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twinklestar

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I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

I really want to get to know people but it feels like people have no interest in me, and honestly it feels like I'm invisible or a ghost or something
 
twinklestar said:
I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

No its not just you. It's most of us on here! I have a theory that when your lonely and/or insecure and stuff it shows in your body language and that why people stay away from you. Perhaps some of us give off negative vibes?

Or maybe you were just at a BBQ with a load of ********
 
Naleena said:
Twinklestar, do you have any interests or hobbies?
Yeah i like making clothes, and arty crafty stuff...love watching films and reading also....

I AM pretty out-going once i've spoken to someone for a few minutes, but when its obvious someone doesn't want to talk to me it gets harder and harder
Like my friend and someone at the BBQ was talking about a certain film that's one of my favourites, so i commented on this film and i was totally ignored....i should just give up really cos if you can't spark up a conversation about something you love, then there's no point....not sure if its me, and i'm just not attractive friend material..or they were just really rude people!?
 
cumulus.james said:
twinklestar said:
I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

No its not just you. It's most of us on here! I have a theory that when your lonely and/or insecure and stuff it shows in your body language and that why people stay away from you. Perhaps some of us give off negative vibes?

Or maybe you were just at a BBQ with a load of ********

Cumulus, I agree. I haven't been to parties or get togethers in, hum... a lot of years, but the same thing has happened to me quite often.

Back when I was involved with people, I was once very active in church, people would walk up to me when I felt perfectly contented and even happy but they'd say, "don't look so glum! Cheer up!" Bam! My mood hit the floor. Maybe it's just my face? Hmm... anyway, it's not just you.
 
twinklestar said:
Naleena said:
Twinklestar, do you have any interests or hobbies?
Yeah i like making clothes, and arty crafty stuff...love watching films and reading also....

If you get half decent at clothes making there's some serious money to be made from that! You kind of have to know about fashion in particular vintage fashion though. But if you can make your own clothes or even alter your clothes to make them "you" that is very worth while. Would be so cool to know that no one else has that garment.
 
I would really love to make and sell my own clothes!this is going to sound lame but i've tried and failed at selling them before as i don't have a support network....I've tried putting pics on Facebook of my work but they get generally ignored
 
twinklestar said:
Naleena said:
Twinklestar, do you have any interests or hobbies?
Yeah i like making clothes, and arty crafty stuff...love watching films and reading also....

I AM pretty out-going once i've spoken to someone for a few minutes, but when its obvious someone doesn't want to talk to me it gets harder and harder
Like my friend and someone at the BBQ was talking about a certain film that's one of my favourites, so i commented on this film and i was totally ignored....i should just give up really cos if you can't spark up a conversation about something you love, then there's no point....not sure if its me, and i'm just not attractive friend material..or they were just really rude people!?

I think they are just rude people. What was the film, BTW? Can I ask? I love movies :) As far as clothes, can you make the medieval looking ones?
 
I agree - those people who ignored you were just plain rude and you've lost nothing.

I do, also, agree that there is something about us...we who feel this loneliness thing. I think we give off rejective pheromones ("GerrawayFromMeAndDon'tTalkToMeYouJerk - OMones") and other vibes and YES...definitely body language, vocal tones, etc., that create an "avoid" tendency, in others.

As for making clothes...do you live in the UK?
 
In a group conversation....patient is key.
Most of the time Ill just listen becuase theres always one person thats gonna talk all the time and wants to be the center of attention . The most youll get out of me is a nod , smile or a luagh every so oftern....Kind Da like playing volley ball...the ball isnt alway goona come my way.
That last BBQ i went to it was like that. I found the conversations dried and dull.
So I just hopped in the pool.LOL
Then my GF went swimming with me.

Then I huing out in my little conner.lol
Pople said hello to me..here and there.
I just chilled out N read my book while my GF mingled.
Then she came and laid down with me after a while..teasing me that I was anti social...hahaaaaa
Im cool ...she was the preetiest girl at the party.LOL

Its the same when Renae and I used to hang out in Logal bars...

Ill just talk to one or two people all night...have of the time listening to drunks gets on my nerves..but meetng comlete strangers all the time is cool.
I mostly listen to them tell me about thier lives stories.LOL

While Renae is like a social butterfly..
shell talk to everyone. Sometimes Guys will even hit up on her...buy her drinks in front of me...do their PUA routine.
shell chic chat wiht them...then trun around and introduce me to them..
She hugs and kiss me. Tells me she loves me in front of them. Hahahaaaaaa

Yeah most of the time people dont really want to get to know me....especially at first.
Ive became a good listener by default.
Most of the people Ive meet dosnt even know Im a musican...
Then theyll see pick up the guitar and rip on it later and go WTF???

So..being a good listener is a good social skill to have or a part of being social.

If I was to meet you in person...I would listen to you most of the time and just ask you about your interest or about you. Thats how Ill build repore with you.
Get to know...I cant get to know you..unless I listen to you.
 
tedgresham said:
cumulus.james said:
twinklestar said:
I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

No its not just you. It's most of us on here! I have a theory that when your lonely and/or insecure and stuff it shows in your body language and that why people stay away from you. Perhaps some of us give off negative vibes?

