feeling like a disappointment

i'm in a relationship.. i am happy yes; but lately it feels like i'm failing my boyfriend as a girlfriend.. he says i'm perfect but he talks about his dream girl when he was younger and the oher girlfriends he's had... i feel like i don't deserve him cos it's like i can never amount to his past girlfriends.... i don't know how to deal with it anymore. i want to be strong and fight these feelings i've been getting lately. apart from that he seems so perfect and i wish i could be perfect like him......

tashar_boo said:

he talks about his dream girl when he was younger and the oher girlfriends he's had

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he shouldnt b doing this
maybe try talking 2 him & telling him how much its upsetting u

tashar_boo said:

i'm in a relationship.. i am happy yes; but lately it feels like i'm failing my boyfriend as a girlfriend.. he says i'm perfect but he talks about his dream girl when he was younger and the oher girlfriends he's had... i feel like i don't deserve him cos it's like i can never amount to his past girlfriends.... i don't know how to deal with it anymore. i want to be strong and fight these feelings i've been getting lately. apart from that he seems so perfect and i wish i could be perfect like him......

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I think he has unrealistic expectations. Don't be deceived - I don't think anyone, if they were honest, would agree with the fact that they are perfect. As I age, I find more imperfections in myself. As much as it feels good to think that one is perfect, it is probably better to give him a dose of reality and let this one go. No relationship can last if it is based on the unattainable ideal of perfection. No relationship is healthy if one or both are trying to be perfect. The standard of perfection, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You will drive yourself nuts if you try to pursue it - you have to be always changing in order to remain perfect. Its like balancing an upsidedown pyramid on your head (point in contact with head).

BTW, I have read that all males build an image of the perfect woman (to worship) over the course of their life and spend their whole life trying to find this ideal woman. This may be the reason why many males aren't able to commit to a lifelong relationship with one woman - as soon as they find someone who better matches their image of a perfect woman, they drop everything else and go chasing after it.

All the wonderful multimedia communications of our day have simply accelerated the process - when a male sees something better, he simply enhances his concept of the perfect woman and starts seeking out a revised version of perfection. Back in the day when there was no TV, Internet, Cell Phones, cars, etc, any woman would look good to a farmer after he spent all day looking at the south end of a mule going north.

NewBirth said:

tashar_boo said:

he talks about his dream girl when he was younger and the oher girlfriends he's had

Click to expand...

he shouldnt b doing this
maybe try talking 2 him & telling him how much its upsetting u

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NewBirth is right, he shouldn't be doing this. It makes for a very unhealthy relationship. Yes, talk to him, tell him how it is affecting you, no one in the world is perfect, we all have our faults and little quirks.

I've gotta agree with newbirth on this one. That's some insensitive stuff there, and it is revealing.

Yup, he shouldn't be doing that unless you ask him voluntarily to. Just not right. But talking to him about it too should help to resolve any misunderstanding here. Hope it works out fine.

I wish I could find my perfect woman... :_(

she sounds like a cruel self absorbed person 2 me cosmic. r u saying ur even worse than that??

HaoShe said:

tashar_boo said:

i'm in a relationship.. i am happy yes; but lately it feels like i'm failing my boyfriend as a girlfriend.. he says i'm perfect but he talks about his dream girl when he was younger and the oher girlfriends he's had... i feel like i don't deserve him cos it's like i can never amount to his past girlfriends.... i don't know how to deal with it anymore. i want to be strong and fight these feelings i've been getting lately. apart from that he seems so perfect and i wish i could be perfect like him......

Click to expand...

I think he has unrealistic expectations. Don't be deceived - I don't think anyone, if they were honest, would agree with the fact that they are perfect. As I age, I find more imperfections in myself. As much as it feels good to think that one is perfect, it is probably better to give him a dose of reality and let this one go. No relationship can last if it is based on the unattainable ideal of perfection. No relationship is healthy if one or both are trying to be perfect. The standard of perfection, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You will drive yourself nuts if you try to pursue it - you have to be always changing in order to remain perfect. Its like balancing an upsidedown pyramid on your head (point in contact with head).

BTW, I have read that all males build an image of the perfect woman (to worship) over the course of their life and spend their whole life trying to find this ideal woman. This may be the reason why many males aren't able to commit to a lifelong relationship with one woman - as soon as they find someone who better matches their image of a perfect woman, they drop everything else and go chasing after it.

All the wonderful multimedia communications of our day have simply accelerated the process - when a male sees something better, he simply enhances his concept of the perfect woman and starts seeking out a revised version of perfection. Back in the day when there was no TV, Internet, Cell Phones, cars, etc, any woman would look good to a farmer after he spent all day looking at the south end of a mule going north.

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LMAO! Funny!

I agree, he's having too high expectations. Have dignity, don't go to great lengths to please him

How can someone be in a serious rel. with you and say these things? Do you believe what he is saying?
This is disrespectful and if you stay in this kind of a rel. you are disrespecting yourself. It's going to deplete your self-esteem. Definitely tell this guy how his behavior is not cool and how it hurts your feelings. love yourself enough to tell him to step it up or take a hike.
If you don't who will?

Cosmic Kid said:

NewBirth said:

she sounds like a cruel self absorbed person 2 me cosmic. r u saying ur even worse than that??

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She is cruel, and sel absorbed, but also extremely charming and charismatic. She attracts people, and makes friends so easily. Those are the things that made her seem so "perfect" to me (not the 1st 2 things, lol) , and that I wasn't good enough for her. I think she felt the same way, (well, there's no think to it, she flat out told me so! lol) and for the same reasons, that I have a hard time connecting w/ people, and I was nothing w/out her because of this (this "clearing of the air" was all toward the end, as you can imagine).

I really did not have a comeback, we both knew she was right. She's very charming. I'm rough around the edges. (A diamond in the rough, as my Dad used to say).

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rough around the edges. but @ least ur genuine. when i hear the word "charming" i always thinks of sociopaths serial killers and madmen
what it looks like from over here is that she was the 1 who was never good enough
shrugs
ive always found when ppl have 2 challenge my worth that its bcuz they couldnt really control me like they 1st thought they might b able 2. & their own self worth is as low as dog crap