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One thing I had to learn really quickly
#71
(07-14-2011, 07:20 AM)jean-vic Wrote: Wise words. Still, a lot of people feel like no one likes them. Yes, they can take your advice and stop caring so much (like many of us have done now, because of our experiences) but there are other causes of loneliness that people suffer with.

I was going to say the same. I think it is what the original poster said is true. In life, not EVERYone is going to like you. She said that so that you can be realistic and not get so disappointed when people don't return the same interest in you as a friend. But having said that, you can't turn that into a negative emotion and go around feeling like 'ok nobody is gonna like me'. I think the problem with loneliness is...its like a destructive cycle. You're lonely. Then you feel depressed. You feel sad. When you feel sad, you're less vibrant and lively. People sort of feel your vibes. Then when you're with people, people may not be too excited about you because they feel your'e a little reserved, less lively etc. Then its hard to attract friends because naturally people are attracted to lively, happy, positive people. Does that make sense?
"Most of us prefer comfort to risk, even if that comfort turns into loneliness."
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#72
(07-17-2011, 02:55 PM)beans Wrote:
(07-14-2011, 07:20 AM)jean-vic Wrote: Wise words. Still, a lot of people feel like no one likes them. Yes, they can take your advice and stop caring so much (like many of us have done now, because of our experiences) but there are other causes of loneliness that people suffer with.

I was going to say the same. I think it is what the original poster said is true. In life, not EVERYone is going to like you. She said that so that you can be realistic and not get so disappointed when people don't return the same interest in you as a friend. But having said that, you can't turn that into a negative emotion and go around feeling like 'ok nobody is gonna like me'. I think the problem with loneliness is...its like a destructive cycle. You're lonely. Then you feel depressed. You feel sad. When you feel sad, you're less vibrant and lively. People sort of feel your vibes. Then when you're with people, people may not be too excited about you because they feel your'e a little reserved, less lively etc. Then its hard to attract friends because naturally people are attracted to lively, happy, positive people. Does that make sense?

Nailed it, absolutely agree.
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#73
(07-15-2011, 11:16 AM)trZ Wrote: "Expect nothing from everyone and you'll never be disappointed."

I disagree with this in so many ways.....

Expect SOMETHING from EVERYONE, and you'll have self respect. Have boundaries, have expectations of people. If you walk around in life expecting nothing, you probably won't get shit.

Very very good. I think this ties in with self worth. If you expect nothing from anybody, you're telling yourself you don't even deserve any good thing from any good person.

You know, I was recently in a point in my life...where I had these lousy ass acquaintances. I'll give you an example. Few months ago, I met a girl around my age (I am 28) through a language class. We became friends easily, as in, we were able to talk about most things. This girl already has a steady bf, and is very close to her family and already has a social circle of her own. So she really doesn't NEED me as a new friend in her life. What I don't like about her is, when she wants me to do something with her, she'd be so enthusiastic about it.

She'd call me all day, text me a few times, etc because she wants SOMETHING from me e.g going with her to a particular place. But once, when I wanted to talk to her, I texted her a couple of times, no reply. Called her, no one picked up. Then I was concerned, and texted again asking if she is ok. She just replied 'Yeah, am ok.' ok fine...


Then there was one time, she wanted me to accompany her to a jogging event. She called and texted like crazy. So obligingly, I went. But after that, when I wanted to talk to her, it took her 1 week to answer my text and my 2nd text, she didn't bother to reply at all. Also, when she meets me, she's always late. Always some excuse. It's like its okay for me to wait around her. Don't get me wrong, this girl is not bad, she is actually nice when she is out with me. It's just that, she's not what I'd call a 'true' friend. It's more of a convenience friend. I honestly feel my life is not that much different with or without her.


Now, before, I used to think "Don't be mad, just keep the friendship, continue treating her nice, coz if you react, you're gonna lose her. After all, you don't even have any other friends."

I have to tell you, other than her right now, I have no friend. So I feel like I can't be angry about this or put up with her shit because I have no other friends.

Then I was talking to this lady online. She is a life coach. She told me "If you are okay with all this, then that's the kind of friends you will get. Because you tolerate it and she thinks its okay doing this to you. But if you stand up for yourself, you allow for better friends to come into your life than all this sucky ones." This friend of mine tells me that if her friend shows up late for 1/2 hour, she'll just leave. lol

What do you guys think? How would you approach this?
"Most of us prefer comfort to risk, even if that comfort turns into loneliness."
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#74
Be flaky yourself, if she reacts to it, tell her that every single time you want something from her she just flakes on you, and you won't tolerate that. Besides from that I would work on getting a bigger social network. Relying on one (possibly bad) friend isn't doing you any good. If you had loads of friends you probably would've been tired of her already and just cut her out of your life. No one needs people like that, man. She thinks her time is worth more than yours, and that is absolutely ridiculous and non tolerable.
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#75
(07-17-2011, 04:36 PM)trZ Wrote: Be flaky yourself, if she reacts to it, tell her that every single time you want something from her she just flakes on you, and you won't tolerate that. Besides from that I would work on getting a bigger social network. Relying on one (possibly bad) friend isn't doing you any good. If you had loads of friends you probably would've been tired of her already and just cut her out of your life. No one needs people like that, man. She thinks her time is worth more than yours, and that is absolutely ridiculous and non tolerable.

Thanks, true.

I posted about this on my Facebook and this guy says this:

It seems to me the expectation factor is still one of seeking personal gratification and satisfaction on some level or another... be it physically, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. In the loose example you used, the gratification and/or satisfaction would come from the behavior or response of the other person showing you that you are wanted, respected, cherished, or whatever else that could be applicable.


*sigh*
"Most of us prefer comfort to risk, even if that comfort turns into loneliness."
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#76
I walk around expecting nothing, and I'm rather happy in life with this attitude because I have less to worry about. Maybe for you, expecting nothing means telling yourself you don't deserve anything good in life... Or maybe for you, expecting nothing means you "probably won't get shit".

In my life, I feel that if I don't have it, I don't need it. I don't seek out wants.

If I expected that with every good deed, I deserve to have something good returned to me--then I didn't get anything, wouldn't that just leave me in disappointment? If I expect nothing but receive something good, it's fortuitous. If I expect nothing and receive nothing, then I'm not disappointed in anything because there were no expectations. Life goes on. I don't worry about it.
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others;
for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness;
and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

- Audrey Hepburn


[Image: A_dance_calling_for_you_XD_by_KawazoeHanae.gif]
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#77
(07-14-2011, 06:44 AM)Christina Sarah Wrote: ... is that you can't win 'em all.

The lesson truly lies in accepting that not everyone's gonna want to be your friend. You shouldn't mind it. Friends and acquaintances come and go and life goes on.

Don't expect that everyone has to like you. No matter when or where you are in life, there will be people out there who won't.

Speaking of life, I hope everyone on here remembers that they have one. Attend to it. There's a world out there... explore it... & learn not to give a fuck so much, but if you do give a fuck so much... at least do it with a "fuck it" attitude. Thank you.

You're so right, can't please everyone, people are different.

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