Lonerism

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
I

InVein

Guest
Im fed up of being so shy =[ Theres just one person i talk to and thats it, litreally. I would love to make new friends but i hard it hard to communicate with people i dont know, which is basically everyone. Ive started working on it- smiling at random people for example but even this is hard for me and somedays i just want to give up and crawl inside myself =[
Anyone got any advice? I would love to hear it =]]]
Thanks alot,
InVein
 
I used to talk to one person online, he is my best friend. But now he is too busy with work, uni and his girlfriend, so we talk like once a week at most... I never had anyone I could talk to (just for the fun of chatting) in real life. I only have short, formal conversations with other people, and this happens very rarely. I don't know anything about the world of interpersonal relationships, where someone talks to you not because they have to, but because they like to.
 
Well at least once a week is better than nothing, then again..
I hate it when people you love pull away from you, it hurts so bad. =[
Sometimes i think it would be better not to have known them at all beacuse then it would hurt less.
 
InVein said:
Im fed up of being so shy =[ Theres just one person i talk to and thats it, litreally. I would love to make new friends but i hard it hard to communicate with people i dont know, which is basically everyone. Ive started working on it- smiling at random people for example but even this is hard for me and somedays i just want to give up and crawl inside myself =[
Anyone got any advice? I would love to hear it =]]]
Thanks alot,
InVein
I know exactly how you feel. I find it very uncomfortable to talk to anyone I don't know. And I tried that smiling thing once but it makes my face twitch if I try to smile and I don't mean it lol... probably a side effect of never smiling I guess...
My only advice (if you can call it that) is to try counselling (group maybe) or pills. Or both. I'm trying those right now but I won't expect any meaningful results for a few months at least.
 
InVein said:
Im fed up of being so shy =[ Theres just one person i talk to and thats it, litreally. I would love to make new friends but i hard it hard to communicate with people i dont know, which is basically everyone. Ive started working on it- smiling at random people for example but even this is hard for me and somedays i just want to give up and crawl inside myself =[
Anyone got any advice? I would love to hear it =]]]
Thanks alot,
InVein

Hi InVein, I know what you mean. I am still shy but used to be a lot more so. It's hard for me to talk to people I don't know. I think you have to work your way up to it. Like you said you already started smiling at random people. After that try asking a total stranger for the time. Do that a few times. Once you feel comfortable enough to just say one sentence, than try making a simple comment to a total stranger next time, like about the weather or something. There are some who think you just have to immerse yourself in social situations, but believe me for someone who is shy that will do more hard than good. I think once you find a common interest with someone it is easier to talk to them.

I don't know about you but for me writing has always been easier than talking. So over the years I found a lot of online penpals to write to. This way I could delete or change things before sending the email. Then I'd work my way up to IM conversations. There are no fast solutions, you just have to work your way up. Despite the desire to crawl inside yourself, you can not give up.
 
I tried that before. Talking to random strangers. After a couple of totally horrible experience (blatant hostility) I became even more closed up than I have been before.
 
InVein said:
I hate it when people you love pull away from you, it hurts so bad. =[
Sometimes i think it would be better not to have known them at all beacuse then it would hurt less.
That's true... I had a few horrible experience with online girlfriends... sometimes I actually feel happy because I am lonely, because when I am exposed to the human world (which happens rarely), my head spins from all the snakiness. All those jabs, hints, games. I notice them, even though I don't say anything. It makes me happy that I don't have to deal with that... But it's still.. lonely.
 
mimizu said:
I tried that before. Talking to random strangers. After a couple of totally horrible experience (blatant hostility) I became even more closed up than I have been before.

Sorry that hasn't gone well for you, mimizu :(
 
InVein said:
Im fed up of being so shy =[ Theres just one person i talk to and thats it, litreally. I would love to make new friends but i hard it hard to communicate with people i dont know, which is basically everyone. Ive started working on it- smiling at random people for example but even this is hard for me and somedays i just want to give up and crawl inside myself =[
Anyone got any advice? I would love to hear it =]]]
Thanks alot,
InVein

I smile at random people too lol and well it didn't go well :rolleyes:
In fact, strangers would stare at me if i smile (as if i was crazy), even if i'm just smiling to myself. Lol..they seem to have a problem with smiley people *shrugs* but it always feels good to smile at someone wishing that it'd make them feel good in a way. It's even better when they smile back. They make you feel good. :)
I got no better advice now. So, well, keep on smiling, though i know sometimes it's hard to do so during the down times. It's good enough when things are rough and you're still able to smile.
Hope things will be better for you soon ;)
 
=] Its nice to know other people feel the same as me. Thanks for all the advice, I dont think drugs are a good solution though- are there drugs to make you more outgoing? If there are, mabye that is a good idea! I havnt had any bad expericences with the smiling thing yet, but its early days. Asking people for the time also sounds goo, i may try that next time i venture outside..
 
mimizu said:
I don't know anything about the world of interpersonal relationships, where someone talks to you not because they have to, but because they like to.

