Tealeaf said:
Mostly people can just offer sympathy, or it's useless advice like "just get a new job" for work-related concerns, etc. So I try to work through things alone.
It actually upsets me that 99% of everyone I know, online or off, only does this. I had real problems after a breakup earlier this year and I desperately needed people to talk/vent/help.
All I got from most of them was "Well, I'm sorry that happened to you" and it did not help at all. I wanted so badly for someone to offer me advice or even offer to do something for me, help, etc.
If the situations were reversed, I would do nothing but offer myself, solutions, anything I could.
Only one friend, that I randomly met earlier the same year and is 10+ years younger than me to boot; only he actually offered to help me. He couldn't sit back and see how I was hurting, despite how little we'd actually talked or knew each other, and he partnered with me for a solution to at least try and help.
And it didn't work, but just the fact I got to TRY and had someone assist me I could count on meant so much. Without him, I don't know what would've happened to me, to be honest. The way I was, so frantic, I might've done something really stupid or finally just lost it. He has no idea how much what he did meant to me.
And it's so sad that people think "sympathy" alone is the way to go when people close to them sometimes just need help.
I feel I'm at a level now where I won't ever be at that level state, even if the same kind of trauma happens again, so I guess that's more self-reliant.... but I feel almost everyone wishes for that someone who wants to not only listen, but help at the same time. Pity that's so rare.
It takes a whole lot of inner strength to be able to tackle such things alone, so if you've actually managed, I'm impressed.