My depression just seems to happen.

It seems like no matter what anyone says, what I read, what I think, what I say... my depression just persists. Day after day. Year after year. I've been living alone for about three years, no friends, hardly any family that gives a ****, I'm just living from one disability check to another. I decided not to even go to college this fall. Yeah, that's a $1k-2k check I'm missing out on, but I just don't care.

I've concluded that my depression was caused by my parents abusing and neglecting me throughout my childhood. That my lack of social skills and symptoms of autism, ADHD, and learning disabilities could be contributing to my depression.

But it seems like I just cannot motivate myself to get better. I stopped taking antidepressant medications a few months ago (still taking Concerta, about to kick that). It seems like the mental bleeding just will not stop no matter what I do.

Even menial things like going grocery shopping and going to the doctor is getting difficult. My body just feels heavy and cumbersome. It feels like my soul is like like a living vegetable. I'm just so filled up with anger and bitterness for everything. Thinking positive now will make me feel like a tricked fool later on. No one cares about me, what I like, or anything.

I feel so much frustration at this world, it seems like humanity just sinks lower and lower by each passing day. Where's the progression? I thought things were going to get better goddamn it! We were promised this over and over again, reduced poverty, reduced crime, higher education rates, more opportunities, this and that. I feel all of the world's rulers are nothing more than sociopaths just cold and calculating so that they have the maximum gain for themselves and the minimum gain for everyone else. Disgusting. I hate humanity. I hate it with all my heart. I hope it all ends someday so that the beautiful Earth can restore itself and prosper for the rest of its life. Humans are the lowliest creatures on Earth, period. Even the simplest microorganism has more value to this planet than a single human ever had. The human element is the most harmful known element to Earth.

They say money is the root/seed of all evil. I would add "Ignorance is the soil of evil." to that as well. Plant the seed of money into the soil of ignorance, and what do you get? A perpetually consuming and destructive plant of evil, homo sapien, mankind! Welcome to Hell!

I don't know how good my advice is, but I thinkyou need to Vent, IRL

Also it's the love of money that is the root of all evil.

Yes, I am usually like that. Depression is just that unfortunately.

You need to continue your medication, it is of the utmost importance. I took medication for depression too and when you just stop using it, you go downhill days afterward.

What is past is past, we have to continue moving forward. Some days I feel like not doing anything, but the best thing we can do is doing something, anything. It's complicated to explain depression, but I'm sure you understand.

Most of my childhood I was depressed, I never talked, and when I did I just fumbled. I believe that is one of the reasons why I never made friends.

After months on medication, exercise, change in physical shape (and health), and more I now am able to talk to others everytime I go out; I am not afraid to speak out. Sure, I'm depressed at days, but I keep doing the best I can.

I also understand what you mean, feeling like a vegetable. I can't stop thinking of other 15-year olds going out with friends tonight and me staying home right now. You feel empty, like your not there. Like everything else is just an illusion, your not full, your numb.

We do the best we can. Just don't give up .

Ak5 said:

Yes, I am usually like that. Depression is just that unfortunately.

You need to continue your medication, it is of the utmost importance. I took medication for depression too and when you just stop using it, you go downhill days afterward.

What is past is past, we have to continue moving forward. Some days I feel like not doing anything, but the best thing we can do is doing something, anything. It's complicated to explain depression, but I'm sure you understand.

Most of my childhood I was depressed, I never talked, and when I did I just fumbled. I believe that is one of the reasons why I never made friends.

After months on medication, exercise, change in physical shape (and health), and more I now am able to talk to others everytime I go out; I am not afraid to speak out. Sure, I'm depressed at days, but I keep doing the best I can.

I also understand what you mean, feeling like a vegetable. I can't stop thinking of other 15-year olds going out with friends tonight and me staying home right now. You feel empty, like your not there. Like everything else is just an illusion, your not full, your numb.

We do the best we can. Just don't give up .

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I quit the medication because I didn't think it worked. I gained over 100 pounds in about a year after I started taking antidepressants. More harm than good came out of them, I believe. I've tried several kinds: Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Serequel, etc. None of them seemed to do a **** thing, but make you dependent on them, reduce your sexual functions, and worse of all... destroy your metabolism!

Way to go pharmaceutical corporations, for putting profits WAY over the health of those you were expected to treat with your dubious products with effects ranging from placebo to deadly! And congratulations to the FDA for being so damned spineless! Ignorance has prevailed once again!