so, you don't talk much...

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Haz

Haz

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I got this tonight from a guy I work with.

I didn't know what to say, sort of blurted out something about I just let all you guys do the talking for me, i'm just here to work. Came off kinda lame though, cause I was distracted with some emotional issues i've been trying to resolve, though i've been otherwise happy recently. These young fellas I work with kind of joke around a lot, and are pretty obnoxious and aggressive in language even if they mean well for the most part, but I find it hard to try and engage in group situations with co-workers like this.

Anyway, I just want to shrink in the background and just get my work done. One guy is very bossy, and is pissing me off a bit cause i'm still learning the ropes and he keeps taking over my jobs. He keeps trying to engage me in conversation about stupid honeysuckle, just complaining about everything and everybody, whereas the others sort of don't care too much. I'm sensing a potential for huge conflict, as i'm feeling like the older, responsible one yet i've got to learn off this bozo. Sigh.

Anyway just been feeling very moody and depressed tonight, not entirely related but my first week there was great apart from this. I just keep feeling sore at myself for the way I respond to things, I want to make a good impression but idk how i'm supposed to deal with guys like this without stooping down to the level of talking about drinking every weekend and "your mom" jokes. I was over that in high school.
 
Haz said:
I got this tonight from a guy I work with.

I didn't know what to say, sort of blurted out something about I just let all you guys do the talking for me, i'm just here to work. Came off kinda lame though, cause I was distracted with some emotional issues i've been trying to resolve, though i've been otherwise happy recently. These young fellas I work with kind of joke around a lot, and are pretty obnoxious and aggressive in language even if they mean well for the most part, but I find it hard to try and engage in group situations with co-workers like this.

Anyway, I just want to shrink in the background and just get my work done. One guy is very bossy, and is pissing me off a bit cause i'm still learning the ropes and he keeps taking over my jobs. He keeps trying to engage me in conversation about stupid honeysuckle, just complaining about everything and everybody, whereas the others sort of don't care too much. I'm sensing a potential for huge conflict, as i'm feeling like the older, responsible one yet i've got to learn off this bozo. Sigh.

Anyway just been feeling very moody and depressed tonight, not entirely related but my first week there was great apart from this. I just keep feeling sore at myself for the way I respond to things, I want to make a good impression but idk how i'm supposed to deal with guys like this without stooping down to the level of talking about drinking every weekend and "your mom" jokes. I was over that in high school.
Click to expand...

Popularity seems to be based on the preface of who can stoop to the lowest common denominator.

I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about innane things. I'd rather not talk. When people ask me why I'm quiet, I tell them, "I have nothing of interest to say." It's honest. What I have to say wouldn't engage them, just like what they have to say makes me feel like I've had a full frontal lobotomy.

Don't stoop, I say. Try and meet them half way on some things just to be more personable. I mean, there does have to be give and take, but if you're not interested in everything they say, don't get involved in everything. There does have to be some compromise, though, and I'm sure you know that and have already made some form of compromise. But there is some credibility to the statement that personal life and work life need to be separate. These are your colleagues. Talk about what you can when you're with them, but your social life needs to be cultivated away from them, with people more on your level. That way, you won't be so bothered about these people and maybe you'll relax more rather than worrying about how you're coming across.
 
Smile politely and inform him that you're here to work. Alternatively, accumulate a large list of work-related facts(cooking, chefs, restaurants) to discuss with him until he either actually talks about it and proves useful and interesting or buggers the hell off.
 
I think you should do whatever you feel doing at the moment. Maybe you're feeling down, because you have a new job and the whole environment is different to you. I've been around a lot of jerks and they can respect a person for who he is, if he's open about it.
 
