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Lost Soul

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Prepare for a long post...

I join POF, over a year ago, but hardly signed in, until last month, where I would sign in a few times a day, becuase I was desperate to find someone in my area. The reason, why I hardly signed in before, was becuase I lost all hopes, then I gained hope again.


I finally got the courage to send a message to about 20, maybe 30 people, only 1 wrote back and the one who replied back was one of those I'd least expect to get a reply. I was emailing hugmonster1, but the conversation didn't really go anywhere, even though we've talked for days. Most of the things I said, she didn't get, and I had to keep clearifying her on what I meant about things. She seems understanding (to some degree) about a few things, she is one of those people, who dosen''t get scared and backs away from things easily, even if you mention things that were a bit awkward. I was really hoping, I'd get to meet her and maybe become friends, even though she was only looking for dating.

I told her that I may also look for dating after I get to know the person and that I wasn't the type to go instant dating without becoming friends first. I took the conversation too far, mentioning things I shouldn't have, such as I'm lonely and I used to be suicidel (this was after a few days of talking, and I thought that since I mentioned enough already, why not through that in there). I was dumb for even bringing that up, becuase that in no way needing to be discussed anyway. I was just trying to help get her to understand me more, I guess.

Other then her, I had no replies, 99% of all chat requests (in the POF built in message) were declined. I tried writing people different ways, in hopes of improving myself, but that also went no where. Mostly everytime I went on that site, I've seen how lucky people where which made me depressed. In the past few days, I haven't logged in and promised myself to never log in again, even just to check people out. Unless of course, someone actually messages me, but that will never happen. After the past few times of visiting the site, I started to get really depressed again, and haven't got depressed in a long time.

It's is a great site for women, not for men. The reason I say that, becuase most of the girls on that site are greedy and only want someone who is very good looking (hot guys). A lot of them even say so in their profile. If you're average looking or under, you basically stand no or very little chance. I once made a fake profile, with a few photos of a good looking girl and a lame, bare-bone description, and after a few minutes later, I was bombarded by messages (even though the profile wasn't that well made). I've got 20+ messages from guys with 7-8 minutes, and also numerous chat requests too. This is what most girls on Plenty Of Fish get, so you see, they take advantage of that, and only look for the hottest looking guys, and burn through all the rest. Sad truth.

A friend I've meet on-line awhile ago, suggested a site called OKCupid. I have signed up, met someone, who was a little strange at first, but she is pretty cool. I've been talking to her a lot on Skype. I wish to meet her someday, but unfortunately, she plans to move away from Halifax and into a bigger city (I should've known, becuase every time I meet someone, special, something always happens!). I've sent a few messages to a few other girls, but no reply. The girl I talk to, is the only one who replied to so far.

I wish I had better social skills, I really do.

 
Yeah, them darn sites. I quit using them a few years back. I'm not a bad looking guy, and I had a tough time getting anything decent going. I finally gave up on that. If I'm going to meet someone, it'll most likely be in the "real world". It's all good.
*
PS. I run Linux os, too! Cut my teeth on Mandriva about 5 years ago. Now I have a System76 laptop. System76 (out of Denver) factory loads Ubuntu Linux on their computers. I've also set up Ubuntu on a few friend's Windows os's using Virtualbox - just so they can surf the Internet without worrying about getting viruses, and the such. Peace, Linux Bro!
 
I tried dating site....yeah its actaully up to the women...So its even more retarded on line..
While I had women chit chat with me...I lost interest really quick too..becuase of the extra bullshit.....of chit chating...the trying to work yourself up to actaully meeting..

I like Face to face better...I get to see the real deal and check out her fucken Titays right off the bat. It works in my favor better this way. Plus we already met..Yeah its like 3 sec for me to determind if I wanna bang her too.hahahaaa.
 
Sorry but I have to disagree that it's "up to the women." It's only the case if the women are in their 20s.

Over the last eight years I've tried *every* dating site (except POF, at this point I'm just too fed up to bother). I'm 44, and my experience is that 99% of the men on dating site want a woman 10-20 years younger than them. All I ever got was winks and emails from men age 55-70, even when I explicitly stated on my profile I want a guy in his 40s. But many friends have flat out told me "no 40something guy wants a 40something woman." And when some over-55 guy would email and not get a response from me they'd get downright nasty!!!

