when others stop reaching out

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C

cklove

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What do you do when the other friend or potential friend stops reaching out ( writing phoning) without an explanation No fight no argument no reason.


When another person stops communicating with me , I feel like i want an answer or explanation as to why. I'm left wondering what the hell happened. Especially when others ask me What happened to so and so ? How are they doing? Do you still talk to them? Than i don't know what to say I feel like somethings wrong with me.



Why can't I just let it be? Even if I'm not hurt or sad, I still wonder once in a while as to what happened.

Has this happened to anyone here? Did you ask them what's up or did you just go on your way try to forget about it?
 
It has happened to me also, but what I have worked out is that in your life, friends will come and friends will go. There are probably many different reasons for friends drifting away. I have recently lost a friend that I had for twenty years. I tried to keep in touch, but my friend hasn't responded, so there's really not much that I can do about it, just accept it and let it go.
 
Well...what i did was i asked and asked. And there was no answer at all so i left too. The questions do come back to mind sometimes but when you leave it, it means you let go of it too and in time, you just forget about it. Can't make someone like you or be your friend if they just don't want to. No point in keeping yourself in a type of situation where the other party isn't willing to be in it with you.
I don't think there's any harm in asking though. :)
 
yep. this has happened 2 me2. & i did ask b4. but ppl just usually evade so now i know better 2 just leave it alone. what i always say 2 myself is. thats its good they left. bcuz if they were that rude 2 just stop communication w/o an xplaination/goodbye then theyre not the type of person i really want 2 b communicating w/ in the 1st place
 
Thanks everyone for your responses.

I guess I have a lesson to learn in letting go.

I can forgive and I'm sure I can let go but, I always wonder , here and there , once in awhile , for no particular reason , why?

Why did they stop trying to know me?

Lose interest?

Maybe we are with people to learn something and when there's nothing left to learn you move on.

Thanks again
 
cklove said:
Maybe we are with people to learn something and when there's nothing left to learn you move on.
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u know. i honestly believe this. & hell those ppl u knew 4 a few weeks who suddenly disconnect r way easier 2 deal with than those ppl u know 4 yrs who do it
sometimes i just think most ppl r really cold. i could never b that way
 
cklove said:
I can forgive and I'm sure I can let go but, I always wonder , here and there , once in awhile , for no particular reason , why?

Why did they stop trying to know me?

Lose interest?
Click to expand...

These are good questions. I've asked myself the same types of questions. The subject of these posts resonates deeply with my own recent experiences of loss and rejection by others. I am back down to zero friends to talk to (again).

My conclusion is that it is a matter of the heart. I am still trying to find my own heart, but I have come to realize that one's heart has multiple competing interests.

It really doesn't matter what the mind thinks, ultimately the motivations and energy to take action in life come from the heart, even when it runs against the grain of common sense and socially acceptable norms of behavior.

I don't think there is a rational answer to these questions, but they are good questions.
 
cklove said:
What do you do when the other friend or potential friend stops reaching out ( writing phoning) without an explanation No fight no argument no reason.


When another person stops communicating with me , I feel like i want an answer or explanation as to why. I'm left wondering what the hell happened. Especially when others ask me What happened to so and so ? How are they doing? Do you still talk to them? Than i don't know what to say I feel like somethings wrong with me.


Why can't I just let it be? Even if I'm not hurt or sad, I still wonder once in a while as to what happened.

Has this happened to anyone here? Did you ask them what's up or did you just go on your way try to forget about it?
Click to expand...

Did you ever think that maybe there's something wrong with them? Why do people automatically blame themselves? You didn't stop communicating..they did.
 
I experienced that sort of thing, more than once too. First time it was in high school, there was that new girl who came from another school. No one liked her at first as she was something like what "normal" crowd considers "weird". Well, I always find "weird" folks far more interesting that the so-called "normal" ones. So the long story short I befriended her and we had been best friends for about two years, maybe a little less. During that time she gradually became more popular and finally just sorta stopped associating with me. By that time, I'd say I was simply not cool enough for her, she'd found another, more popular friend and pretty much stopped talking to me altogether. Yes, I felt betrayed, especially because I'm "close friendship" sort of person and basically never have more than one friend at a time, but I let go. You can't force someone to be your friend if they don't feel like it. I understand all too well how you feel. It sucks. But it's more than likely not your fault at all. I'd say, just remember whatever best moments you shared and what you learned from each other - every friend happened in your life for a reason. Eventually, you're going to find others (even if you don't think it's likely to happen). I found a new friend when I least expected it and, actually, through this forum.
 
