do you guys think this is normal?

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cool_breeze

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This is basically what makes me feel loneliest of all. Where I live if you talk to most people they've had 1 main relationship. But they've also had sex with 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30+ people. Do you guys think this is normal? It seems strange. It makes me feel lonely. People seem to treat sex like nothing these days. They're horny so they have sex with pretty much anyone that they've talked to for a bit and that's it. I always wanted to have sex with a low number of girls and just love them completely. That doesn't seem to be possible though with how things are and the environment here. I have even started to join in with the "hooking up" here, though not anywhere near to the level of some people. It seems if you don't do that you get nothing at all here basically.

That's pretty much what makes me lonely. When sex and love don't align. I've had sex with girls I don't love. And conversely there are 1 or 2 girls I love that I want to have sex with so bad but they're so prude it doesn't seem possible. Everyone here seems to be a prude or a slut. The sexuality in this area seems kind of primitive. What happened to healthy romantic relationships, and sex is just a byproduct of that? Also, how can I take a girl seriously if she's having sex with literally dozens of guys. That seems like way too much.

I hate this issue. There's some sex to be had here. Even some love maybe. But both together... goddamn. Killin me...
 
You've raised the issue before and the same answer is true before as now; you're not finding the right demographic and you're drawing conclusions on just those girls. Honestly, this is not the case for all women nor do I feel that it is even that so very common.

Also consider that many people will exaggerate their numbers so that they will seem more 'normal'; I've known plenty of girls who've only had sex with fewer than five partners, or even one. The vocal ones often are the more promiscuous ones(and may publicize this), but loudness of volume doesn't mean that they are the majority.
 
I raise this issue because it's my only main issue. I have a fair amount of friends. Most people like me. Etc... I'm lonely because of the lack of meaningful romantic relationship, including sex. Not just 1 or the other.

I'm pretty sure you don't live where I live. A lot of this stuff varies culturally. The area I'm at seems kind of messed up.

I am trying to work on demographics though. I'm changing some of my behavior, like the places I go and spend time at for example. I don't like the slutty girls that much. The prudery sucks too though. There is 1 girl I want to have sex with so bad but she is prude. She also lives more than 2 hours away so remains a close friend basically.

I don't know, there's some lack of alignment here between sex and love and it's making me crazy...
 
cool_breeze said:
This is basically what makes me feel loneliest of all. Where I live if you talk to most people they've had 1 main relationship. But they've also had sex with 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30+ people. Do you guys think this is normal? It seems strange. It makes me feel lonely. People seem to treat sex like nothing these days. They're horny so they have sex with pretty much anyone that they've talked to for a bit and that's it. I always wanted to have sex with a low number of girls and just love them completely. That doesn't seem to be possible though with how things are and the environment here. I have even started to join in with the "hooking up" here, though not anywhere near to the level of some people. It seems if you don't do that you get nothing at all here basically.

That's pretty much what makes me lonely. When sex and love don't align. I've had sex with girls I don't love. And conversely there are 1 or 2 girls I love that I want to have sex with so bad but they're so prude it doesn't seem possible. Everyone here seems to be a prude or a slut. The sexuality in this area seems kind of primitive. What happened to healthy romantic relationships, and sex is just a byproduct of that? Also, how can I take a girl seriously if she's having sex with literally dozens of guys. That seems like way too much.

I hate this issue. There's some sex to be had here. Even some love maybe. But both together... goddamn. Killin me...

I don't know if sex becomes less of a big deal once you've done it, but to me as an outsider 5 partners seems sort of high (though I can see it happening through a string of relationships) and 10 seems higher than I'd ever expect in someone really. 20-30+ seems like way too many partners and I'd just take that as an indication that someone just sleeps around for the sake of it.

I know someone who liked me and apparently does still like me to some degree. She's pretty, intelligent, caring...but she has also kissed 50+ people and must have slept with at least 15 or more. Probably considerably more, since I consider "lesser" forms of sex sleeping with and she doesn't.

For that reason, I'm never going to go out with her. Being her friend actually means more to me than being her partner ever could, because I'm pretty much the only guy who's never wanted sexual relations with her but cared for her regardless.