The two most expensive ones were the biggest disappointments -- match and eharmony. I held onto the match one for the past five years but I finally decided it wasn't worth the expense and turned off the auto renewal; I'm paid thru October so for the interim I've put up a message on my profile saying "I want to take this opportunity to say something to you fortysomething men who think you're going to find a woman 10-20 years younger than you: when I was 20, I sure as heck was NOT interested in a man twice my age."

The last one I held onto was adultfriendfinder...over four years the above scenario continued, but on occasion I would hear from a guy in my age group...I'd respond, we'd chat and then arrange to meet...and they'd never show up. The final straw came about a month ago, I agreed to meet the guy at a local pool hall (I explained that most of the time the guy doesn't show up, so at least I can get some pool practice in, so look for me over on one of the tables). Well I got there at 6:20 and instead of the place being dead as it usually is there were two huge parties going on, and all the tables were booked. So I sat at the bar waiting for a table to open up. The place was extremely noisy with people constantly coming to the bar ordering drinks so I pulled out my android to tune out the chaos and kill the time (and also keep an eye on my email expecting to receive a message from the guy saying he's not gonna show up). Finally a table opened up, I played for awhile, then at 7:15 I sent him an email saying I've been here 45 min and I'll give it another 20 then I'm leaving. Of course I left 20 min later. Here's the email response I got from him:

I was there @ 6:30 sharp and went to the bar side away from the new york life party/karaoke. I sat at the bar ordered a club soda w lime and there was a woman next to me that never looked up and just played with her smartphone dressed in a black outfit. I apologize if it was you but normally if you are expecting someone you look around or acknowledge someone that sits next to you. i had a black golf shirt on with black slacks and left at 6:50 when i saw some guy with special needs humping his pool cue. I figured that was my signal to leave.

So he showed up, checked me out from a distance, didn't like what he saw, and cowardly left. And this is MY fault. Right...how dare I be too tired after my long day (which includes a 90 minute commute) to jerk my head left and right and back and forth in that busy venue in anticipation of his godly appearance.

That's when I turned off the auto renew...but I left my profile up (since it was free), and I added the same message as in my match account. Well last week I get this email from this 66 year old jerk:

I may let mine run out too - because of people like you who put cupid filters to weed out people like me. One of the reasons you haven't gotten an intelligent response from me is that, like so many others here, you narrow your 'cupid' settings and anyone over, say, 55 doesn't even have a chance to say hello - unless we pay a premium price. will you get off your age-ist trip - nobody here is going to be tapped as models but that has nothing to do with it. My father was 25 years older than my mother, my wife was 18 years my junior, and although I do play with kids my own age, a lady answered my CL ad a few years ago - and after some e-mails and chats visited and immediately jumped into my arms, leading to a nearly 3 year wonderful relationship with a Virgo, 5 feet tall - and she was 24! Now she's 27, back in India, we're in nearly daily contact ...
But there's a couple of ladies in their 40's that look very nice - thirty five year gaps are a little rare, but for God's sake lighten up. It is not, I repeat NOT my fault that some women find either my mind or my tantras so enticing that they want to stick around - my ex-
wife proposed to me, not the other way around ... I'm not rich, I just seem to attract younger women and - I'm supposed to mind?


Yeah, how dare I want a man my own age, the nerve!!! I couldn't hit the "delete profile" link fast enough.

So the only account left is OKCupid...and I'm debating getting rid of that one as well. I have accepted that I am going to be the crazy cat lady on the block, but I'm okay with that.
 
I guess its true....

Im over 40....
Even in real life meeting face to face.
when I started dating again.
The chicks I dated were in thier 20s.....
with big ass titays.Its still up to the women after I aske them..if I can play with thier titays though.

I can get away wiih it though..
I dont look over 40.
Plus I still have firm sexy hard body.
I got woredrob to dress like people in their 20s....
Plus my truck has kick ass sound system
in it.. The younger women likes to get
in my truck and listen to hip hop or RnB..
Whateveaaa..(I hate rap music)

Plus Im still capoiable of walking into
Bars..Women in thier 20s and early 30s still hits on me. Im just average looking.
Plus Im asian.. Young white chicks hits
on me....

It works in my favor more this way.
The women actaully really see me as who I am or see my personalities better. Im a not a typical asain guy over 40..

It just works for me better this way cuase of who I am...
The on line stuff just creates more barriers for me...So commom sense tells me to remove barriers out of my life.


.
 
