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ricardo361

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Hi everybody! My name is Richard and I just stumbled across this site while aimlessly browsing the internet looking for answers to my pain. I am a 24 year old man, born in the philippines but adopted as a baby by an Australian family who I lived-with until I was 18.
According to my foster family, workmates and many other 'contacts' I am a successful, healthy and accomplished man with no worries in the world. In many senses they are right, but that is because they are all as emotionally intelligent as a tree stump.
I may be a trained architect, have an athletic body, live independently, am financially secure and have some wonderful close friends, but my life to me is just a painful, lonely journey leading nowhere worthwhile other than to more responsibility, more deadlines and more pressure.
Because my foster parents were very critical of me and abused me a lot when growing-up, I never developed a proper bond with them and resented their behaviour for the entire[/i] time we lived together. l have never been able to understand love and intimacy in relationships and it has always been something I have greatly desired since I was young. Everyday it is rubbed in my face when I step out of the door and to be honest I dont know how much longer I can continue 'living' like this before I do something irrational.
I have never had a partner or even been out with anyone and it is a source of massive frustration and anger for me because I feel like a perfectly decent person who has many qualities a woman would disire. But because of this lack of experience in romance, and the sheer desperation I have to live ahave this, I am never able to get the chance to demonstrate myself to potential partners before being thrown into the 'too desperate' or 'too serious' bin.
Everyone always tells me the same old crap about not worrying but that is just impossible because as a human being, I need the physical touch of a companion and the emotional clensing that comes with an intimate relationship. Without that I am just a body operating in rather indifferent fashion to a machine. I have too much pride to even consider taking my life, but at the same time I am too lonely and hurting to want to continue existing like this. I know there is no answer apart from finding that someone to love, but I just want to put it down here because it sounds like many others here are stuck in the same prison-like lifestyle.
I am happy to chat with anyone here and I am actually a very friendly person, just a bit downbeat so thanks to all for reading my story and I look-forward to chating with you again soon.
 
Keep reaching out and don't stop trying to connect with others. You are alright for feeling like something is missing that's o.k. Guess it's called now what to do about it.

Can you talk to anyone you know face to face? Would some kind of counseling help? Others suggest online dating I don't know where you are at with this. Is it a social disorder? Can get therapy for that.

What exactly happens with woman you start to get close to? Do you have any idea? Why do they throw you in the "needy bin" ? (using your words)
 
yeah thanks for that. Yes I already have been seeing a proffessional about my situation for about half a year and it is a very slow process. My good friends are also aware of it but they don't know anything to do that I haven't already tried. I have tried the internet and only received interest from women in foreign countries, nothing came to fruition with Melbourne-based girls. So I have long finished my stint on the internet sites.
I never seem to be able to entertain a woman when I am speaking to her. It is easy to initiate conversations but after say 5 minutes, I have nothing to say and the conversation always dies. I find it frustrating because while the girls seem physically attracted, they are not excited by me on a personality level and Im not sure how to make myself seem more exciting to them. I don't have that witty humour that seems to be a prerequisite to picking-up girls these days. I think it is mainly the desperation that makes girls run, and covering that up is something I have a hard time dealing with because it is such a raw emotion and basic human desire that has been pro-longed for far too long.
I know have got delayed emotional development issues and that is always a hurdle because I am only descovering things all my friends knew about when they were 14. I think I need to wait until I am older and women are less keen on playing-around and more interested in finding someone serious and that is where I will be more suitable. Until then I will just continue working my career out and holding my breath
cheers
 
Hello richard :)
Welcome.

Btw,

ricardo361 said:
It is easy to initiate conversations but after say 5 minutes, I have nothing to say and the conversation always dies.

happens to me too sometimes :( *shrugs*
 
This is an interesting story considering how young you are. I am 24 myself.

I graduated college with a liberal arts degree (worthless paper) and am burdened with an extraordinary amount of school and credit card debt. I have never been able to keep a decent-paying job, and physically-speaking I'm not ugly, but I'm really scrawny and sickly-looking from my depression and lack of food funds. It's 3:30 in the morning now and I just woke up thinking really bad things about my life. The first thing I thought about was when I'm finally going to be able to get a decent job and pay my bills. I just met my uncle and aunt tonight for dinner. I happened to mention I didn't have money to pay for gas and my uncle ending up slipping me money at the end of the night to pay for some. I felt like such a worm. I wonder how much longer I will have to have people picking up my weight.

I also wondered how I was supposed to attract a woman in this kind of situation. I'm young, but with no good job or money how am I supposed to provide for anyone? That's the thought I woke up with just now. It's funny that I read your post in a way. Even with your security in this department I suppose it's still possible to struggle with that emotional neediness that I too suffer.

You might be in a prison, but at least it's a comfortable one. And your money might not buy happiness, but it certainly helps. Just try to remember that you are in a lot better position than people like me when it comes to the ladies. You will appear much more ambitious and successful than a chump like me that can't even pay his bills. Your a much better catch. Once you get through the emotional hurdles you have (which you are already getting help for), you're going to have no problem attracting that right one for you. Good luck.
 
Hi 'That guy', I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I am sure it must suck indeed. In my early years I was unable to get a job and also had to borrow money from friends and relos, living like a poor man. It was not fun and I did not enjoy that situation. I worked my balls off to get where I am financially. I still have debts etc, but it is manegable now. I have been in a fortunate position to snag work in my career early-on but that was the result of hard work and dedication at university and then using those skills to go-out and find a job.
I can see your point on women wanting someone who can provide for them, but that idea is becoming obsolete in this society. Because women can earn the same as men and enjoy the same social benifits, they no longer need a provider, but moreso, an entertainer or an 'emotional provider'. I know of countless absolute deadbeats (didn't pass school, ******* personalities, still at home etc) who have lovely girlfriends. You can be very poor but as long as you have social experience and an entertaining personality, you will still be able to get laid by someone. My best friend is BROKE, totally broke and his girlfriend still loves him to death. He is 26 and still completing his apprentiship and is always bogged-down by money difficulties. But because he knows himself and has the experience/self knowledge, he has a very healthy and rewarding relationship.
Not all women are like this, but at our age, most are. If you have little social experience or self doubt, then things are not going to be easy finding a lover.
But if you have a good circle of supportive and real friends, you can begin moving towards more money, better relationships and eventual contentment. Good luck and never give in!
 

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