What do you miss about yourself?

This might have been covered so sorry if I'm just going over old ground.

I've been thinking about this recently. I used to write poetry. I was really serious about it. I used to carry a notepad nearly everywhere I went. I'd even been known to write some lines as saved messages in my phone when its all I had. I sent off to publishers but never had any joy, still I tried. I did get a few things into riot grrl zines and stuff.

I've not written in ages and of course that doubt creeps in that maybe it won't come as easy as it used to. Making it harder to go back.

I miss it.

Twinkle Twinkle little star

Why does no-one like this stuff anymores?

Tick Tock.

I miss how deeply I used to care about people, even if I would get hurt by it.

I miss my carefree youth.

The world was a lot simpler and a lot more enjoyable when I understood a great deal less of it.

Nothing! I'm far better off now than before.

I use to write madly!

Use to just tear through pages effortlessly and love my own work. That's all I ever cared about was loving my own work. Then someone suggested getting published but I didn't want anything I had done to get published so I thought I'd wright something new.

I'm not entirely sure what happened after that. I could tell you the physical events that occurred and that effected me but I feel like I'm missing something from the entire recollection, almost like something's been stolen.

At some point nearly all of my original manuscripts were lost. I only have a couple to look back on and haven't been able to put pen to page like the old days.

Annik I'm sure you can relate to trying to write something, just doesn't work.

annik said:

I was really serious about it. I used to carry a notepad nearly everywhere I went. I'd even been known to write some lines as saved messages in my phone when its all I had.

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I was the same way but I would often use the recorder on my phone to take my thoughts down (horrible memory, couldn't even remember a pen). And to anyone other than myself listening it probably just sounded like a mad man rambling on about nothing in particular, maybe it was but it made sense to me. Of course I could easily just be a mad man with a pen listening to himself talk. ::shrug::

annik said:

I sent off to publishers but never had any joy, still I tried. I did get a few things into riot grrl zines and stuff.

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I've also received dozens of rejection letters when I try to put something new out but that doesn't stop me. One day I will find it and when I do I'm going to hang on for dear life. Although when I look back I feel like I had some sort of muse and now I have nothing.

annik said:

I've not written in ages and of course that doubt creeps in that maybe it won't come as easy as it used to. Making it harder to go back.

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I don't like to hear about other writers having troubles. Can't let doubt beat you. Try writing something about you, for you. That no one else will see.



<.< ... I'm rambling...

I've been a writer for as long as I can remember. For most of that time it was either class work or related to work or just me writing something. I've self-published a couple of books, not sold any. For a while, a few years ago, I made some decent money at it. I still write for a travel site now and again. Except for an assignment for that online site I haven't written at all in quite a while. What's the point? Yeah, I miss it. I used to bury myself in research and writing. But for me if I don't share it, if someone is not interested, if what I do does not matter to anyone else, then I don't want to do it.

Like someone else said, I miss not caring like I used to but I don't want that heartache any more. Watching the world go in the toilet has been devastating to me. I kind'a miss the idea of god but I could no more go back to believing in my former faith than I could fall to the ground in my front yard and ask the oak tree to save us all.

Most of all I suppose I miss being young and healthy.

There are times I miss seeing the world the way I did as a child, before I learned much of our violent history and present reality. Yet, I appreciate the knowledge I've gained of the world so far. And I'm happy with the way I have progressed since being a teenager.

It would be a privilege to read some of your work, Annik.

I miss living in California where I was truly happy.

Happiness...

'Meeeeemories....'

I miss my imagination. I used to have abundance of it as a kid. I was always the one telling stories or coming up with themes when playing, painting up the scenery, sort of. I feel that the dull, tedious work limbo I went thru has stripped me off a majority of my creative output, stress, worry and hurry eating away at my muse's mental health until she decided she'd had enough and decided that she's entitled to vacations and constant sickleaves due to her failing health. *Sigh*

I also had a lot of dreams and aspirations. I'll be an artist, a writer, what-have-you...ten years later, I'm lucky to have got a job in marketing with a dash of graphical work thrown in the mix. Still make a comic on my free time, 'tho...so it's not all gone.

At the end of the day, 'tho, it's hard to think of a lot of things to look forward to, small personal goals and special occasions aside. I just end up thinking about tomorrow's work day, wishing it was already the weekend...repeating the same patterns over and over again.

I'm also a lot more jaded and untrusting, which I find a sad state of affairs. Of course, being fooled and getting the short end of the stick thwacking my head more than once taught me that the world ain't all pastel colours and rainbows, and the people, generally speaking, ain't nice. Goverments, even less so.

I've been getting a bit better in the negativity aspect in the recent year or two (maybe I'm finally growing up. Huh. ) but still, I feel as if I'm less than I was before, with the vast vistas of imagination opening all around me all but a memory to the modern day me.

I miss my good health - never really did appreciate it when I still had it.

i miss the fact that people used to really like me until i was 23. i used to have loads of friends. but now i've gone into a shell and nobody seems to like me anymore.

I miss being a naive young boy who wanted everyone to get along. Recently I allowed myself to dislike people and be disliked by people. This did wonders for my self-confidence, happiness and standards, but it was nice to be known as that guy who wanted to please everybody, as flawed as that position was.

I miss my confidence, in myself, in people, in the world.

My hair.

Jilted John said:

My hair.

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Dude, lol, I could send you some. I said fresia it and grew mine out last year. My wife is always threatening the scissors. Good thing I sleep lightly. ha.

I miss being me and not being who someone else wants me to be.

My calm mind, when stress strikes.