What do you do when the other friend or potential friend stops reaching out ( writing phoning) without an explanation No fight no argument no reason.


When another person stops communicating with me , I feel like i want an answer or explanation as to why. I'm left wondering what the hell happened. Especially when others ask me What happened to so and so ? How are they doing? Do you still talk to them? Than i don't know what to say I feel like somethings wrong with me.



Why can't I just let it be? Even if I'm not hurt or sad, I still wonder once in a while as to what happened.

Has this happened to anyone here? Did you ask them what's up or did you just go on your way try to forget about it?
Click to expand...

oh God! this happens to me so much, it hurts just reading these posts

:(

I think i told tennis girl about this. But I'm just like a freakin stuick of deoderant

when i went into highschool there were many people who didbn't know me and were really interested in being my friend. I was fresh and new with a beautifully infigorating scent, So I was really excited and happy but kinda nervous. because friends had left me before, and i told them about that and I was hesitant to let myself get close. But they said they would never leave me and that they loved me.
They lied, they always lie.

Why is it so hard for me to see the truth, saying those things means nothing to them because they say it to everyone.

so for a few years we had a nice close knit group, but after years of being rubbed under peoples under arms. I was old cacked, with no scent and covered in armpit hairs. They throw me away and get a new deoderant. people get bored of me i think.

But this is what really sucks, i had a friend that i knewsince i was 8 and we were really close but about 6 months ago she just stopped talking to me. She wouldn't invie me over and she would ditch out whenever i tired to hang out. About a month ago i just got up the courage to knock and the door and ask what the hell I even apologised for whatever i did. She said we were still cool, and still friends. I haven't heard from her since, and I tried asking to go to a movie and she just declined. Every friendship I've ever had has ended like this. It has to be me, and I don't know why. I probably start to get to close and it freaks them out.

I keep thinking about college and how this is just going to happen again, I'll meet new people and make new friends and be happy for a while, but then they'll drop me for some reason, and I'll spend a year and 1/2 being depressed and feeling sorry for myself again.

maybe i just look for too much meaning in things. When i make a good friend I don't want to just hang out for a year then forget a bout each other. I want a friend that I've known since highschool a friend with history..wait that sounds bad but you know what I mean like jd and turk.

By the way what the heck is up with boyfriends always cheeting on the girlfriends best friend and vice versa. I'm sorry thats a little off subject, but it's not insanly uncommon. Dude iif i actually found a guy that i could be with and that happended I would be so mad, i'd probably go homicidal pyscho, or something. I doubt i wouldn't talk to ether of them, definitly break up. and if the friend wanted to still be friends they would have to cry and pay me like 500 bucks then be really reaally great friends until i finally forgot about the bitterness, and then we'd be good.

I mean i've never done anything like that and I still can't keep friends, and that can happen and they'll just be like oh well lalalalalaa, then probably just have threesome

I hate people

sorry for the rant but it felt good to get some of these thought out.
 
evanescencefan91 said:
oh God! this happens to me so much, it hurts just reading these posts

:(
Click to expand...
Aww, I'm sorry that it has happened to you a lot of times before :( *hugs*
It's awful really to go through such things in life..I mean especially when you really see a friend as someone meaningful in your life.

evanescencefan91 said:
Why is it so hard for me to see the truth, saying those things means nothing to them because they say it to everyone.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I think this is quite true also with the people I meet. They say a lot of the normal nice things people would say but you can actually tell they're just saying those things for the sake of being nice or just saying it but in reality, they don't really care at all. *shrugs* I could never understand why people are this way though. It would rather be better if most of them who do this do not pretend...hurts the receiver if the receiver can't see their true colours and to find out later on.

evanescencefan91 said:
people get bored of me i think.
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I'm sorry if people think this way about you.. but seriously? I've been reading a lot of your posts around here, nothing boring about you. People just don't know how to appreciate the good things in life and always want more. When they want more, they tend to scrap what they already have.
I have been told by a friend how boring I am lol. And it wasn't even in a joking manner. Ouch, but who cares? Some people may find me boring, some actually find me okay so it differs.