I agree with dk1967. Men who believe that dating sites are awesome for women, have no idea. Of course Lost Soul's fake female profile would get a lot of messages if he used a picture of a young, pretty girl. Because the thing with these dating sites is that most people, women AND men, mostly look for those who are good looking and "hot". This is the general standard in both camps, and has little to do with gender.

I've had profiles on various dating sites for almost ten years (never expecting anything from them, though), and most of the approaches I've gotten have been from men twice my age. And, like dk1967 said, most 20 year old girls are NOT interested in men in their 40s+. I have also experienced getting rude and insulting messages when I haven't replied to someone. Borderline harassment, even.

I place little faith in dating sites for meeting someone. I use them mostly for entertainment. Some of the messages I receive go straight to my blog, and my audience love them. ;)
 
Well...I dont go to bars anymore....
I attend support groups..
Its still the same for me.
Younger women tend to wanna sit next to me and chi chat wiith after meeting.
I dont play a father figure role to these women. Im more lay back N easy going.

Even if a woman in my age group hits
on me...she has the same type of personality as I do. The way she dress or carries herself...shell bascailly dress like women in thier 20s.

Looks plays a role..so why debate about it.? The personality factor comes in when we get to know each other better.

Women that complains about looks
or nag about what a grown up should act like truns me off.. Obviously the women I date or go out with dont have that much of a problem in the looks department...but they like me becuase they relatively see other guys as DORKS.. Youll be amaze of the things I hear women tells me about other men.lmao.

The thing about support groups are...
It gets you into a lot of self esteem
issues or gets you to working on them.
We talk about it, share about..etc..etc.

Plus...Im getting exposure or pratice of actaully interacting with women all the time...You pick up skill..maybe.
But for me its just plain exposure.
In other words...Im kindda desentitized.
I dont freak out when beautiful women
talk to me or carry on a conversation with me. They give me hugs all the time.
So..Im not like some on the younger dudes on this site...going
"wow...she gave me a hug is she flirting with, likes me...etc..etc.".
 
The whole, "females have it easy" thing is a myth. I'm reasonably attractive, fairly intelligent, and I have a decent personality. I got few letters at all, and those I received were mostly sexual harassment. I did get a few of those angry letters from men in their 60s who told me I was shallow for wanting a man my own age. I tried writing men first, but few of them wrote back.

We've all heard that the crappy profiles with cute pictures get tons of responses. What this suggests is that "hot" and vacuous people are sexually appealing, and some people will do anything to get laid.
 
POF is absolutely terrible.

Only good thing is, when you actually get a woman's attention, it's not very hard to hold onto it because the site is so prevalent with ******** and dickheads. But it's a free site so how much can you really expect.

Even as a man, i don't think women have it easy as far as dating on line, especially on POF. Everyone woman i talked to thought i was amazing just because of the fact that i wasn't sending them pictures of my penis or asking for their number within the first email.
 
dk1967 said:
I have accepted that I am going to be the crazy cat lady on the block, but I'm okay with that.

lol - yeah that sounds like me right about now. I tried online dating for awhile. I haven't tried plenty of fish because I heard that's basically a pick-up joint. Two guys I met on eharmony turned out to be married. One was just recently separated after a 7 year marriage. He didn't tell me that right away. Then he asked if he could borrow my 5 year old daughter's princess outfits and let his preschool-age sons dress in the princess dresses. He was a weird one, I dumped him shortly after that.
I met about 15 guys on match.com. No hanky-panky with them. Most didn't progress after the 1st date. The last straw was a guy who asked me to lunch then expected me to pay for my own lunch AND his lunch. I didn't pay for him then he got mad later when I told him I didn't think things would work out between us.
So what's going on here? I've always thought there's someone for everyone but I've come to the conclusion that I'm too shy & geeky to meet my type of guy.

Teresa
 
Dude....I was at a support group meeting. Over 50 people in attendance.
Mostly people in thier 20s...
Maybe 15 pople over 30....

So after a meeting Im just minding
my own business....A cute blonde.
Maybe in her late 20s or ealry 30
comes up to me and started chit chating
with me...Theres a difference in the
way she talks to me. Yeah ...as in shes
interested ..Cuase I was standing alone..
and she apporched me..She stepped away from her friends.

I didnt have to use PUA bullshit of
trying to talk to a woman alone.
Just saying....I have better luck in real life...pretty white chicks always hit on me all make themsleves avaliable to me I got nowhere ON LINE.

All pof that paying for your own way is retared to me...I always pick up the tab
when taking a chick out..

