A curse? An unlucky fate?

Hey everyone, how are you doing? I'm new, I've just joined this forum because I want to express how my life is going, and I have to say that it's going downhill. Since I can't express it anywhere (most people don't want to read depressive things), so I'll post it here because as far as I see, this forum is for those that feel unlucky. Whatever I will write here is written with truth, no overexaggeration or anything. Take it as you will, I know at least that I am speaking the truth.

I live in a small country named Macedonia, it's in the balkans and it neighbors with Serbia and Greece. It's a place of geographical beauty, however... it's people, it's society... is the worst and most corrupted that I've ever seen. I feel like an alien that is completely with different culture and different way of life.

My childhood was well... I can't really complain much about it. It had it's bad times sure, I was bullied once and then (but it was not common). I was living with my grandmother who taught me discipline (she was harsh but she had a heart of gold). My mother and father however never bothered to teach me the way of life, how to be social and how to get yourself out from bad situations in life.

Then there was a conflict (a small war if you will) in 2001. I had to leave my hometown and move to the capital city. That's the start of my life going downhill.

I started highschool in the capital. No one liked me because I was different. No one liked me for no particular reason. The students there have told me "We don't like you, get out!" but they didn't explain why. I was clean, I didn't smell, I am good looking. Who knows, maybe it's because I was pure (I don't smoke, I don't drink and use drugs, which 99% of my people do, even children of 8 years). I was good with the teachers however and I didn't have any problems with them.

Then after some time in highschool, I've met some people that would become my "friends". We had same interests, and we hanged alot. I'm still in touch with those people... or at least I was.

The problem is that I noticed that those "friends" I was with actually did much things together without me. They were hanging out in many places, going to vacations with each other and doing other stuff... the problem is that they didn't call me to be with them. While on the other hand I was organizing meetings with them in my house... of course they only came when they heard that there will be free drinks and food on the house. All in all high school was a bad experience, but then there were some good memories of it.

Then came college. College was... boring. I tried to fit in groups, but no one even bothered to notice me. There were even similar moments to that in high school, kicking me out without any particular reason. There was however a girl that I've met, and we became good friends. We talked about many things (mostly on the net though, through messengers). She seemed nice and all while we were speaking, however she was giving me the cold shoulder in person and was talking more with the other colleagues.

Then she called me on her birthday. I was surprised when she said to me that only I and some another colleague were invited, despite her being alot with the other colleagues. I was supposed to meet with the other colleague to go together and I waited. He seemed to be late. Then I went to her place to check out if he was there already, and he was. The girl came to me screaming "Why didn't you wait for him, you were supposed to meet each other!?" and she didn't greet me at all and didn't even bother to see that I brought her a gift. When I left, I was disappointed.

Days passed. I didn't have much conversation with anyone that I knew. No one bothered to ask me whether I was alive or dead. I on the other hand asked the question when I was in touch with those "friends".

I also tried online contacts. I started playing an MMO, and tried to get in touch with it's roleplaying community. Nothing worked though, no matter how much I tried to get in touch with them, no one bothered to notice my presence. It acted like a "clique" or "elitists" who didn't bother to notice newbies... or maybe they didn't bother to notice me, seeing how my luck is.

I also tried to go to a spiritual teachings (though mostly the community there was made up of old women). I tried to get in touch with the community that was around my age, but the same thing happened. No one bothered to contact me, while themselves were being in touch, hearing from their conversations.

I concluded that no matter how much I try to get in touch socially with some people, I always get rejected. I have always heard the phrase "Do good, and good shall come to you." I was a good man, I helped anyone who asked my help, made others feel better and didn't do bad things such as stealing or making others feel miserable. If that was true then why am I not accepted by anyone?

I lost interest in things that I did. My hobbies were drawing, tabletop games, video games (I even am programming a video game on my own). But considering how bad my luck is, I lost motivation and inspiration to do those things. I also stopped studying (I was good in school, in primary school I was the best student).

No matter what I do, fate (or god or nature or whatever controls existence) just shuts down my door and leaves me alone...

One door shuts,and so do all the others.Kick doors down!

Thanks John... though I have no strength to kick the doors.

Hm, many views and only one reply... it seems that I am unlucky in this place too...

Argent said:

Thanks John... though I have no strength to kick the doors.

Hm, many views and only one reply... it seems that I am unlucky in this place too...

Click to expand...

Use a fireball spell and blast down the doors!

Argent, you are not alone alright? I've felt like a misfit myself and still do at times so I can relate to some of the things you wrote.