Her current boyfriend boasted to her that he used to work as a barman and slept with over 20 young women or something in a span of a couple of years. She finds that attractive - I find it kind of repulsive and I won't be surprised if he hurts her in the future.

Unfortunately, hedonism is big in this day and age. Many people (though of course not all) are quite shallow in their desires and ambitions. They gave up on education, don't have much interest in world politics or their careers and sex is just something extra they can do along with getting drunk every weekend.

Not to generalise of course - I'm sure lots of high-flying, super-intelligent people do casual sex too for other reasons. But it's just my experience that perhaps promiscuity is regarded "normal" en masse because it's something simple everyone can try to "achieve" regardless of their abilities at anything else.
 
Well, consider this: if she gave it up to you with any ease, you'll consider her 'easy'; and now you consider a girl to be a prude because she's exactly adhering to the behavior and tactics that have kept her from having sex? Isn't that a bit unfair?

Especially with young, attractive women, having the opportunity to have sex isn't difficult and often brings benefits with it - especially feeling accepted and seemingly an easy way to 'be liked'(as one girl explained it to me, which I found as terribly tragic). If a girl is giving up those benefits, then she probably had some real dedication to remaining more or less chaste and is likely to be equally guarded with you.

Where do you live? I've been around quite a bit of the world - not all, admittedly.
 
IgnoredOne said:
Well, consider this: if she gave it up to you with any ease, you'll consider her 'easy'; and now you consider a girl to be a prude because she's exactly adhering to the behavior and tactics that have kept her from having sex? Isn't that a bit unfair?

I'm looking for more of a happy medium.

I live in a country that's developing pretty quickly. It seems like people just want to work and see their friends and "get laid". That phrase has always kind of bothered me. It's so removed from love or "making love." When people say they "Got laid" it sounds like they simply wanted sex, and didn't really care about who with. Something completely different from expressing a connection with someone...
 
Well, if you don't like the culture you are in, you can either choose to change the culture or change your location to a different culture. The latter is easier, imo.
 
You are putting too much focus on wanting to get laid. Just because people around you have had multiple partners doesn't mean you need to as well. Those people are also at more of a risk at contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Depending on the age 10+ partners is a lot, 20-30+ is slutty. There is nothing wrong with having sex with only a few people.
 
Here in my town, I know girls who have been with 30+ men and they're only my age (18). Where I used to work, there were quite a few girls who've been with 40-70+ men. There were guys who've been with 100+ women. Whatever floats your boat dude, but wrap it before you tap it, but even then it doesn't stop all the STDs.
 
How can I not? I see it everywhere I go. Where I live there are half naked people walking down the street and sex comes up in almost every conversation. I think our generation is kind of messed up. We have a promiscuous generation, especially where I am. Sex doesn't seem to be anywhere near as special as it should be. Ya I think having sex with a low number of people is great. Trouble is, you kind of have to play along with the slut game or else you get nothing basically. I think I hate this...


Sci-Fi said:
You are putting too much focus on wanting to get laid. Just because people around you have had multiple partners doesn't mean you need to as well. Those people are also at more of a risk at contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Depending on the age 10+ partners is a lot, 20-30+ is slutty. There is nothing wrong with having sex with only a few people.

 
I think its impossible.

Either

1. They are all whores
2. Its their personality and lifestyle.
or
3. They lie.

1 and 2: Hello STDs!
3. Sexually unhappy people.

Whatever your personality suits. If your happy with different partners, that's fine. If your happy with one partner, that's fine. Although I think those that must have different partners and can't keep one stable relationship are out of whack.

I know I would never have sex with girls I don't love entirely... To me, it just doesn't seem normal to have random sex. I believe your living in Lie-ville, or Whore-ville lol.

 
The thing I find most depressing is how boastful people seem to be about sexual matters nowadays. It's like nothing's sacred now.

I have a bunch of friends that are quite blase about telling me all about whatever they and their significant other get up to at the most inappropriate times. That's if they're not gleefully putting it up on Twitter mid-act :rolleyes:

I don't think society as a whole is shallow, but I think modern pop culture is.

If you really want to see why moral values or at least inhibitions seem to be rotting away, you don't have to look far to be honest.