After the relationship moces forward all of my GF comtribute to the relationship as best they came in one form or another...CUASE WE moved into the WE stage.
 
pof and okcupid failed for me and i think i'm a good looking guy somewhat not ugly in the least and my personality doesn't really shine though to the inter-web so i gave up on internet dating too. it's just i sent 100 emails and found out i get a 5% return rate and it's messed up the return messages i got. like hi i'm blah blah and I've already found a Boyfriend on this site so i plan on deleting my profile soon but well i'm still on here we can talk. or the people the message you once or twice and never message you again. and i'm a guy with fairly low standards so it doesn't take much for me to message some one. for example the only girlfriends i've ever had have both weighed more then me and had back complications. and noted i never have had mail me on those site or a girl hit on me in real life that wasn't doing it as a cruel joke that i haven't dated.
 
Outlawstarl337 said:
and i'm a guy with fairly low standards so it doesn't take much for me to message some one. for example the only girlfriends i've ever had have both weighed more then me and had back complications.

Wait, what? You think girls who are overweight or have an illness/injury is low standard? Well, if that is the kind of attitude your profile signals, there's no wonder you don't have much luck. It's guys like you who make 80% of girls feel like crap about themselves. Shame on you, sir.

 
Dating is kind da retarded for me in general....
All the shoulds and shouldns...people
say
Then again..i think people and life are all fuicken retarded in general.

Yes.. the whining and dining...
first base...second base...blah..blah.
Im also a home run hitter..
Ill slide right in...it really up to the women..
They let me so its all good.

Im a lover not a hater...

yeah..its like turning in god ****
Lover resume sometimes.
And of course some women tells
me Im over qualified for the job.

Others tells me...she needs me in
that poisition cuase Im the only person that can do that job right...

and of course there are those too..that wants me only as the maintenance man and as a janitor...

I volunteered for all the poitions of course.LOL
 
Equinox said:
Outlawstarl337 said:
and i'm a guy with fairly low standards so it doesn't take much for me to message some one. for example the only girlfriends i've ever had have both weighed more then me and had back complications.

Wait, what? You think girls who are overweight or have an illness/injury is low standard? Well, if that is the kind of attitude your profile signals, there's no wonder you don't have much luck. It's guys like you who make 80% of girls feel like crap about themselves. Shame on you, sir.

Amen to that! I've gotten loads of emails from men like this who have the audacity to say "Hi, I'm a good-looking guy..." and I see their pic and have to wonder "based on what?" (or better yet, they don't even have a pic uploaded...if you're so "handsome" then why no pic?). One of the last messages I got was from just this sort of guy who was anything but handsome (as he self-professed), and in his profile he went through a long list of what he's looking for in a woman, at the end he summarized "basically I'm just looking for the perfect woman." (Yes, he was serious.) I wanted to respond with "the only guy who has the right to demand a perfect woman is George Clooney, and you sir are no George Clooney"...but that would've been mean so I didn't.
 
I find chatrooms and dating lines quite difficult as to some degree that for one you have to pay to find love and then you have trust the person that replies. sondly is that it's quite possible that the date could be an arranged date for two people to come together in a kind of ownership way from the site management. I joined christian connection and the fellowship christain website which i found really good not because I didn't find a person more that I was sent a list of people to contact away from the internet. they issued a few phone numbers and I chatted to some ladies and it could have been succeesul but I ran out of money at that time but I still have faith as a christian to believe that god will guide me to my future wife.
 
dk1967 said:
"the only guy who has the right to demand a perfect woman is George Clooney, and you sir are no George Clooney"

This made me laugh. :)

Though, I am going to write a thread about something this addresses.
 
When I watch television and have a shine for a girl, I don't call this a crush more she could be well in love with me too :)
 
Equinox said:
Outlawstarl337 said:
and i'm a guy with fairly low standards so it doesn't take much for me to message some one. for example the only girlfriends i've ever had have both weighed more then me and had back complications.

Wait, what? You think girls who are overweight or have an illness/injury is low standard? Well, if that is the kind of attitude your profile signals, there's no wonder you don't have much luck. It's guys like you who make 80% of girls feel like crap about themselves. Shame on you, sir.
to recap this comment i really may sound mean towards my ex's but they both cheated on me so i don't care about sounding mean towards them (and they kinda should feel bad about them selves) and secondly women have the same shitty standards towards men. and i meant complexion sorry not complications.


 

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