evanescencefan91 said:
But this is what really sucks, i had a friend that i knewsince i was 8 and we were really close but about 6 months ago she just stopped talking to me. She wouldn't invie me over and she would ditch out whenever i tired to hang out. About a month ago i just got up the courage to knock and the door and ask what the hell I even apologised for whatever i did. She said we were still cool, and still friends. I haven't heard from her since, and I tried asking to go to a movie and she just declined. Every friendship I've ever had has ended like this. It has to be me, and I don't know why. I probably start to get to close and it freaks them out.
Click to expand...
Have you noticed her hanging around with someone else a lot more often? Perhaps she may have found another friend she preferred to stick with. Although it is quite inconsiderate and selfish of her to push you aside totally. And if it's that obvious to you and her that she's spending less time with you, the least she could do is let you know what's up.

evanescencefan91 said:
I keep thinking about college and how this is just going to happen again, I'll meet new people and make new friends and be happy for a while, but then they'll drop me for some reason, and I'll spend a year and 1/2 being depressed and feeling sorry for myself again.
Click to expand...
Despite the depressing college stories I've heard from here and around everywhere else, there's always some bit of it that's good. At least. Even if it's for awhile, you can take that bit of memory with you just to be glad that at least it wasn't so bad. I really hope college life will at least be tolerable for you, if not better :)

evanescencefan91 said:
maybe i just look for too much meaning in things. When i make a good friend I don't want to just hang out for a year then forget a bout each other.
Click to expand...
Well I believe that things happen for a reason. People come into my life for a reason. And they leave me for a reason. Whether the reasons are good or bad, most time I think it's for my best.

evanescencefan91 said:
By the way what the heck is up with boyfriends always cheeting on the girlfriends best friend and vice versa. I'm sorry thats a little off subject, but it's not insanly uncommon.
Click to expand...
Right, this is quite common. But I really have got no comments on this one lol..

evanescencefan91 said:
I hate people
Click to expand...
Sometimes I dislike people too. But I don't hate them really. It takes too much of me inside to come up with hatred..too draining for me. I just try to concentrate on what's good most times.

evanescencefan91 said:
sorry for the rant but it felt good to get some of these thought out.
Click to expand...
I don't think anyone should be sorry for ranting :D
I mean if it helps to make you feel better, then that's good.

Well regarding friends and when others stop reaching out, it has happened quite a lot to me too. And then I just leave them be. Used to bother me but I've let that go. It depresses me too much to keep asking why and figuring out why. I guess that's just how people are and I'll accept it as that. Seldom we can find one who's truly a good friend, though I'm always ready to be one to someone. *shrugs*

Lmao look at what I did to your post disecting it :D
I guess I'm in this mood right now lol :D
 
Basically if you walk away from others when they may need you most. Even if it is them that stops calling. If you exerience the same and actually need people. Don't expect anyone to be there. Because they will just write you off too. It's just the golden rule. What goes around comes around.

Well from my experience, when I disconnect with people it's because I am going into free fall. Which generally means I need people more then ever. It could be many things, which you will never know unless you ask. Maybe they are just to busy, or maybe they don't feel worth your friendship.

Getting revenge on others by saying to just move on and abandon them can be a form of revenge on others. Only with how the world works, it's really revenge on ones self. I think we should all have the golden rule tattooed on our forheads at birth.
 
evanescencefan91 said:
so for a few years we had a nice close knit group, but after years of being rubbed under peoples under arms. I was old cacked, with no scent and covered in armpit hairs. They throw me away and get a new deoderant. people get bored of me i think.
Click to expand...

Thats a really disgusting anology.
Besides that I dont think your boring, whenever im feeling down or am bored I just go to the hug section and you keep me entertained.
Click to expand...
 
Hi cklove,

First: I'm sorry this has happened; it's certainly painful when distance/absence develops in what was once a friendship.

Have you tried emailing/phoning your friend with a neutral sounding message, aka,

"haven't heard from you in a while and hope all's well. Would like to catch up."

Sometimes people are just going through a lot and feel like they can't deal with other aspects of their life, even though they still care.

And, yes, sometimes friendships just fall apart for seemingly no reason.

Take care
 
thankyou for the kind words mink, what you say is really true

darned reality

*sigh*
 

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