Doubt The Rabbit
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- Joined
- Oct 11, 2010
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Lately I've come to understand the meaning of "talent," positive potential that a person possesses or displays in an activity.
Unfortunately, in realizing this within myself, I've opened up a whole new world of confusion and doubt within myself as well. Things I thought I was good at before don't seem so good. Things I'm talented in don't feel so special. Things I want to do well in, I feel like I haven't got a chance.
Sometimes I wonder if Talent is life's way of telling a person, "regardless of what you want to do, this is what you're MADE to do." Other people may marvel at someone else's talent, but because of that, I personally don't find my talents to be anything special. I'm too busy marveling at things I wish I could do rather than the things I CAN do. Even so, on a good day you'll find me telling you that I don't WANT to be confined to what "gifts" I was "born with." Perhaps in that way I'm greedy. I want to be good at things that I was terrible at before. I want to believe everything I'm good at has nothing to do with talent, but with learned skill. In thinking that, I can feel like any option is open to me as long as I have the chance to learn it.
However, sometimes I feel like there are some things I'm just good at. There are some things I'm just bad at. Sometimes I feel like that will never change. Then, I feel like nothing I do will be good for ME.
I can't express myself in ways I wish I could. I can't emulate those whom I idolize. I start to feel like that which I can do is no good, because it's not something I wish I could do. I'm a green-eyed monster.
I know I'll get two kinds of responses to these kinds of thoughts.
On one hand, I'll be told that I should embrace what I can do and feel proud of it. Yeah, maybe I should settle for honing my talents and making myself better at what I'm MADE for. Sooner or later, I'll be content with what I can already do and thoughts of striving for what I can't do will begin to fade.
On the other hand, I'll be told that I should strive for what I want and that practice makes perfect. How cliche.
My response to that is a big, ******* HOW? How, when satisfaction is a word that has just not made it into my life's dictionary? I'm a person who is constantly settling for second best. I'm always, always settling. I feel like I shouldn't be so selfish as to be unappreciative of what I have, even if I get the inkling that it isn't enough. It is always enough. In fact, I'm lucky to have received anything at all. In this case, that "anything" is talent. I'm lucky to be good at anything at all, and I shouldn't be so ungrateful as to look away from what I'm good at to pursue something I'm not.
I feel like I never want to be that person to whom someone replies, "Well at least you CAN do something, because I can't do honeysuckle."
Unfortunately, in realizing this within myself, I've opened up a whole new world of confusion and doubt within myself as well. Things I thought I was good at before don't seem so good. Things I'm talented in don't feel so special. Things I want to do well in, I feel like I haven't got a chance.
Sometimes I wonder if Talent is life's way of telling a person, "regardless of what you want to do, this is what you're MADE to do." Other people may marvel at someone else's talent, but because of that, I personally don't find my talents to be anything special. I'm too busy marveling at things I wish I could do rather than the things I CAN do. Even so, on a good day you'll find me telling you that I don't WANT to be confined to what "gifts" I was "born with." Perhaps in that way I'm greedy. I want to be good at things that I was terrible at before. I want to believe everything I'm good at has nothing to do with talent, but with learned skill. In thinking that, I can feel like any option is open to me as long as I have the chance to learn it.
However, sometimes I feel like there are some things I'm just good at. There are some things I'm just bad at. Sometimes I feel like that will never change. Then, I feel like nothing I do will be good for ME.
I can't express myself in ways I wish I could. I can't emulate those whom I idolize. I start to feel like that which I can do is no good, because it's not something I wish I could do. I'm a green-eyed monster.
I know I'll get two kinds of responses to these kinds of thoughts.
On one hand, I'll be told that I should embrace what I can do and feel proud of it. Yeah, maybe I should settle for honing my talents and making myself better at what I'm MADE for. Sooner or later, I'll be content with what I can already do and thoughts of striving for what I can't do will begin to fade.
On the other hand, I'll be told that I should strive for what I want and that practice makes perfect. How cliche.
My response to that is a big, ******* HOW? How, when satisfaction is a word that has just not made it into my life's dictionary? I'm a person who is constantly settling for second best. I'm always, always settling. I feel like I shouldn't be so selfish as to be unappreciative of what I have, even if I get the inkling that it isn't enough. It is always enough. In fact, I'm lucky to have received anything at all. In this case, that "anything" is talent. I'm lucky to be good at anything at all, and I shouldn't be so ungrateful as to look away from what I'm good at to pursue something I'm not.
I feel like I never want to be that person to whom someone replies, "Well at least you CAN do something, because I can't do honeysuckle."