I am so glad you asked this and glad that I am not alone.
I am 44 years old I have a bf but not much else (some acquaintances and friends but I am mostly introverted and alone alot).
I can't seem to celebrate my birthday. I feel sad about it and wish I could be normal like everyone else and celebrate but I can't.
I can't because I am afraid if I invite others, they won't care enough about me to even show up. : ( Also, I had one celebration with my family of origin onetime, I walked in in a positive, upbeat mood, hoping they would be different (after all they did show up for my birthday) only to experience the most rude, rejecting behavior ever. It left me in tears and afterwards I cried to a friend that I wanted to slit my wrists. I wasn't actually going to kill myself but the pain was so great that was the immediate feeling. It was horrible.
The thing is, I really love to celebrate. I love to share, talk, laugh, bring a good time to others. I also don't mind sharing others birthdays at all and bringing them good feelings, love, etc...but I can't seem to do it for myself.
I honestly do not know how to break thru this.