My contradiction

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Felix

Felix

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Most of the time I just wanna be left alone so I can be in peace with myself and do whatever I want without having to deal with the anxiety of mantaining a conversation.

But then I start feeling well, alone... which sucks, and it makes me wish I was more sociable... I'm a nice guy, look good, can make a few jokes but I'm very shy specially around people I don't know... which keeps me from expanding my social circle.

I really don't know what to say sometimes, plus I don't feel I have a lot in common with most people... I'm not like a total weirdo btu I have my own points of view and my own interests, which I think are not the same with others. Maybe it's just my prejudice, I'll admit I have that problem. I tend to thinki people are simple and shallow (which equals boring), maybe it's a defense method... But I'm coming to a point of my life when I'm just tired of feeling alone and having trouble in meeting new people.

So what do you think? It's conversation difficult for you ppl?
 
Yea i grew up shy and have done a-lot to get over it. Everything from randomly approaching women on the streets to stand up comedy. There have been times where i've literally felt like a social superman, if you will. But you know what? I still feel shy at times and uncomfortable in social situations. However, I know longer let it bother me because I know I have above average social skills, from experience, and that I am a cool person.

My point? Well you've just gotta take it easy on yourself. I do think you should pursue a-lot of different social options BUT don't beat yourself up if it's hard at first. There's nothing "wrong" with you. Everybody, and i mean EVERYBODY, feels shy and uncomfortable at times. So just learn how to love yourself and forgive yourself for mistakes.

Not sure how old you are but the internet is a great resource for finding social groups in your area. I read a great quote on urban dictionary about dealing with life and people. it went as follows: "Be cool, live life, and make money. The rest will take care of itself."

Good luck to you.
 
whocares said:
Yea i grew up shy and have done a-lot to get over it. Everything from randomly approaching women on the streets to stand up comedy. There have been times where i've literally felt like a social superman, if you will. But you know what? I still feel shy at times and uncomfortable in social situations. However, I know longer let it bother me because I know I have above average social skills, from experience, and that I am a cool person.

My point? Well you've just gotta take it easy on yourself. I do think you should pursue a-lot of different social options BUT don't beat yourself up if it's hard at first. There's nothing "wrong" with you. Everybody, and i mean EVERYBODY, feels shy and uncomfortable at times. So just learn how to love yourself and forgive yourself for mistakes.

Not sure how old you are but the internet is a great resource for finding social groups in your area. I read a great quote on urban dictionary about dealing with life and people. it went as follows: "Be cool, live life, and make money. The rest will take care of itself."

Good luck to you.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice, I like what you said about trying different things, that helps, what doesn't help is that I usually think a lot about doing something and then I start thinking about something else and don't do it...

What worries me is my age I'm 25 and still have this problems. So I'm trying to figure out once and for all what I should do to change. I probably should be more open to new experiences, but it can be hard when you don't have friends to go with you and that support you (I have some friends but for example, I can't go to clubs with them, just on very few ocations, some of them don't like it and others are too busy with other friends).

Meeting people over the internet seems like the best way to go. I signed up in a dating social site, I have some girls who want to talk to me, but I'm never in the mood to start a conversation, also I doubt what to say... It sucks, I talked to one of them and she seemed real nice and gave me her mail, but I never added her... I hate being so shy and insecure! But I'm determined to make things change!
 
I understand where you're coming from, Felix. It can be difficult being socially inept and wanting to meet new people. I would think it's basically a matter of trial-and-error with initiating conversations and taking risks; while being your usual self and not trying too desperately hard (this could only lead to disappointment and the impression that everyone is just boring). You'll have to find the kind of people who's personal chemistry works in sync with yours. It might seem as if there are people around you who have an advantage over you in initiating an engaging conversation and making people like them; this would be best to ignore. It would really help if you could somehow leave behind the need to be alone and focus your resolve on interacting with people, while advancing your social skills in the process, this would terminate whatever contradiction you're feeling. Ultimately, you will have decide on what is more important to you, comfort in peace and solitude, or having friends and people to talk to. Hope this helps, take care.
 
DreamerDeceiver said:
I understand where you're coming from, Felix. It can be difficult being socially inept and wanting to meet new people. I would think it's basically a matter of trial-and-error with initiating conversations and taking risks; while being your usual self and not trying too desperately hard (this could only lead to disappointment and the impression that everyone is just boring). You'll have to find the kind of people who's personal chemistry works in sync with yours. It might seem as if there are people around you who have an advantage over you in initiating an engaging conversation and making people like them; this would be best to ignore. It would really help if you could somehow leave behind the need to be alone and focus your resolve on interacting with people, while advancing your social skills in the process, this would terminate whatever contradiction you're feeling. Ultimately, you will have decide on what is more important to you, comfort in peace and solitude, or having friends and people to talk to. Hope this helps, take care.
Click to expand...

Wow very clear, concise advice mate, so right, but I have to disagree when you say I should ignore people with an advantage over me (you are right when you say there are more sociable people around me) I think I should try to learn from them, instead I end up feeling jealous of their skills... luckly I have some skills of my own so I can stand it :p

Thanks! :)
 
A lot of people on here seem to say the same thing : that they don't have common interests with other people and that they're 'different'. But that shouldn't mean you can't have general conversations with people. I found that people in general would like to hear your views and opinions even when it differs to theirs.

I guess what I mean is, even when you have completely different interests with others, there should be conversation taking place. Don't know what to talk about? You can google and youtube - plenty of ideas on what to talk with strangers.

I have found this to be true - if you have nothing to say, take an interest in someone.

You'll find friends coming to you when you take an interest in them rather than wait for people to be interested in you.
 

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