I wouldn't say you are unlucky in this place too, it's just that your post is kind of long. Sometimes people don't have the time to read it and try to come back later. I have one that is kind of long and only one person commented on it. It's just the way things are, people like things quick. We really need to learn to slow down more. It is nothing personal.

Anyway, wow you've been through a lot, being in a place where war forces you from your home.

From what you have said it seems like people act the way they do because of where you were from, if that makes any sense. People tend to shun those "from the other side of the tracks". Person from town A has to move to town B and town B doesn't accept person from town A. Not that there is much difference between them it's just the way it is. Like here for some reason people from Alberta and Ontario don't get along. I have no idea why, we live in the same country so why there is this myth of how we hate each other is a mystery to me.

Good luck with your computer game, and like what John said, kick down those doors.

And don't forget,Alexander the Great was a Macedonian,no doors kept him out!

Argent said:

Thanks John... though I have no strength to kick the doors.

Hm, many views and only one reply... it seems that I am unlucky in this place too...

Click to expand...

My apologies for not replying sooner, I don't frequent this Misc board as much as the others.

First of all - good for you for not doing drugs or caving into pressure. That shows you have resolve.

It sounds to me like the people who have ignored you are not worth your time anyway. For that girl to yell at you for not waiting for someone who was late was a bit extreme too.

As you said yourself, it sounds to me that you were just unlucky really. I tend to be a kind person too, and I don't drink or anything either, and I think that makes it harder to meet other people that you'll get on really well with because not everyone keeps those high standards.

When you do find a girl or guy who respects your morality however, you should gain a really strong bond with that person quite easily.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep up being your good self. It will pay off eventually

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your posts, wishes and cheers.

As for my post being long, that was the shortest that I could write. If I wrote everything in detail, it would've been ten times the size of my first post. Also, if I wrote a short post it would've been just another "my life is miserable and I am unlucky" sentence.

As for the difference between the towns, in fact there was not much difference. I returned to my hometown sometime after I moved to see in my disappointment that the people I knew in my childhood became the same people from the capital. In fact, every person, no matter in which town or a village... Hooligans who want to make someone else who is not like them feel miserable.

As for me being different than the others, I won't say that it's my fault that it is difficult for me to socialize. In fact I blame the outside world, not accepting me for no particular reason.

And finding someone who respects my morality... here that is very difficult, or even I should say it's impossible. You can't socialize if you are alone and not doing sociable things like going outside hanging with others or doing other things that are considered fun.

I feel like I'm an alien that crashed into another planet...

Hey Argent.

I am brand new to this site and this is actually my first post but I figured I would reply to yours.
First of all I would like to say that I am sorry that you feel unlucky. Good friends, and lots of times good people, can be hard to come by.
I can sympathize with some of your situation, and I can also empathize with some. I moved to Canada from South Africa (I am white though in case anyone is wondering >.<), and oh man yes there is a big difference when moving from your home to somewhere foreign, being the foreign one.
I want you to know that I think you are great from what I have read so far. You seem like a really nice person, and really people need to appreciate others more. But you know the saying "the nice guys finish last" couldnt be more true. And that is the case with females as well I am figuring out. But if I can say this. Good on you for not doing drugs and drinking and smoking. That is a hard thing to avoid, especially when peer pressure is involved. That happened with me and I ended up addicted to ecstasy, smoking, and drinking like a fisj. I have since overcome all of those obstacles, but it isnt an easy thing to go through, so count yourself lucky on that one
And you know what, you will meet some fantastic people in your future that love you for you and want to be around you for everything that you are. It will happen, just dont lose yourself, and dont change yourself for the acceptance of others. Which it seems you have been great with already so thats awesome

I dont really have much else I can say in a message at this point, but I would be super happy being pen pals or email pals or something if you are interested at any point

I hope that you can feel a little bit better about stuff and keep your chin up!!!

Remember--- You have lots of great friends, you just havent met them yet

You mentioned college - have you completed college yet?

@UsefulProp
Thanks for your kind words. Even though I am skeptic, I hope that what you have said will become true. As for being pen pals, sure why not.

@IgnoredOne
No, I haven't. As I mentioned in the first post, I lost interest in studying. I'm still going on though, and I'm trying to finish it. But then I'll have hard time looking for a job, for there is not much interest in working on things like graphic design, art or video game development. Worse thing is that you'll have hard time in job if you are not a part of some social circle, since most of the times people are getting jobs through connections (well in my country anyway).

Argent I hope this will help you.