Or maybe you were just at a BBQ with a load of ********

Cumulus, I agree. I haven't been to parties or get togethers in, hum... a lot of years, but the same thing has happened to me quite often.

Back when I was involved with people, I was once very active in church, people would walk up to me when I felt perfectly contented and even happy but they'd say, "don't look so glum! Cheer up!" Bam! My mood hit the floor. Maybe it's just my face? Hmm... anyway, it's not just you.

I might start a thread about that issue. It interests me. I'm with you though, I used to work in a building of up to 700 people and folk would say the same things to me. What is distressing for me now though is my face seems to have been shaped by my misery. The constant frowning has made my eyelids droop, and the constant miserable face and the jaw clenching from anxiety has made my face start to square off. In essence the ugliness of misery is manifesting itself in how I look. I used to have big rosy cheeks and round boyish face and big sparkly eyes. Not now. Now I got a face like a bag of spanners that bears the impression of grumpiness. But maybe its a good thing. Gives me something to moan about.

We are programmed to make judgements about people on a subconscious level, these are done in a split second. I think we can recognize the negative traits in people and we are somehow programmed to avoid it.
 
twinklestar said:
I would really love to make and sell my own clothes!this is going to sound lame but i've tried and failed at selling them before as i don't have a support network....I've tried putting pics on Facebook of my work but they get generally ignored

I've just popped in here, bit off topic I know but have you thought about places like Etsy to sell your clothes?

 
Hey, Crow...

I absolutely love the way you always show such real-hearted appreciation of your ladyfriend. It's one of the nicest things that I've encountered on the Internet, in 13 years! May all guys across the world eventually get the message that it's not muscles, tattoos or a wallet full of condoms, money and car keys that create a man - it's the pride in his lady, the enjoyment of her company and the appreciation of the work she puts in on herself to look as good as she does.

You're one of the good ones, good feller!

You set a great example!

Ian.
 
If you have a mp3 player with a recording capability try to record it next time something like this happens. Usually people who are not actors are not very aware of their facial expressions, tonality and body language when they talk. If you are consciously trying to be open, but unconsciously trying to ward people off in other ways, the unconscious habit will win out.

We cannot comment on the rest, but if your tonality seems odd, unsure, it will be off-putting.
 
twinklestar said:
I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

I really want to get to know people but it feels like people have no interest in me, and honestly it feels like I'm invisible or a ghost or something

Maybe it's becose what you were saying was not of their interest... I dont know you or the ppl at the party, but it is possible that you have a more calm, reflexive and creative personality and maybe the rest were more interested in discussing relationships, gossip, or whatever more outgoing persons discuss... It happens to me sometimes, for example in my group they don't care about politics so when I start talking about that they do not listen to me.

The key I think, and I'm no expert, is to try to find a topic they are interested in... so they are interested and therefore pay attention to what you are saying.
 
twinklestar said:
I find it soooo hard to make friends and i've noticed at social gatherings that other women won't talk to me....I was at a BBQ last night, where i hardly knew anyone, and even though i tried so hard to join in on conversations, make small talk etc and just be generally friendly, people just kept ignoring me.....and when i said goodbye to the group, no-one said bye back to me.....

I really want to get to know people but it feels like people have no interest in me, and honestly it feels like I'm invisible or a ghost or something

I agree that TRUE friends are incredibly hard to find. To me a true friend is someone you can cry in front of, not while you're drunk either :p. I've had one very close friend in my life. I'm 22 now and I've know him since 6th grade. As of late, because we both go to different schools, we've kind of grown a-part but THIS guy was a true pal.

You're right true friends are hard to find. Don't worry about those ppl at the BBQ. A-lot of people sleep walk through life and never take the time to question anything. They've never had to struggle through adversity, sadness, or pain. They don't know what true contentment or happiness is because they've never been far enough down in the valley to appreciate the view from up top.

Just be cool and learn how to enjoy your own company, NOT because you're destined to be alone forever but it'll make it so when you find that true great friend, lover, etc; that you can connect with you'll TRULY appreciate it.


 
I'm in my late mid 30's now and its getting almost impossible to make any friends, even at places where people say its easy to make friends...I'm always friendly and happy and smiley but it doesn't seem enough!!Its more or less happened at ALL social outings, especially where other women are involved....like someone will take a group photo and make me sit to the side or wait until i've gone to the toilet before taking a picture??

and thank you for commenting on my clothes making, will have to try Etsy, have tried the u.k version and failed drastically...
 
Same thing has always happened to me. I always try to include everyone in a conversation if they're around, even if I'm already talking to someone, so I really don't understand this. Maybe you have to really stand out for people to want to talk to you? Is that it?
 
oopsiedoop said:
Same thing has always happened to me. I always try to include everyone in a conversation if they're around, even if I'm already talking to someone, so I really don't understand this. Maybe you have to really stand out for people to want to talk to you? Is that it?

I do stand out though as i have really bright coloured hair lol....i dunno, i feel like people leapfrog me to talk to my friend
 
Brightly colored hair, wow. I would bet in certain social scenes that would be an asset, no?
 

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