Every time I switch on the TV it's some widely popular shitty "drama" all about the highs and lows of teen life...and my friends lap that stuff up and love it.

I don't remember my life ever involving casual drug use or affairs or unplanned pregnancies or murders or sex with everyone I met, but apparently that's the norm in these shows.

People are fed these bullshit hyped up programmes and it leads them to believe that life is really like that I think, or at least encourages them to act like the figures they see on the screen. Wow, the drug-smoking bitchy woman is so hot, I'd totally go out with her!11 etc. etc.

Then there's the pervasive culture of stereotypical rap music, which encourages guys to get themselves some "dumb *****" and screw her silly while simultaneously smoking a crack cigar rolled in money.

I actually like some hip-hop/rap (I even like some of the old Mobb Deep tunes that had some really dark, adult overtones to them), but the majority of rap nowadays is copycat, mass-produced and explicit crap shamelessly aimed at the younger demographic.

Add to that widely available adult material online, social networking sites with absolutely no qualms about letting people reveal every facet of their lives online and fancy phones that let you update that social site effortlessly mid-coitus when you get bored and...yeah.

Anyway, /cynicaloldmanmode :p
 
If you have a problem with this ongoing trend of people whoring themselves out, than don't take part in it.
In the end, its as simple as that.

Is it going to be difficult? yes. You better start naming your right hand. In fact, you should do it right now. I call mine "Jessica" (the other is "Locil"!).
Is this going to effect your social life? yes. Do you like puppets? you should. Their gonna be your best friends!
Is this going to single you out? Oh yeah. Your gonna be that one guy that wants a meaningful relationship - but got stuck in the realm of traps. Fun fun fun!
Is it all going to be worth yes? maybe. It all depends on how far you are willing to follow your ideals. Its all about sacrificing something for a grander interest.

And in case you were wondering, I wont lie. Along time ago, when I was young and foolish, I was one those shallow idiots who stocked up on bitches, as if doing so would give me an Amy award or something. But you know what I realized, after god knows how many sluts? in the end, you are what you eat - if you compromise on yourself and turn into a skank - that`s exactly what your going to get. So yeah... going against the "norm" will single you out. You will be the "freak" amongst freaks. Some might even say, an idealistic fool. That`s true and you will most likely suffer from it greatly. Also, there is a good chance that none of your ideals will ever matter because people nowadays have become slutty like hell, and there`s a good chance that if you just wait for "the one" (or even "the temporary one"), you might be waiting a few years.

In the end - its all about choice. That`s life. You either risk it all, go the long way, or settle for what you can get.
And as for myself... still single (what else? lol) and have been for a while now. But if a girl told me that she has been with 10000+ men, I would run for the hills.
what can I say? am I closed minded? maybe. But I aint gonna tap someone that may already have her own fan club ;-)
 
Seventh said:
If you have a problem with this ongoing trend of people whoring themselves out, than don't take part in it.
In the end, its as simple as that.

It really isn't. In order to completely avoid the sluttiness that permeates modern culture, you'd have to go live the rest of your days on your own in a wooden shack in the middle of the Sahara or something.

The saddest thing is that I feel tempted by such base things in society sometimes, and I'm ashamed of that.

So far I've gone my whole adult life without so much as a kiss. This is largely through my own choice, partly through circumstance and partly because I'm very shy.

I'm not sure I can adequately explain how hard it is sometimes to stick to your values when mainstream society doesn't support them and in fact encourages you to do the opposite.

People look down on me (both deliberately when posturing and unconsciously when not) for being a virgin. I get incredulous and "weird" stares if I mention I haven't kissed anyone. The media frequently takes the piss out of people like me and the audience finds it hilarious. It hurts.

I have a high sex drive and I'm a romantic person by nature - so sex being so seemingly available yet so off-limits to me at the same time (by my own values) is anything but "simple as that".

It's more like society as a whole is trying to break what I believe to be right at every possible opportunity and the punishment for resisting is to feel like the loneliest man in the world.
 
TheSolitaryMan said:
The thing I find most depressing is how boastful people seem to be about sexual matters nowadays. It's like nothing's sacred now.