In our world nothing is perfect we live in an imperfect world. Its not as easy has we expect it to be and reality is diffrent from our idea of what it should be. You need to do your best to make the things you want to happen. Don't give up for thats givening into whats holding you down bud. There is many great things in the world and in life you have the power to enjoy them and to do them. The world is after all a world of free will and one of choice what shall you choose? No one can fix your own problems but yourself. Its not our free will its yours. You control your life. I hope this advice I can give will help you its up to you to use any of it or to not.

1. Go out into town enter every market and cafe. Approach people and talk. Smile and say hi introduce yourself. Theres many ways to do this and do it the way your comfortable with. To keep it from being ackward stick to small talk l after you introduce yourself.

If they are doing something ask them what it is or how to do it explain it caught your eye and you were curious. Simple curious questions are very natural and happen all over the world. Its very accepted in humanity.

If they are reading something ask them what it is their reading. Keep the small talk going. Mentioning the weather like its a very pretty day then yesterday. Think of all the seemly innocent things to say and to ask you can plan talking to people its easy to prepare for and to learn. Once you learn it its a skill that you can use the rest of your life to help you.

2. Another way to meet people and to gain friends. Is to join the local sport teams. By becoming part of a team your already one of them the next step is to get to know them and to be with them. No one will turn away a team mate. Even if they find a reason there is always more then one team out there to become part of.

And another awesome thing is teams travel go to eat with each other after games. Spend time at each other's houses getting to know each other and even family.

3. Think of all ways to meet people and even better to help them. By helping someone in need you actually mean alot to them already at that point. Don't give up and don't stop keep going till you achieve.

be more aggressive in your approach in dealing with people.

@Vinan

Thanks for the suggestions. However I tried most of the things you suggested and sadly they didn't work. Society in my country is very "cliquish", either you are in a circle of people or you are nothing. And it's very hard to get in a circle. As for being in a sports team, I'm not much into sports (when I was young I played many times football/soccer with teams, but most of the times the teams were bickering about the gameplay, not just me but almost everyone).

Also, here in my country, it is very rude for a stranger to approach someone. As I have mentioned previously, you either have to be in some social circle to get more acquaintances. If you are on your own, you are nothing. And as for helping people:

Argent said:

I concluded that no matter how much I try to get in touch socially with some people, I always get rejected. I have always heard the phrase "Do good, and good shall come to you." I was a good man, I helped anyone who asked my help, made others feel better and didn't do bad things such as stealing or making others feel miserable. If that was true then why am I not accepted by anyone?

Click to expand...

Of course, we control our lives and our choices in it. However, we cannot control the results of the actions and choices we make. And sadly, as I said in my previous posts, in any attempt that I try to get in touch with someone it always ends up in a failure.

@badaboom

That would make things worse, but thanks for the suggestion anyhow.

I can sympathize how it is difficult to get a job with the importance of social circles; this is especially more true in places like your nation, where money is more limited overall and cronyism is sadly more popular.

Honestly, if I was you, I would focus on the so-called 'indie' gaming market, which can be very promising. See if you can create something yourself or with a few people you can come to trust - if you have a good concept and dedication, you can go quite some distance and even make a reasonable amount of money. I would continue to study as well, on something more specifically marketable(technical fields, really, which are always in demand internationally if not locally).

If you can get your hands on some resources and money, you can relocate or generally have far more options in your life. Does any of that sound reasonable?

Yes. Once I finish college (if that is) I plan on working on indie games because I don't have time to focus on that right now... or maybe I do but I have no will nor energy to do it. I've realized that if you want to have success at something it's not just how much you work on it but how much support you get from other people. In many things that I did so far (like the game that I was working on), I never got any support from anyone. Anyone who is famous for something (no matter what) has succeeded not just because he worked on it, but others have accepted his work.

As for having money and resources, I would relocate somewhere that I would REALLY be alone, in an isolated place or something. I'm not truly bothered by the fact that I have no luck getting in touch with people, I'm bothered by the fact that I live in a place where the only way to survive is through contact, which I have no luck with.

Personally, I always suggest starting as soon as possible. My experience is that you will learn far more from hands on than you ever expected; this usually means courting failure but its very educational. Support, is of course, necessary and is a metric of your quality; if you wrote at least a decent game, you should gather a reasonable fanbase with the correct marketing and approach, etc. Additionally, you need to get support from people to keep going - if not friends and family, see if you can gather a bit of an internet clique with similar interests?

I'm sure that you have plenty of talent; indulge in it and make it valuable. And yes, market it so that there will be people who support it - the modern artists who claim to make art that no one supports or understands are laughingstock.