just a question ..

well, i was hoping someone could shed some insight on my behaviours..

firstly, i used to be a very very shy boy...
but as things turned out, i've become the supervisor of the photography department in my store, after some years...

obviously i have had to become outgoing to reach the customers, and to have a strong voice to ensure satisfaction and complete my job.

however, none of that helped me to find anyone more than an acquaintance during my last few years of high school.

now i am stuck here, spending every night alone, still unable to find anyone i can call a friend.

considering i am the supervisor, i even have employees that work under me that i have to train, and angry people to deal with. this involves a good portion of leadership, and i can handle all the interaction with ease...

But why is it that i can't connect to anyone? Why is my life so quiet?
Why do I feel an attraction to both destruction and blood, yet at the same time, tranquility and beauty?

It shows in my music taste, as well as the programs i watch at night.
Usually i'm grimly content with it all, but sometimes i feel as if i could just leave the house, and wander away and never come back, and eventually collapse, lost to everyone, and it would take days for even my parents to notice.

I have some quality, loving friends that take away these feelings from me, but they live far away. I hope to move there during this coming summer, so i'm not without hope.. i'm just trying to learn more about myself, since there's nobody here to tell me, anymore. why am i like this?

Hi there, I use to work at a pizza take away and after a bit the boss there use to go away and leave me for two weeks at a time. He was out of the country 26 weeks of the year. I was left alone to keep the shop working in that time. Amongst my jobs I had to do I also had two drives under me and let me tell you there is nothing weirs then drunk and hungry customs.

I use to deal with the drives and customers fine and got on with most customers and the drives respected me and my decisions even tho I was a lot younger then them. But the same as you when the shift had ended and ad chased up and went home for the night I was all alone.

There's a weird transaction that takes place. For me a soon as I opened the shop I would be different. And then as soon as am home I would change again. I fined it easy to deal with customers and the two drivers and get replacement drivers then deal with my personal life.

Its like at work its obvious what had to be done. But the lonely thing and a feeling that am different to most inside is not an obvious thing to deal with. If only it was as simple as dealing with a driver that's late in. Are a customer that got no money even tho he ordered the food but is to drunk to remember. All tho that's a problem at the time its not nearly as much as a problem as feeling in sighed that you don't connect to anyone. That's a problem that's not so obvious to deal with.

business & personal relationships r 2 totally different animals. theres no intimacy @ work...okay well there shouldnt b LoL
so u have these 2 different worlds where things work very different alot of ppl r like this. operate okay @ work. but nowhere in life that involves emotions/intimacy
about liking polar opposites though...ur young. give it some more time. have patience w/urself. ur mind is probably just on a crossroads deciding what it wants 4 itself
basically the old fight of good vs bad
healthy vs unhealthy
y cant u connect 2 any1?... look 2 ur past 4 those answers
& btw dont rely on this potential move 2 fix all these problems. ull set urself up 4 whats probably going 2b a disappointment. problems will only drag along w/u
have 2 keep asking urself y. & hopefully finding answers

well i moved here when i was 12, and i've always wanted to go back, so it was the initial move in the first place that caused all these problems and caused me to change like this. . .

so i'm hoping moving back home will fix it

sometimes we find out that "home" isnt the way we left it. or that weve changed so much it doesnt look the same 2 us anymore. hope it works out 4u. but b prepared that this move might not fix things like ur hoping

every time i visit home during summer, everything seems exactly as I left it, and i feel welcomed, and like everything is okay, and i'm happy again for the most part..

so i hope it fixes it forever, otherwise i'll be stuck with these feelings

i hope it does 2. but if it doesnt that doesnt mean ull b stuck w/those feelings. theres other ways 2 work things out
but lets hope it works