how do you 'not' love someone?

so, ive been thinking a lot, and i want to get out of this relationship or whatever u wanna call it but the thing is, i have built my world around that guy and I CANNOT LIVE with the fact or idea that we are not together.

so the question is, how do you 'unlove'someone?

Personally, for me, once I love someone, it's forever. Yeah, I might not LIKE them, but I'll always love them.

However, if you don't think the relationship is good for you or her or it's just not working, you should end it. In time, it will fade and you will be able to live with it. But yes, it will hurt in the beginning. Do what you think is right.

If I knew how to do that, or simply answer it, I would have an easier time with my ex.

Is this an abusive relationship? It sounds like hes really got you under his thumb, and like you are really co-dependent. There are a lot of books out there on changing co-dependent ways. You CAN and totally will be able to live with the temporary pain it will cause to to leave this relationship that makes you totally unhappy. Trust me, the pain you feel after breaking up will fade quicker then you will expect.

I don't think you can unlove someone if you really do love them. Unless they do something really heinous that turns them into bile every time you look at them, and sucked every ounce of love you had for them out of you.

I don't know. If you find out, let me know - I haven't figured it out yet.

let go. Detach. No contact

hi all, thanks for taking the time to answer to this thread

on what Callie said, yes, it is true, i can move on tho there is still that small feeling that i will love him god knows until when. and the relationship is working, somehow, i think its just the fact that we're currently apart that's why im going crazy (again) LOL

@ septicemia , no it isnt really an abusive relationship... he's actually looking out for me and stuff.. but yeah, coz my world goes around him, and he knows it, and i do tend to be submissive in a relationship (crap) and thus making me, like what u said, "he's really got me under his thumb"

@ sci fi lol i know what ur talking about rofl, that actually made me laugh, specially the 'heinous' part

@ lonesome crow CANT CANT CANT

@ vanilla cream & evewasframed if any of us figures out this first, please do share it with the rest.

love you guys lots,

yellow eyes x

work real hard on killing that little part of you that still believes in foolish things.

also, thinking of death as your true friend helps.

alcohol will assist.

sorry, probably not the best advice.

if by "unlove", you mean "fall out of love", then there isn't much that you can do but wait. it just happens. judging by the description that you gave, you could be waiting a very, very long time.

i was in love once with a woman that i cared for dearly, even more than i cared for myself. after things fell apart, it took me 1 1/2 years to fall out of love and stop thinking about and stop caring for her like i did. don't get me wrong, i still care for her and still think about her, but it's not the same anymore. i don't feel what i once did for her. everything reminds me of her, and her name (a fairly common one) pops up everywhere. everywhere i go, everywhere i look, there is always someone or somthing to remind me of her. i see her here and there, walking down the sidewalk or buying produce at the market, but when i double take, i realize that it's not really her.

people will say that there are plenty of things that you can do to "unlove" him, but in my experience, only time will heal your broken heart.

Only time and distance.

Falling in love with someone else or something else helps very much too.

Yellow Eyes said:

hi all, thanks for taking the time to answer to this thread

on what Callie said, yes, it is true, i can move on tho there is still that small feeling that i will love him god knows until when. and the relationship is working, somehow, i think its just the fact that we're currently apart that's why im going crazy (again) LOL

@ septicemia , no it isnt really an abusive relationship... he's actually looking out for me and stuff.. but yeah, coz my world goes around him, and he knows it, and i do tend to be submissive in a relationship (crap) and thus making me, like what u said, "he's really got me under his thumb"

@ sci fi lol i know what ur talking about rofl, that actually made me laugh, specially the 'heinous' part

@ lonesome crow CANT CANT CANT

@ vanilla cream & evewasframed if any of us figures out this first, please do share it with the rest.

love you guys lots,

yellow eyes x

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There's no way you can figure out how to be more independent while still being with him? I think if the relationship works and you love him and he loves you, it's worth a try.

@Freedom

I think he nailed it right on the head
Love is a connection as far as the human experience tells us, is very hard to break.

I understand. Renae is the love of
my life. I love her and Im always going
to love. Strong strong feeling for her.
Renae loves me too...thats why we try
over and over again.
Ive lived with her and I lived without her.
Got into other reationships..etc..etc.
Im alway going to have tie wiht Renae.
We have a daughter together which
add another factor. My daughter is
a part of Renae.

Whats wroking for me is I stop
resisting not loving her. Just love
her as much as I would and always.
For some reason its giving peace.
I miss her a lot of timeS. Try not
to think or dwell on it too much.
I sieze fighting myself that I love Renae
This is what I also mean by letting go.

Im able to move forward with my life.
with some sort of peace.
Not alot of pains Living without her
hasnt been easy.. .

Life is a Journey. Never know whats
going to happen..Espeailly with Renae.
Maybe someday all our dreams wll come true. Turning it all over and letting all
of this go too..

IgnoredOne said:

Only time and distance.

Falling in love with someone else or something else helps very much too.

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what I like to know is what to do before you find another person?

Being in love with someone is like a drug. When you are separated you go through the withdrawal phase and any contact makes you feel better but also wanting for more. Vicious cycle.

allanh said:

IgnoredOne said:

Only time and distance.

Falling in love with someone else or something else helps very much too.

Click to expand...

what I like to know is what to do before you find another person?

Being in love with someone is like a drug. When you are separated you go through the withdrawal phase and any contact makes you feel better but also wanting for more. Vicious cycle.

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Well, you have access to medical literature. You can find pretty good evidence that it is indeed has such chemical effects.

U dont have to anything before
u ALLOW urself to date other people.

We are prisoners of our own rules.

U can experiment this with
other things. Such as doing something
outragoue that U havnt allow urself to do before. U might notice fear and WHAT WILL OTHER PEOPLE THINK .

ultimately...time is not a factor.
When U get to the piont of allowing
yourself to mke a decision to move
forward..it would be in ur time.
Today...tommorow...or ten years
from now.
This is what is ment by...we live
in moments not time

U can also take an inventory of you life.
At a certain pivetal piont of your life.. You made a decision to live a certain way or set rule for yourself to live by...

Yellow Eyes said:

so, ive been thinking a lot, and i want to get out of this relationship or whatever u wanna call it but the thing is, i have built my world around that guy and I CANNOT LIVE with the fact or idea that we are not together.

so the question is, how do you 'unlove'someone?

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When you develop a strong dignity for yourself and realize that if someone doesn't love you back, you should move on and forget about him.

Falling out of love isn't the best way to move on. Learning to love yourself is.

nerdygirl said:

Learning to love yourself is.

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expert at that...nuff said