I have a bunch of friends that are quite blase about telling me all about whatever they and their significant other get up to at the most inappropriate times. That's if they're not gleefully putting it up on Twitter mid-act :rolleyes:

I don't think society as a whole is shallow, but I think modern pop culture is.

If you really want to see why moral values or at least inhibitions seem to be rotting away, you don't have to look far to be honest.

Every time I switch on the TV it's some widely popular shitty "drama" all about the highs and lows of teen life...and my friends lap that stuff up and love it.

I don't remember my life ever involving casual drug use or affairs or unplanned pregnancies or murders or sex with everyone I met, but apparently that's the norm in these shows.

People are fed these bullshit hyped up programmes and it leads them to believe that life is really like that I think, or at least encourages them to act like the figures they see on the screen. Wow, the drug-smoking bitchy woman is so hot, I'd totally go out with her!11 etc. etc.

Then there's the pervasive culture of stereotypical rap music, which encourages guys to get themselves some "dumb *****" and screw her silly while simultaneously smoking a crack cigar rolled in money.

I actually like some hip-hop/rap (I even like some of the old Mobb Deep tunes that had some really dark, adult overtones to them), but the majority of rap nowadays is copycat, mass-produced and explicit crap shamelessly aimed at the younger demographic.

Add to that widely available adult material online, social networking sites with absolutely no qualms about letting people reveal every facet of their lives online and fancy phones that let you update that social site effortlessly mid-coitus when you get bored and...yeah.

Anyway, /cynicaloldmanmode :p

Looks more like /sayithowitismode :cool:



TheSolitaryMan said:
Seventh said:
If you have a problem with this ongoing trend of people whoring themselves out, than don't take part in it.
In the end, its as simple as that.

It really isn't. In order to completely avoid the sluttiness that permeates modern culture, you'd have to go live the rest of your days on your own in a wooden shack in the middle of the Sahara or something.

The saddest thing is that I feel tempted by such base things in society sometimes, and I'm ashamed of that.

So far I've gone my whole adult life without so much as a kiss. This is largely through my own choice, partly through circumstance and partly because I'm very shy.

I'm not sure I can adequately explain how hard it is sometimes to stick to your values when mainstream society doesn't support them and in fact encourages you to do the opposite.

People look down on me (both deliberately when posturing and unconsciously when not) for being a virgin. I get incredulous and "weird" stares if I mention I haven't kissed anyone. The media frequently takes the piss out of people like me and the audience finds it hilarious. It hurts.

I have a high sex drive and I'm a romantic person by nature - so sex being so seemingly available yet so off-limits to me at the same time (by my own values) is anything but "simple as that".

It's more like society as a whole is trying to break what I believe to be right at every possible opportunity and the punishment for resisting is to feel like the loneliest man in the world.

The media is warped. Just as you wouldn't let an insane person hurling insults at you "hurt you" (since you would know it's only their illness speaking)... it would be wisest not to allow those feelings to be in-sighted by a warped (also sick) entity such as the media either.

 
Hmm.

Personally, for me, I like to build a friendship with the guy first to see if I like who he is and if he doesn't push sex on me, I think he's a winner and that makes me like him.

I"m weird? I dunno, i tend to think whether our personalities mesh is important..
 
A natural way of thought for me has always been to have regular sex with one partner. As opposed to some sex with many partners.

I think you put too much emphasis on quantity. If a girl had sex with dozens of men that says to me she has a healthy sex drive, and that I will be getting some regularly. Should I manage to convince her we are meant to be.

I say, enjoy yourself and have lots of fun. As long as you are out trying to meet that perfect girl she will eventually appear. Relax and enjoy life.
 
Would be great if you could separate feelings and sex. I think a lot of people who are entering an open relationship haven't thought things well enough through. They've thought about their partners sleeping with other people, they haven't thought about their partners forming emotional bonds with other people. A risk you take when your partner sleeps around with the same person for a longer period.

Promiscuity is not meant for me. I'd get way to jealous if a partner of mine did it. And having had a couple of one night stands I can safely say for me, that they pale in comparisons to having sex with someone you truly care about. It's simply not worth it. But hey if you're single, you might as well enjoy the things coming your way.

 

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