Hey everyone, how are you doing? I'm new, I've just joined this forum because I want to express how my life is going, and I have to say that it's going downhill. Since I can't express it anywhere (most people don't want to read depressive things), so I'll post it here because as far as I see, this forum is for those that feel unlucky. Whatever I will write here is written with truth, no overexaggeration or anything. Take it as you will, I know at least that I am speaking the truth.
I live in a small country named Macedonia, it's in the balkans and it neighbors with Serbia and Greece. It's a place of geographical beauty, however... it's people, it's society... is the worst and most corrupted that I've ever seen. I feel like an alien that is completely with different culture and different way of life.
My childhood was well... I can't really complain much about it. It had it's bad times sure, I was bullied once and then (but it was not common). I was living with my grandmother who taught me discipline (she was harsh but she had a heart of gold). My mother and father however never bothered to teach me the way of life, how to be social and how to get yourself out from bad situations in life.
Then there was a conflict (a small war if you will) in 2001. I had to leave my hometown and move to the capital city. That's the start of my life going downhill.
I started highschool in the capital. No one liked me because I was different. No one liked me for no particular reason. The students there have told me "We don't like you, get out!" but they didn't explain why. I was clean, I didn't smell, I am good looking. Who knows, maybe it's because I was pure (I don't smoke, I don't drink and use drugs, which 99% of my people do, even children of 8 years). I was good with the teachers however and I didn't have any problems with them.
Then after some time in highschool, I've met some people that would become my "friends". We had same interests, and we hanged alot. I'm still in touch with those people... or at least I was.
The problem is that I noticed that those "friends" I was with actually did much things together without me. They were hanging out in many places, going to vacations with each other and doing other stuff... the problem is that they didn't call me to be with them. While on the other hand I was organizing meetings with them in my house... of course they only came when they heard that there will be free drinks and food on the house. All in all high school was a bad experience, but then there were some good memories of it.
Then came college. College was... boring. I tried to fit in groups, but no one even bothered to notice me. There were even similar moments to that in high school, kicking me out without any particular reason. There was however a girl that I've met, and we became good friends. We talked about many things (mostly on the net though, through messengers). She seemed nice and all while we were speaking, however she was giving me the cold shoulder in person and was talking more with the other colleagues.
Then she called me on her birthday. I was surprised when she said to me that only I and some another colleague were invited, despite her being alot with the other colleagues. I was supposed to meet with the other colleague to go together and I waited. He seemed to be late. Then I went to her place to check out if he was there already, and he was. The girl came to me screaming "Why didn't you wait for him, you were supposed to meet each other!?" and she didn't greet me at all and didn't even bother to see that I brought her a gift. When I left, I was disappointed.
Days passed. I didn't have much conversation with anyone that I knew. No one bothered to ask me whether I was alive or dead. I on the other hand asked the question when I was in touch with those "friends".
I also tried online contacts. I started playing an MMO, and tried to get in touch with it's roleplaying community. Nothing worked though, no matter how much I tried to get in touch with them, no one bothered to notice my presence. It acted like a "clique" or "elitists" who didn't bother to notice newbies... or maybe they didn't bother to notice me, seeing how my luck is.
I also tried to go to a spiritual teachings (though mostly the community there was made up of old women). I tried to get in touch with the community that was around my age, but the same thing happened. No one bothered to contact me, while themselves were being in touch, hearing from their conversations.
I concluded that no matter how much I try to get in touch socially with some people, I always get rejected. I have always heard the phrase "Do good, and good shall come to you." I was a good man, I helped anyone who asked my help, made others feel better and didn't do bad things such as stealing or making others feel miserable. If that was true then why am I not accepted by anyone?
I lost interest in things that I did. My hobbies were drawing, tabletop games, video games (I even am programming a video game on my own). But considering how bad my luck is, I lost motivation and inspiration to do those things. I also stopped studying (I was good in school, in primary school I was the best student).
No matter what I do, fate (or god or nature or whatever controls existence) just shuts down my door and leaves me alone...
I live in a small country named Macedonia, it's in the balkans and it neighbors with Serbia and Greece. It's a place of geographical beauty, however... it's people, it's society... is the worst and most corrupted that I've ever seen. I feel like an alien that is completely with different culture and different way of life.
My childhood was well... I can't really complain much about it. It had it's bad times sure, I was bullied once and then (but it was not common). I was living with my grandmother who taught me discipline (she was harsh but she had a heart of gold). My mother and father however never bothered to teach me the way of life, how to be social and how to get yourself out from bad situations in life.
Then there was a conflict (a small war if you will) in 2001. I had to leave my hometown and move to the capital city. That's the start of my life going downhill.
I started highschool in the capital. No one liked me because I was different. No one liked me for no particular reason. The students there have told me "We don't like you, get out!" but they didn't explain why. I was clean, I didn't smell, I am good looking. Who knows, maybe it's because I was pure (I don't smoke, I don't drink and use drugs, which 99% of my people do, even children of 8 years). I was good with the teachers however and I didn't have any problems with them.
Then after some time in highschool, I've met some people that would become my "friends". We had same interests, and we hanged alot. I'm still in touch with those people... or at least I was.
The problem is that I noticed that those "friends" I was with actually did much things together without me. They were hanging out in many places, going to vacations with each other and doing other stuff... the problem is that they didn't call me to be with them. While on the other hand I was organizing meetings with them in my house... of course they only came when they heard that there will be free drinks and food on the house. All in all high school was a bad experience, but then there were some good memories of it.
Then came college. College was... boring. I tried to fit in groups, but no one even bothered to notice me. There were even similar moments to that in high school, kicking me out without any particular reason. There was however a girl that I've met, and we became good friends. We talked about many things (mostly on the net though, through messengers). She seemed nice and all while we were speaking, however she was giving me the cold shoulder in person and was talking more with the other colleagues.
Then she called me on her birthday. I was surprised when she said to me that only I and some another colleague were invited, despite her being alot with the other colleagues. I was supposed to meet with the other colleague to go together and I waited. He seemed to be late. Then I went to her place to check out if he was there already, and he was. The girl came to me screaming "Why didn't you wait for him, you were supposed to meet each other!?" and she didn't greet me at all and didn't even bother to see that I brought her a gift. When I left, I was disappointed.
Days passed. I didn't have much conversation with anyone that I knew. No one bothered to ask me whether I was alive or dead. I on the other hand asked the question when I was in touch with those "friends".
I also tried online contacts. I started playing an MMO, and tried to get in touch with it's roleplaying community. Nothing worked though, no matter how much I tried to get in touch with them, no one bothered to notice my presence. It acted like a "clique" or "elitists" who didn't bother to notice newbies... or maybe they didn't bother to notice me, seeing how my luck is.
I also tried to go to a spiritual teachings (though mostly the community there was made up of old women). I tried to get in touch with the community that was around my age, but the same thing happened. No one bothered to contact me, while themselves were being in touch, hearing from their conversations.
I concluded that no matter how much I try to get in touch socially with some people, I always get rejected. I have always heard the phrase "Do good, and good shall come to you." I was a good man, I helped anyone who asked my help, made others feel better and didn't do bad things such as stealing or making others feel miserable. If that was true then why am I not accepted by anyone?
I lost interest in things that I did. My hobbies were drawing, tabletop games, video games (I even am programming a video game on my own). But considering how bad my luck is, I lost motivation and inspiration to do those things. I also stopped studying (I was good in school, in primary school I was the best student).
No matter what I do, fate (or god or nature or whatever controls existence) just shuts down my door and leaves me alone...