional than others and because I'm sure you've had more than your fair share of rough times, just don't cry yourself to sleep. Try to do something to calm yourself down by listening to music, going for a walk, taking a soothing bath, or venting to me lol. The sad thing about it though is that by living so far away, I'm unable to physically give you a shoulder to cry on yet.

You wouldn't drive me away and if you retreated to a corner while I were there, I would sit in the corner with you to make sure you're ok and as I said, would give you a shoulder to cry on and as for things ending with your lover, it's his fault! He's not good enough for you if he can't love you for you!

Well I do hate myself too. I'm not ugly but I am fat. Everyone treats me like honeysuckle, about it. So I can understand how you feel.

You shouldn't thing about suicide,never never give up,i know how you will,everyday i wake up feeling like honeysuckle,no one to talk to,everything is boring,i think the reason people don t talk to me is because im ugly,annoying,and i have a weird way of talking,most days i don t care what i wear,since im so ugly what different sould it make.most people use me for there own desire,yet i know but i still help them,im weak but i never think of suicide because i know if i kill myself then i really didn t accomplish anything in my life,i may be weak,ugly,annoying but i still have hope that maybe one day if i keep fighting to prove myself wrong,i might change and be able to say no im not dumb and yes i value myself...but i kill myself,everything end there...

I hope i helped in someway...

It's so hard in today's society. What is considered attractive is a very, very small percent of our population and hard to achieve for most all of us. It's pretty sick.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are better than you think!!!!

I don't consider myself ugly, except I'm underweight for a guy my height and age. I work beside a lot of juice monkeys that go to the gym every night and pump themselves full of roids, but I know I'm not as bad looking as I imagine when I look in the mirror. It's the environment that gets me down. With everyone alive we know our bodies, we know our faces inside out, we instantly notice each and every "flaw" that we can pick out and have picked out as long as we were self-conscious of our appearances. What you need to see is that others don't see you the way you see yourself. Others may not notice what we consider "flaws" or because it makes us who we are they may love and embrace those "flaws".

That being said, I suffered very severe depression after a painful breakup with my first and only love to date. I have no trouble now admitting that I broke up with her because of my own lack of confidence and feelings of insecurity. At the time I felt she deserved someone just like herself. I felt that she was way too good for me. Beautiful, popular, outgoing, involved in everything, honor student. I was barely noticed in school, very shy, very introverted, involved in nothing (except drum lessons), and made just passing grades. I was her opposite and didn't know enough at the time to realize that opposites attract, and just how foolish my thoughts of breaking up with her really were. A month after ending the relationship I realized my mistake but it was too late. I raged, cried, and raged some more. In fact i suffered every waking hour of every day for two weeks short of a year from the date of our breakup... that's a lot of days depressed. I even had a day where I was so depressed I couldn't eat, when I finally force-fed myself cereal the next morning before work I ended up getting sick and throwing it up. I've never suffered like that since. I would have given anything for a magic pill, a post on a forum, advice from a friend that could make the pain end, but it didn't just vanish. A day didn't go by that year that I didn't consider suicide, but I know that suicide is a selfish end. You may end your pain in a instant, but the rest of your families lives they will have to live with you gone. Everyone around you will suffer from your lost life. Anything good in your life will have been forfeit. If I had died 10 years ago I would never have gone to college and made great friends, I would never have traveled across north america and seen the wonderful sites waiting to be discovered. I would never have lived to see my beautiful nieces born and grow to call me Uncle, I would have forfeit so much in life that I live today to appreciate. For me it was the environment. Everywhere I went I thought I saw her, or remembered things we did there, or stores we went to, I was surrounded by her everywhere. I thought I was ugly because I felt so ugly on the inside. I thought I would never love again. It took me a year to save enough money but I moved from that environment to a place 2,500 miles away. The pain subsided. Maybe for you time will be enough to heal your wounds. For me it was time and distance. This year I bought land in both places, and I can return to this town without feelings of despair. There is always hope. The good times, the bad times share one thing in common, they both come and go with time.
Never give up, never surrender... someone out there will become the love of your life. They may not know it yet, and neither may you, but your future love awaits the day you meet. Don't deny them that day, don't deny yourself that day.

I feel exactly the same. Even when I have one of those brief moments of apathy towards my ugly appearance, I still have nobody to share my thoughts, opinions and ideas with. /sigh.