IgnoredOne said:
Smile politely and inform him that you're here to work. Alternatively, accumulate a large list of work-related facts(cooking, chefs, restaurants) to discuss with him until he either actually talks about it and proves useful and interesting or buggers the hell off.
Click to expand...

well, the thing is I can hold a decent conversation with him about this sort of stuff so yeah I guess it's the only option i've got. I like him when he's not being a jerk, and he is always polite when I leave saying thanks for your help etc. but it seems kind of insincere cause he is always complaining about working with idiots and when I made the mistake of putting something in the wrong place tonight he turned it into a big joke when I was out of the room practically screaming "whoever did that is such a retard!!!!!!". I just I happened to walk out and give him a dirty stare and say "well where was it supposed to go then?", he's like "oh yeah it's just an unusual place to put it". I put a fruit salad on the salads trolley instead of the desserts trolley when I left for my break, ffs.

he keeps asking what I did this afternoon and stuff like that, lots of open ended questions to try and probe me. there is something about the guy I just don't like, and one of the other workers there I get along with well flat out warned me about him so idk.

rosebud said:
I think you should do whatever you feel doing at the moment. Maybe you're feeling down, because you have a new job and the whole environment is different to you. I've been around a lot of jerks and they can respect a person for who he is, if he's open about it.
Click to expand...

yeah this is partly it

I want respect, but it's hard to earn it when these immature kids are setting the standard for the place y'know. just makes me rage
 
They're just stupid. You just have to forgive them for being stupid and try to teach them to be better, I guess. You have to understand that in his mind, he's probably not thinking that he's a jerk; you just have to acknowledge that he's an idiot, and find a way to marginalize their annoying behavior until they realize that they have to stop because you're doing so much more/getting paid more/getting kudos from the boss.
 
You are right, Ignored. Thanks once again.

I've been complimented several times on my attitude since i've started working there by the higher ups, just having trouble bringing myself to maintain it. But, I will persevere.
 
Maybe you're subject of the "new guy syndrome". If the man you speak about is there from a long time, he's just frustrated he has to go again through the ropes with the new colleague. At my workplace I often feel frustrated when someone fucks up.
 
Hmm you got a bad feeling bout him AND a warning? Trust your gut and the reinforcement of that gut feeling.
 
Yeah, well Sophia. In any case idk what I can really do with that bad feeling and warning. Just be cautious, I suppose.

rosebud said:
Maybe you're subject of the "new guy syndrome". If the man you speak about is there from a long time, he's just frustrated he has to go again through the ropes with the new colleague. At my workplace I often feel frustrated when someone fucks up.
Click to expand...

Partly, i'm sure.

I always enjoyed teaching new people, it tends to be where I start reinforcing my own way of doing things to near perfection. Some people are just really bad at teaching others, though.
 
Haz said:
Partly, i'm sure.

I always enjoyed teaching new people, it tends to be where I start reinforcing my own way of doing things to near perfection. Some people are just really bad at teaching others, though.
Click to expand...


Yeah, maybe, but your coworker does sound like a jerk. I mean, not only is he being mean about things, but he's clearly not controlling his attitude. I don't know if he's really just an ******* or not, but he does certianly seem to act like it in the examples you put up!

Your tolerance is admirable. You seem like you're doing better overall in self-esteem and everything.
 
Wow, you sound like me a few years ago when I had a job. lol Anyway, I never could understand why all my co-workers wanted to hang out with each other and talk about work? I could care less what they had to say! I always had friends outside of work. I never hung out with my co-workers. I just wanted to go to work and get my work done and go home. My co-workers used to talk about how they did this and that the previous weekend together and I was never impressed. Or they would talk about going to the bar after work. I know that it is cool to have cohesion with your co-workers, but a lot of times that leads to them asking you personal questions and getting in your business. I never played where I worked. So, I totally understand where you are coming from and I know how annoying that is especially when you are working and having to deal with immature people. Hang in there!
 
When I meet a friend from the past the conversation is well on top and we understand each other fully. When I sometimes meet people outside my circle of friends it seems that I can't make much sense of the information crossed. Thats because I mention here that I have done so much in my life and reached a point of never going back, so when i talk to to a stranger i revert to something that's on their level at that time.
 

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