I get lots of this directed my way... I've been told many times by a wide range of people that I am a good listener... I just find it easier to sit and listen and don't mind contributing at points in the conversation where the person asks a question or seems to be seeking for input. I'm not talkative at all though... Who is there to listen to the guy who always listens? As long as they don't go into praising themselves I don't mind being there to listen... if a conversation hits a point where they are talking about how great they are or whatever I turn without a word and walk away. Only a couple people have done this... immodesty is a huge pet peeve of mine. If you ever catch me praising myself please, I beg of you, give me a slap to level me out again!

Lonerism... I like that word... I like adding -ism, -ics, -ness, -ly, -ity, and other word endings to words where they don't belong for fun sometimes... lonerismnessiosity
 
InVein said:
=] Its nice to know other people feel the same as me. Thanks for all the advice, I dont think drugs are a good solution though- are there drugs to make you more outgoing? If there are, mabye that is a good idea! I havnt had any bad expericences with the smiling thing yet, but its early days. Asking people for the time also sounds goo, i may try that next time i venture outside..


Yes, there really is medication (im not sure if that sounds better than calling it drugs eh?) which can be given to help with shyness. It's not really made for that purpose, but here in my country, it's given by Dr's to help 'extremely' shy people, and also those with mild depression. Its called 'cipramil', i think thats how its spelt.

I had a good friend (a girl, would you believe it? well really she was a relative ;) so i dont get popularity bonus points there i suppose), and she took them for a long time. They did help, not to actually get past shyness, but to just have a little less of the huge anxiety attached to it.

Also, yep, i get shy too, but not in a way that normally holds me back from talking. I just don't feel well, 'worthy' of other peoples attention :shy: so it makes it hard to keep a chat going.

I find it easy online, but in real life, its so different eh?

I hope all you extraodinarely shy people find a way to get past it some time, i do remember i couldnt talk to anybody back in school. Then, it just changed in me at about 14. I dont remember doing anything, i just became more confident in company. Hope that happens to others (whatever your ages may be). :)
 
That's me, but I'm adjusting to all this. Maybe first try see yourself where you are as perfectly fine (it is, who defines what's good and bad anyway?). What you need to change is your attitude towards everything. I know what you're going through because I'm trying just like you but sometimes I wish I could stop trying. That's where the problem lies. You need to boost your confidence. It's working for me now. Although I still wish I could go out with new people more I'm beginnin to see myself as an okay person. A good start.
 
Im too insecure to start a conversation, but when someone starts talking to me I can go off on a tangent. I dont like walking up to new people and possibly looking like an ass, the probability that I'll make a fool of myself is too much, at least if they start the conversation I kinda feel like they want to hear me. I am in a relationship but Im too much of a coward to stand up and act like it (Im a 16year old, 6ft, well built guy amd Im scared of stupid things....boy am I manly....the fact that Im currently listening to Pink on my ipod probably doesnt help either XD)

There are people I can hang out and talk with at my school, but I feel as if that is all they are interested in, once school's out they go their separate ways and have fun, I go home or roam downtown alone...Im about ready to pack up and see how far my $ stash will take me. I would aim for Canada but who knows...lol
 
I've tried talking to random people a few times ussally doesn't really get anywhere, I'm always so afraid they think I'm somekind of psyco freak and just want me to go away.

i hope I'm not somekind of psyco freak

people at school i occasionally chat with, at the most i think they just find me tolerable, and humor me when i want to say something.

I never know if they're just really good at acting interested or caring, I'm often very naive too. I wish i wasn't
 
Yeah, evanescencefan, I always fear people thinking that I'm a psycho weirdo. Funny thing is, I become a psycho weirdo when I try to talk to people. I think the only honestly relaxed conversations I've ever had have been a) in my head, b) drunk or high. It's hilarious and embarrassing looking back now, but if someone approaches me and I'm not expecting it, I get really tongue tied and start stuttering really bad. Then I have a really nervous laugh. And I can never really find a subject to talk about, except school, the weather, the weekend, or some newsworthy thing happening. It's kinda a vicious cycle for me. The problem is, I always tend to commit more than the other person. However, I'm really terrible with names, which has been an issue in the past, lol. There's only so many times you can say "dude" or "heeeeeey! how are you buddy?"
 
If you are in school, you could always ask your classmates about the next homework/test. Or the most recent test/homework.

And if its very boring, ask your classmates "Don't you find this class boring?"
 
I'm not really shy when talking to one person but I never know what to talk about, there's nothing to talk about, I dont have a exciting life with stories to tell. I could tell them about stuff I'm into like digital art stuff, but when I did that once it was like they didn't really care and were just like "yea thats cool" whatever.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top